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  • #1

    Praise Jesus I am well again!

    As you know, I haven't been around for the past month. About a week before Christmas, I was stressing over the lack of funds for our Presents for Pastors program, where the community comes together to collectively reward our hard-working pastors with special luxury gifts for Christmas. It seems our parishoners had to go Scrooge on us this year, coming up with BS excuses like "I got laid off" and "my wife needs cancer treatment" to skimp on their donations. So, THANK YOU for not rewarding Pastor Zeke with that marble bathroom that he wanted.

    Anyways, the stress was getting to me and I started getting heart palpitations. I was taken to Freehold Memorial and it was determined my arteries were clogged severely. These quack doctors said it was because of my heavy diet of bacon and cheese and not the Devil trying to trip me up because he doesn't like how I spread the Good News to the world. So I had my private jet fly me to Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles for open-heart surgery, just in case. Now, I know I was healed by prayer. The surgery didn't have much to do with healing my heart. It was just a precautious measure. After all, I had all of Landover Baptist praying for me to recover....and I recovered...isn't that enough proof that God answers your prayers?

    And to a couple people, who will remain nameless, no I am not a hypocrite for telling you to withhold medical treatment for you or your loved ones and instead give that money to the Presents for Pastors fund. All you need is prayer. That's what healed me. You think a bunch of Ivy League Jews with X-acto knives tinkering around with my heart actually healed me? Seriously?

    Well, I'm back on my feet again. And I thank Jesus for allowing me to live another day. It's good to be back, brothers and sisters.

    Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

    Tags: health, prayer, testimony
  • #2
    Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

    Praise Jesus, it's great to have you back Rev. Jim. And just in time for our annual January Pastor's Retreat in Bermuda. There's nothing wrong with you that a few hours of Prayer and a few bottles of Single Malt won't cure.



    ...I am still upset about that marble bathroom I had picked out. The marble came from an ancient Greek temple I was going to buy and have dismantled....

    I heard that joo bastard Benny Hinn bought it out from under me...
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

      Brother, I think God not allowing you to get the marble bathroom this year was God's way of testing you. Just like he tested Job. He screwed Job over, as you know, but he screwed you over even more. Stay faithful, my brother.

      Anyways, I'll see you in Bermuda on the 13th!

      That young black boy, Marcus, is really eager to receive one of your sermons again from what I hear.

      Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

        Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post

        That young black boy, Marcus, is really eager to receive one of your sermons again from what I hear.
        Oh yea....I remember Marcus....
        Who Will Jesus Damn?

        Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

        Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

        Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

          My prayers worked!

          Glory alleluia for this concrete proof of God's continuing love for His elect!

          Praise you, Jesus, for delivering our good Pastor from torment to once again bless us with his wondrous insights into your glory.
          sigpic
          Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

          John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

          Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
          The truth about volcanos
          Sex and debauchery in public schools
          Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
          God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
          Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

            It must almost be unsatisfying to still be alive and not in the Bosom of Abraham watching the sinners writhe in agony begging for water from across the chasm.

            Oh well. Better luck next year, Reverend. I'm glad Jesus decided to keep you on the earth for us.
            Praise and worship with Pastor Will. Services at 9 a.m., 11 a.m. and 6 p.m.


            Contact me. pastorwillsampson at gmail.com

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

              Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
              Praise Jesus, it's great to have you back Rev. Jim. And just in time for our annual January Pastor's Retreat in Bermuda. There's nothing wrong with you that a few hours of Prayer and a few bottles of Single Malt won't cure.



              ...I am still upset about that marble bathroom I had picked out. The marble came from an ancient Greek temple I was going to buy and have dismantled....

              I heard that joo bastard Benny Hinn bought it out from under me...
              I'm sure the Lord will provide for you in the end. Hopefully He is just testing you on a temporary basis. I heard that the design for you bathroom came from the Good Book itself so I'm sure God will appreciate that,

              1 Chronicles 29:2 Now I have prepared with all my might for the house of my God the gold for things to be made of gold, and the silver for things of silver, and the brass for things of brass, the iron for things of iron, and wood for things of wood; onyx stones, and stones to be set, glistering stones, and of divers colours, and all manner of precious stones, and marble stones in abundance.


              Maybe you can fill your bath with wine?

              Isaiah 5:10 Yea, ten acres of vineyard shall yield one bath , and the seed of an homer shall yield an ephah.

              But I know that you will not find the seed of any homers in your bath

              That was just a vile rumour.

              YIC

              Jack
              Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

              sigpic

              I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

                Originally posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
                Anyways, the stress was getting to me and I started getting heart palpitations. I was taken to Freehold Memorial and it was determined my arteries were clogged severely. These quack doctors said it was because of my heavy diet of bacon and cheese and not the Devil trying to trip me up because he doesn't like how I spread the Good News to the world. So I had my private jet fly me to Cedars-Sinai in Los Angeles for open-heart surgery, just in case. Now, I know I was healed by prayer. The surgery didn't have much to do with healing my heart. It was just a precautious measure. After all, I had all of Landover Baptist praying for me to recover....and I recovered...isn't that enough proof that God answers your prayers?
                I am so pleased Rev. Jim that you are well again. What a POWERFUL testament to effectiveness of prayer!

                Even though you had the precautious measure of open heart surgery we all know that He was guiding the surgeon's knife.

                Glory!

                Jack
                Attached Files
                Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

                sigpic

                I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Praise Jesus I am well again!

                  As always, Brother Jim, your testimony is an inspiration to us all. We won't stop praying for your continued good health. And, please, pray for us also.

                  JJH
                  Isaiah 24:1-3 Behold, the LORD maketh the earth empty (2)...as the taker of usury, so with the giver of usury to him. (3) The land shall be utterly emptied, and utterly spoiled: for the LORD hath spoken his word.

                  Comment

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