[Wide-Open]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Friends, I have excellent news!

As much as I wanted to join you on one of the greatest Landover Baptist Church missions ever, it seemed financially impossible. I have spent so much money on hospital bills and bullhorns (people kept destroying them) that I'm truly skint.

As a half-hearted last measure, I did a collection in my neighourhood, not expecting much, as it is filled with atheists, false Christians, and other Mooslims.

But!

Somehow the Lord must have inspired them, because they were more than happy to give me money for the good cause. Some of them even gave more than suggested, saying "it would even be better if you stay away three months instead of two". One neighbour even made the excellent suggestion of only buying a single ticket now, and he would send me the money for the return ticket when I'm over there. GLORY!

I am deeply touched that all these people are thinking about Australian heathens. God, Brothers and Sisters, moves in mysterious ways.

So.

AUSTRALIA: HERE I COME!!!!!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Have the extra "supplies" been ordered yet?

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Regarding the announcement in church today - it looks like that problem has been taken care of. Please don't worry, the mission should depart at the scheduled time and day.

[bung79]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

During our last meeting on Weds. night brother Richardson announced that he had secured a donation from the Hershey's company of 12 crates of chocolate bars for distribution in Australia. The company is similarly concerned with the development and salvation of that island. It is our plan to make sure each missionary is well supplied with these tasty chocolate bars to share with the natives to get them to be more open to learning about the lord Jesus Christ. For all we know, they may have never tried milk chocolate before. It can't hurt, right?

You naive fool. What I fail to understand is that you're coming here to 'supposedly' save us all but yet you know nothing about Australia. For one thing we have Cadbury chocolate. Not the foul tasting Cadbury you have in the states, but the good stuff. Don't bother bringing that Hershey's crap with you.

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Is the list of missionaries to the wild jungles of Australia finalized?

You'll have to check with Brother Abner, but my understanding is everyone has been selected and received their immunization prayers.

[JennyD]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Just a reminder - Deadline for donations to the mission is June 15. Remember, God knows how much is in your bank account.

Is the list of missionaries to the wild jungles of Australia finalized?

I do hope they bring video equipment, so we can all see their brave missioning to the abos and criminal Australiennes!

[Mrs. Mary Whitford]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Just a reminder - Deadline for donations to the mission is June 15. Remember, God knows how much is in your bank account.

[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

PRAISE! Jesus is clearly pleased with our efforts in this Godless cesspool, as he has just rewarded us (and them) by killing one of Australia's most notorious boy-buggerers.

Heath Lecher, the Crocodile Humper, and now this pervert—slowly but surely, God is ridding the land down under of its demonic influences.

Shout Glory!

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

During our last meeting on Weds. night brother Richardson announced that he had secured a donation from the Hershey's company of 12 crates of chocolate bars for distribution in Australia. The company is similarly concerned with the development and salvation of that island. It is our plan to make sure each missionary is well supplied with these tasty chocolate bars to share with the natives to get them to be more open to learning about the lord Jesus Christ. For all we know, they may have never tried milk chocolate before. It can't hurt, right?

Brother Nobar, that is excellent news. I've never known of a nigra to turn down chocolate. Our corporate sponsor's product (Hershey's chocolate bars) will help the sweet taste of Jesus go down more easily over there in Austria. Glory!!

[Nobar King]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

During our last meeting on Weds. night brother Richardson announced that he had secured a donation from the Hershey's company of 12 crates of chocolate bars for distribution in Australia. The company is similarly concerned with the development and salvation of that island. It is our plan to make sure each missionary is well supplied with these tasty chocolate bars to share with the natives to get them to be more open to learning about the lord Jesus Christ. For all we know, they may have never tried milk chocolate before. It can't hurt, right?

Edit--
I talked to Dr. Wayne and he informed me that it can hurt. The almond-chocolate bars could be harmful to those sensitive to 'tree nuts'. Anaphylactic shock is a potential problem. Therefore, all volunteers handling the bars will be informed of the hazard and told to warn the Australians of the risk.

[Nobar King]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Maybe you meant to post in this thread:
God's beautiful creatures.
?

[Talitha]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Hi fellow JESUS fanatics

I found jesus about a month ago in my garden, while digging for earthworms.

At first I couldnt be sure, as I figured he would appeared at best, in a burning bush. However, in the garden he appeared in the shell of a slug.

I believe I killed JESUS yesterday while applying pesticide to my garden.

How do I go about not getting slammed by the mighty rod of GOD over this incident. I assure you this was unplanned and If possible I would rather have eaten JESUS than poison the mighty ONE.

Brother in tears

Welcome Friend.
I just gave you an Infraction for not knowing the difference between a Snail and a Slug.
It's basic Home school stuff you should really know.

[CROSSEYEDLOVER]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

Hi fellow JESUS fanatics

I found jesus about a month ago in my garden, while digging for earthworms.

At first I couldnt be sure, as I figured he would appeared at best, in a burning bush. However, in the garden he appeared in the shell of a slug.

I believe I killed JESUS yesterday while applying pesticide to my garden.

How do I go about not getting slammed by the mighty rod of GOD over this incident. I assure you this was unplanned and If possible I would rather have eaten JESUS than poison the mighty ONE.

Brother in tears

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

And yet you expect our Pastor Ezekiel to remember you, because you sent him those nasty photographs of your tattoos the LAST time you got all liquored up?

I must be confusing myself with someone else. I recall no such photographs.

[lady_c]

Re: Landover Baptist Church announces "Mission to Australia"

And yet you expect our Pastor Ezekiel to remember you, because you sent him those nasty photographs of your tattoos the LAST time you got all liquored up?

Do I have tattoos? cool what of?