[Jedediah]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Hosea 9:8-17
The watchman of Ephraim was with my God: but the prophet is a snare of a fowler in all his ways, and hatred in the house of his God.
They have deeply corrupted themselves, as in the days of Gibeah: therefore he will remember their iniquity, he will visit their sins.
I found Israel like grapes in the wilderness; I saw your fathers as the firstripe in the fig tree at her first time: but they went to Baalpeor, and separated themselves unto that shame; and their abominations were according as they loved.
As for Ephraim, their glory shall fly away like a bird, from the birth, and from the womb, and from the conception.
Though they bring up their children, yet will I bereave them, that there shall not be a man left: yea, woe also to them when I depart from them!
Ephraim, as I saw Tyrus, is planted in a pleasant place: but Ephraim shall bring forth his children to the murderer.
Give them, O LORD: what wilt thou give? give them a miscarrying womb and dry breasts.
All their wickedness is in Gilgal: for there I hated them: for the wickedness of their doings I will drive them out of mine house, I will love them no more: all their princes are revolters.
Ephraim is smitten, their root is dried up, they shall bear no fruit: yea, though they bring forth, yet will I slay even the beloved fruit of their womb.
My God will cast them away, because they did not hearken unto him: and they shall be wanderers among the nations.

Your tales of effrontery and insolence toward the LORD during your sojourn into the institutions of the secular elites provide ample explanation for the barren state of your dried up husk of a womb. It is most unfortunate that you chose to rebel against Him during your prime childbearing years.

But He has brought you here now, that you may become strong in the Faith and seek His Face. I exhort you to strengthen your faith in the LORD and accept Jesus' wonderful gift of everlasting life! If you follow the teachings of the Pastors and follow the Bible to the letter and develop ample faith, it may turn out that He plans to reawaken your womb much as He awoke the womb of 90 year-old Sarah in Genesis 17: 15-19.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Welcome to our friendly forum handmaiden, I like you already!

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I'd love to read your alleged thesis. Please post the link.

My thesis is not available online. It's title was " Is This Seat Saved ?-- No, But It's Under Conviction: Living a 20th Century Life With A First Century Cosmology" or some such nonsense. It's not important now, because I have set aside such useless learning.

the barren state of your dried up husk of a womb. [/COLOR]

Hey, my womb is not dried up. I wish it were. You try cranking out eggs and getting so horny once a month that Randy Quaid starts looking as good as Dennis Quaid. But thanks for using all the pretty colors with the Bible quotes. It helps to soften my stiff necked resistance to learning my proper place in the Church.

Speaking of church, should I consider resuming my association with the Plymouth Brethren? As I mentioned before, they interpret the Pauline doctrines to mean that women in their assembly can only say "amen" and sing during meetings. Women are required to wear head coverings and, of course, do all the kitchen duty for community meals. The don't have music during the worship meeting, but some groups allow piano during Gospel meetings . They do not have flags in the meeting houses and in at least two of the meeting assemblies that I visited, they had black people.

Seeking Relief From My Sinful Hormones,

Handmaiden

[Nobar King]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I'll give you a compliment: Your mastery of grammar and syntax is tenth grade, to say the least. We would be fortunate if more users were able to make a parenthetical phrase and separate it with a comma. The advantage of being able to write well is that I don't automatically hate you for posting garbage that is tedious to parse.

However, are you a Christian? This is a Christian forum, after all.

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

I'll give you a compliment: Your mastery of grammar and syntax is tenth grade, to say the least. We would be fortunate if more users were able to make a parenthetical phrase and separate it with a comma. The advantage of being able to write well is that I don't automatically hate you for posting garbage that is tedious to parse.

However, are you a Christian? This is a Christian forum, after all.

Well, at 16 I acknowledged that I am a Sinner and accepted Christ as my personal Savior. I have the date written down somewhere on one of those little pledge booklets. I have read the Bible closely and, as I mentioned earlier, I received the Baptism of the Holy Spirit during an all night prayer session with a sister in Christ.

As the years went by, I became confused by what seemed conflicting information in the Bible and amongst different groups of people claiming themselves to be Christians. Now, at LBC, I can set aside confusion and concentrate on living every second of my life in complete and total devotion to every word of the Bible knowing that there are no conflicts in the revealed Word of a perfect God.

Will that do or is there a secret handshake that I need to learn?

Grammatically yours,

Handmaiden

[Nobar King]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Will that do or is there a secret handshake that I need to learn?

As far as this forum is concerned, we go by your word. When it comes to Jesus, only He will be able to judge that.

Since this is your introduction thread it would be nice to know more about you. Do you like to sew? What is your favorite color?

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Since this is your introduction thread it would be nice to know more about you. Do you like to sew? What is your favorite color?

Oh, I do love to sew! But I no longer allow myself to have a favorite color because I cannot locate a specific Biblical verse instructing me as to how to choose a color or even if God approves of either choosing or colors.

I used to be partial to BVM blue or Blessed Virgin Mary blue but that's just because my Catholic grandmother had visions of Mary. But I know that she is in hell now so that foolishness is behind me.

Colorlessly yours,

Handmaiden

[Nobar King]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Oh, I do love to sew! But I no longer allow myself to have a favorite color because I cannot locate a specific Biblical verse instructing me as to how to choose a color or even if God approves of either choosing or colors.

I used to be partial to BVM blue or Blessed Virgin Mary blue but that's just because my Catholic grandmother had visions of Mary. But I know that she is in hell now so that foolishness is behind me.

Colorlessly yours,

Handmaiden

Now you're being silly. Your favorite color isn't chosen from the Bible. Otherwise, everyone's favorite color would be white. I'm partial to green, for example. Sometimes it reminds me of a freshly cut lawn.

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Is it safe to say that I like red? Or will that get me in trouble?

I'm trying to have faith that God has actually guided me here to this site after all those years of learning critical thinking and applied reasoning. Those practices have done nothing to bring me spiritual fulfillment or wealth and I have most definitely repented. Also, being smart makes me ugly to men and living without the approval of men is almost as bad as having God mad at me.

Are you mad at me, brother? Should I have said that I like pink?

Blushingly yours,

Handmaiden

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

So, I was reading someone else's introductory thread and he listed all his past sins. Do I have to do that? How much detail do you need? Some of them involve multiple orgasms and voting communist.

The worst, of course, involve yearnings for independence, thinking for myself and questioning authority. Also, I once wore a t-shirt that gave some credence to eviloution. Oh, and pride, that's a big one. A former lover once told me that I had "Museum Quality Breasts" so now I have to dress 'em up in pretty bras. Vanity that name is woman-- what are you gonna do?

Hesitantly Yours,

Handmaiden

P.S. The Muppets! I knew there was another sin! Idolatry and the Muppets!

[Phoenix]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Dear Madam,

I am happy you found your way to God's favorite Church.

Many blessings upon you.

[James Dewitt]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

=handmaiden;519236]

So, I was reading someone else's introductory thread and he listed all his past sins. Do I have to do that? How much detail do you need? Some of them involve multiple orgasms and voting communist.

You should list your sins and yes detail can be very important. The Pastors need to understand the depth of your perversions.

The worst, of course, involve yearnings for independence, thinking for myself and questioning authority.

I can see that you have already changed this problem

Also, I once wore a t-shirt that gave some credence to eviloution. Oh, and pride, that's a big one.

We can help with both.

A former lover once told me that I had "Museum Quality Breasts" so now I have to dress 'em up in pretty bras. Vanity that name is woman-- what are you gonna do?

Egad woman men do not talk about that sort of thing. You need to speak with a True Christian Sister(R)

P.S. The Muppets!

Stay away from them until they have been cleared by the DoF , whatever they are. Are Muppets code for Lesbo?

Can you share your Testiomoy of Jesus with us? How did you come to find Him, has He filled you with His love?

[James Hutchins]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

My thesis is not available online. It's title was " Is This Seat Saved ?-- No, But It's Under Conviction: Living a 20th Century Life With A First Century Cosmology" or some such nonsense. ............... <<<<<<< tl;dr >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Oh.......... you are one of those makeup artists that paints a ladies face with lipstick and other whorish markings.... That explains it.

[handmaiden]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

Oh.......... you are one of those makeup artists that paints a ladies face with lipstick and other whorish markings.... That explains it.

No, Brother Hutchins, neither I nor the fine Christian Ladies of that humble little Plymouth Meeting congregation marked ourselves with such scandalous products. The women I observed wore proper hats, had long hair and were always dressed in demure fashion. The only jewelry that they permitted themselves were the engagement and weddings rings given to them by their earthly lords, their husbands.

The Gospel Hall was discreetly set in a quaint neighborhood and had undergone only minor alterations over the many generations of its existence. The upper floor, the province of the men, was done with tasteful restraint. The money was there to be seen, but they didn't flash it around, if you take my meaning. The basement/kitchen area, both of which are the proper province of women, was done in much humbler, cheaper materials.

The main meeting room was decorated with large, framed Bible verses. There were no idolaltrist images and no stained glass . . . And no American Flag!

Do you see the sourse of my consternation and vexation? They seemed so godly. They looked at every aspect of their lives and considered how the first century Christians would have handled them. They seemed to eat, breath and sleep the Word of God. I admired them for their honest conviction when I myself had lapsed because of my sinful habit of thinking things through and wanting to fully understand the tenents of the faith to which I had aligned myself.

If these people had known that I was lapsed, I don't think that they would have banned me or dealt with me harshly in any way. I saw no evidence of stoning. There was no blood anywhere. Granted, the women of the meeting were excellent housekeepers, but even a CSI team would have hard pressed to find anything to suggest such activity.

So much Bible study, so much dedication to conservative values, and so little patriotism. thus I am . . .

[James Hutchins]

Re: With Fear And Trembling . . .

No, Brother Hutchins, <<<<<<<<<<<< tl;dr >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. . .

I thought you were one of those cosmopolonauts?

Speak American woman. 'Olde English' is reserved for pretentious little 'shoppes' and tacky marketing schemes.