I prayed away the gay!

[William Taester]

Praise be, glory hallelujah!

The good Lord called me out of the depths of the abominable homo-gay lifestyle. (It was a horrible decision I made at a young age, but praise God Almighty, I have seen the light.)

I have confessed my sin, and received the salvation that can only come from the redeeming life-blood shed upon the cross . I was baptized recently and I just praise the heck out of the Holy Ghost for leading me here to the one true church.

So happy to be in the light, and armed with my patent leather KJV, I will now dedicate my new life to explaining the hell bound nature of sin to other sissy boys and win their souls over to the kingdom.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

A cautious welcome. What church do you attend, and what is your favourite verse from the Bible?

[William Taester]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

The truth is that I have yet to find a home church.

I have been truly inspired by 1 Corinthians 6:11.


And such were some of you: but ye are washed, but ye are sanctified, but ye are justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and by the Spirit of our God.

[BaptistBethany]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

William, I just want to make sure I have this right. Did you pray the gay away or spray the gay away?

[William Taester]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

I was not aware of this miraculous spray, glory be!

This product may have saved my callous knees from a great deal of kneeling in prayer for extended periods of time, every time the homo demons began to stir my loins. Where can I get some of this spray (just in case the demons try to return)

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

The truth is that I have yet to find a home church.

Well, where were you baptised?

[William Taester]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

I was baptized in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit in the San Francisco bay by a recovered gay who is now a successful heterosexual and evangelist.

[BaptistBethany]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

I was not aware of this miraculous spray, glory be!

This product may have saved my callous knees from a great deal of kneeling in prayer for extended periods of time, every time the homo demons began to stir my loins. Where can I get some of this spray (just in case the demons try to return)

William, I just saw this ad today for the first time. Not sure where this product can be purchased. Maybe our Pastor will order a supply for the Landover Baptist Gift shop.

[Basilissa]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

Hello, dear, and to the Godliest corner of the internet!

I am happy to see a sinner who decided to sin no more. Are you happily married now? If so, how many sons do you have?

[William Taester]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

Basilissa-

I'm not one to rush into things...I mean, I used to rush into ....um...things, butt now I am a new creature and I have been looking for the right woman to marry and have many many children with. Proper Christian woman is not easy to find, and I won't settle for anything less than God's best for me.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

Basilissa-

I'm not one to rush into things...I mean, I used to rush into ....um...things, butt now I am a new creature and I have been looking for the right woman to marry and have many many children with. Proper Christian woman is not easy to find, and I won't settle for anything less than God's best for me.

I am so pleased that you have gone back on your decision to be gaywise. Jesus really hates fags (as your sig so correctly states).

It must have been Hell being an anal enthusiast, spitting at Jesus every day.

Now that you have chosen to be normal again, what are you doing for Jesus?

YIC

[William Taester]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

I am so pleased that you have gone back on your decision to be gaywise. Jesus really hates fags (as your sig so correctly states).

It must have been Hell being an anal enthusiast, spitting at Jesus every day.

Now that you have chosen to be normal again, what are you doing for Jesus?

YIC

Well Doctor, now that I am normal again, I am serving the heck outta Jesus Christ by ministering to others who are still trapped by satan in that horrific lifestyle. I have started an acountibility hotline that fags can call to confess their sinful desires and receive prayer to overcome them.

Just last night we received a call from a queerfag that was having a VERY HARD night. He was obviously under attack from the enemy, so I recruited another brother as required by Mathew 18:16 and paid him a visit. When we arrived at his apartment, we laid hands upon him and prayed VIGOROUSLY until the demons were expelled from his body onto the floor.

He began to understand just how much Good God Almighty really does hate him. He cried. The demons then tried to enter my brother from the accountability group, but again we prayed them out. We were all filled with the Holy Ghost and spake in tongues. This morning when we departed, I could see a glimmer of hope in the fag man's eye, as he had begun to see that he does not have to choose that horrifying life of destruction, which destroys good hetero families each and every time he sexes it up for Satan.

One fag at a time, Christ is marching on.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

Dear Billy;

Welcome to God's favorite forum. I praise Jesus every day (and I hope you do too) for freeing queers like you from the horrible fate of being satan's favorite party ewe for all eternity down in hell. Please regale us with stories of your former debauched lifestyle. It infuriates satan when his evils are exposed to the light of day. Don't skimp on the details, I assure you that I've heard it all before.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

[William Taester]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

Dear Billy;

Please regale us with stories of your former debauched lifestyle. It infuriates satan when his evils are exposed to the light of day. Don't skimp on the details, I assure you that I've heard it all before.

--Pastor Ezekiel

Well then DEVIL BE DAMNED! Let it be known that Satan's satanical gayness permeates deep into the realms of the papists. Those confessional booths are often called "2-fers" by those insiders who enjoy debauchery with the priest and simply confess it as they do it. This is known as a "zero guilt-time" process because you are cleansed as you go. "I'm donkey-punching the priest!" as you do it....and bam you are forgiven that moment.

Pastor Zeke, I am so ashamed...But if the Homo-fag agenda is stifled by it, then far be it from me to withhold information!

[Witch Hammer]

Re: I prayed away the gay!

Praise be, glory hallelujah!

The good Lord called me out of the depths of the abominable homo-gay lifestyle. (It was a horrible decision I made at a young age, but praise God Almighty, I have seen the light.)

I have confessed my sin, and received the salvation that can only come from the redeeming life-blood shed upon the cross . I was baptized recently and I just praise the heck out of the Holy Ghost for leading me here to the one true church.

So happy to be in the light, and armed with my patent leather KJV, I will now dedicate my new life to explaining the hell bound nature of sin to other sissy boys and win their souls over to the kingdom.

Glory! What a remarkable testimony! Be warned though, friend...when you finally find the right woman to rape and take to wife as per Deuteronomy 22:28-29, I implore you to wear nose and ear plugs, and a blindfold. The unknowable horror of that which lurks catty-corner to her pimply, pock-marked buttocks will surely leave you palsied and gibbering with madness, should you look upon it with the naked eye. Go into battle prepared, young soldier, I would hate to see you relapse back into rank cornholery.