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The most delicious foods of the Bible
The Holy Bible is the complete manual of life, which includes instructions for everything any Christian would need in life. That, of course, includes some really tasty foods and recipes!
Here are some of my absolute favorites (and please feel free to add more):
1. Gold powder beverage.
Exodus 32:19-20
19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.
20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.
While finding the golden calf might be a problem, any 22 karat (or higher) gold jewelry should do for this purpose. May I say, though, that this delicacy is not for tin tithers, if you know what I mean!
2. Human dung-baked bread.
Ezekiel 4:9-12
9 Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.
10 And thy meat which thou shalt eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day: from time to time shalt thou eat it.
11 Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink.
12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.
Now, that's Biblical dining at its finest!
3. Books.
Ezekiel 2:8-10
8 But thou, son of man, hear what I say unto thee; Be not thou rebellious like that rebellious house: open thy mouth, and eat that I give thee.
9 And when I looked, behold, an hand was sent unto me; and, lo, a roll of a book was therein;
10 And he spread it before me; and it was written within and without: and there was written therein lamentations, and mourning, and woe.
Ezekiel 3:1-3
1 Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, eat that thou findest; eat this roll, and go speak unto the house of Israel.
2 So I opened my mouth, and he caused me to eat that roll.
3 And he said unto me, Son of man, cause thy belly to eat, and fill thy bowels with this roll that I give thee. Then did I eat it; and it was in my mouth as honey for sweetness.
While an ancient scroll of the Book of Lamentations would certainly have the sweetest honey-like taste, I think any old book would be very tasty as well! Nonetheless, we probably should avoid eating books which appear a bit moldy.
4. Own children.
When cannibalism is described (and always in such delicious detail) in the Bible, it is usually the parents who eat their own children. Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire has covered that tasty aspect of True Christian™ life quite excellently.
5. Insects.
Who wouldn't like the crunch of an exoskeleton in their mouth? Well, enjoy all you want, because God clearly wants us to eat locusts, grasshoppers, and beetles:
Leviticus 11:22 Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind.
After all, any food that was good enough for John the Baptist should be good enough for a True Christian™:
Matthew 3:4 And the same John had his raiment of camel's hair, and a leathern girdle about his loins; and his meat was locusts and wild honey.
6. Grass.
Several verses show that despite our meager denture and single stomachs, people are, in fact, capable of chewing and digesting grass:
Daniel 4:25 That they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field, and they shall make thee to eat grass as oxen, and they shall wet thee with the dew of heaven, and seven times shall pass over thee, till thou know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
Daniel 4:32-33
32 And they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field: they shall make thee to eat grass as oxen, and seven times shall pass over thee, until thou know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
33 The same hour was the thing fulfilled upon Nebuchadnezzar: and he was driven from men, and did eat grass as oxen, and his body was wet with the dew of heaven, till his hairs were grown like eagles' feathers, and his nails like birds' claws.
What have I missed, Brothers and Sisters? Please help me in compiling a comprehensive list of the most delicious foods of the Holy Bible!
Here are some of my absolute favorites (and please feel free to add more):
1. Gold powder beverage.
Exodus 32:19-20
19 And it came to pass, as soon as he came nigh unto the camp, that he saw the calf, and the dancing: and Moses' anger waxed hot, and he cast the tables out of his hands, and brake them beneath the mount.
20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it.
While finding the golden calf might be a problem, any 22 karat (or higher) gold jewelry should do for this purpose. May I say, though, that this delicacy is not for tin tithers, if you know what I mean!
Ezekiel 4:9-12
9 Take thou also unto thee wheat, and barley, and beans, and lentiles, and millet, and fitches, and put them in one vessel, and make thee bread thereof, according to the number of the days that thou shalt lie upon thy side, three hundred and ninety days shalt thou eat thereof.
10 And thy meat which thou shalt eat shall be by weight, twenty shekels a day: from time to time shalt thou eat it.
11 Thou shalt drink also water by measure, the sixth part of an hin: from time to time shalt thou drink.
12 And thou shalt eat it as barley cakes, and thou shalt bake it with dung that cometh out of man, in their sight.
Now, that's Biblical dining at its finest!
3. Books.
Ezekiel 2:8-10
8 But thou, son of man, hear what I say unto thee; Be not thou rebellious like that rebellious house: open thy mouth, and eat that I give thee.
9 And when I looked, behold, an hand was sent unto me; and, lo, a roll of a book was therein;
10 And he spread it before me; and it was written within and without: and there was written therein lamentations, and mourning, and woe.
Ezekiel 3:1-3
1 Moreover he said unto me, Son of man, eat that thou findest; eat this roll, and go speak unto the house of Israel.
2 So I opened my mouth, and he caused me to eat that roll.
3 And he said unto me, Son of man, cause thy belly to eat, and fill thy bowels with this roll that I give thee. Then did I eat it; and it was in my mouth as honey for sweetness.
While an ancient scroll of the Book of Lamentations would certainly have the sweetest honey-like taste, I think any old book would be very tasty as well!
Nonetheless, we probably should avoid eating books which appear a bit moldy. 4. Own children.
When cannibalism is described (and always in such delicious detail) in the Bible, it is usually the parents who eat their own children. Pastor Ezekiel Bathfire has covered that tasty aspect of True Christian™ life quite excellently.
5. Insects.
Who wouldn't like the crunch of an exoskeleton in their mouth? Well, enjoy all you want, because God clearly wants us to eat locusts, grasshoppers, and beetles:
Leviticus 11:22 Even these of them ye may eat; the locust after his kind, and the bald locust after his kind, and the beetle after his kind, and the grasshopper after his kind.
After all, any food that was good enough for John the Baptist should be good enough for a True Christian™:
Matthew 3:4 And the same John had his raiment of camel's hair, and a leathern girdle about his loins; and his meat was locusts and wild honey.
6. Grass.
Several verses show that despite our meager denture and single stomachs, people are, in fact, capable of chewing and digesting grass:
Daniel 4:25 That they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field, and they shall make thee to eat grass as oxen, and they shall wet thee with the dew of heaven, and seven times shall pass over thee, till thou know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
Daniel 4:32-33
32 And they shall drive thee from men, and thy dwelling shall be with the beasts of the field: they shall make thee to eat grass as oxen, and seven times shall pass over thee, until thou know that the most High ruleth in the kingdom of men, and giveth it to whomsoever he will.
33 The same hour was the thing fulfilled upon Nebuchadnezzar: and he was driven from men, and did eat grass as oxen, and his body was wet with the dew of heaven, till his hairs were grown like eagles' feathers, and his nails like birds' claws.
What have I missed, Brothers and Sisters? Please help me in compiling a comprehensive list of the most delicious foods of the Holy Bible!
Please let me know if you ever want some of the gold leaf-covered doughnuts:
I guess you are also canceling your reservation of Prime Seat in Heaven (resting on Jesus' bosom)? Well, if you want to risk the future of your immortal soul by trusting some shady "pastor" who has not read Haggai 2:8, that is your choice to make, but I would be worried if I were you.
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