Delay in my Application?

[BrotherLarry]

Really? My paperwork just came back in the mail today.

I forgot to put a period after one of the statements in my application for residency and it is returned to me to do all 100 pages again?

Really?

Is this something a healthy tithe would fix? My parents released my trust fund so I could easily remit a reasonable amount.

I want to get this taken care of since my current lease expires in October.

[Basilissa]

Re: Delay in my Application?

Well, if I were a mean person I'd say "I told you so," but I'm a sweet True Christian(tm) lady, so I won't.

You know that Pastor Zeke is still waiting for his plane, right?

[Roland]

Re: Delay in my Application?

Hello Larry,

I am not familiar with the workings of the DoF though to me it seems resubmitting your application and a healthy tithe are not mutually exclusive. Have you verified only the missing period is the problem? Possibly the DoF denied the request immediately after finding this missing period and didn´t bother to go through the rest. It would be a shame if you were to resubmit your documentation (and another healthy tithe) only to find it being rejected again because the comma you put in two pages later should have actually been a semicolon. You might find yourself running out of funds pretty fast this way.

Kind regards,

Roland

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Delay in my Application?

It's just a question of standards, Brother Larry. It starts with a missing period and next thing you know, you're misusing semi-colons.

Is this something a healthy tithe would fix? My parents released my trust fund so I could easily remit a reasonable amount.

Are you saying you haven't already? Matthew 6:24, Brother!

YiC
Joanna

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Delay in my Application?

Hello Larry,

I am not familiar with the workings of the DoF though to me it seems resubmitting your application and a healthy tithe are not mutually exclusive. Have you verified only the missing period is the problem? Possibly the DoF denied the request immediately after finding this missing period and didn´t bother to go through the rest. It would be a shame if you were to resubmit your documentation (and another healthy tithe) only to find it being rejected again because the comma you put in two pages later should have actually been a semicolon. You might find yourself running out of funds pretty fast this way.

Kind regards,

Roland

I just had a local university English professor who is also a Baptist check over the entire application. In all, he found 8 comma faults, 3 period omissions, 2 semi-colon errors, and 20 colon errors. Whew! I thought I knew my colon usage better than that.

I have resubmitted the application with a $5000 tithe. Good thing I noticed that the address had to specify that it was a resubmission!

[Roland]

Re: Delay in my Application?

[...]
I have resubmitted the application with a $5000 tithe. Good thing I noticed that the address had to specify that it was a resubmission!

Hello Larry,

This might be painful. Perhaps you should have taken the friendly hint of Basilissa at heart before you reapplied. Were you to follow the link she has provided it would have become clear that Pastor Ezekiel can not compete with a second hand Cessna. Your tithe would be at best 0,0028% of the cost of the air plane the Pastor wants and even then you would be denying him his gold toilet.

Kind regards,

Roland

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Delay in my Application?


Did everyone who moved to Freehold go through this tedium?


My pastor called me tonight telling me that someone from the Department of Faith called him to verify that I was attending church every week and how much I put in the collection plate (and whether I give each service or just at the one in the morning on Sunday).


My church doesn't have a Dept. of Faith, so he was a little skeptical to give answers - but he responded to each question. Pastor was a bit taken aback by the following questions:


1. Does the applicant always wear appropriate undergarments?
2. Is there any indication that the applicant is of mixed race?
3. Has the applicant ever been the recipient of church charity?
4. Please estimate the time that applicant spends in prayer each week.
5. Have you ever heard the applicant speak ill of any Republican? If so, whom? What was said? If appropriate, did he repent?
6. Was applicant baptized by sprinkling, full immersion, or some other method? Who performed the baptism?
7. How many souls has the applicant brought in to the church in the past year? If less than 100, please explain.
8. Does applicant prefer spicy foods? Curry?
9. Have you ever conducted surveillance on the applicant? If so, for what reason and what were the results?
10. Describe the applicant's general demeanor. (Happy? Sad? Suspicious? Furtive? Determined? Spiritual?)
11. Have you ever suspected the applicant is a witch? Necromancer? Prone to possession by demons?
12. If the applicant is a former Catholic, have you witnessed evidence of sympathy toward that "church"? If yes, did you flog the applicant?


I suppose it will all be worth it once this process is complete, but I would love to hear the explanation for some of those questions.

[Roland]

Re: Delay in my Application?

Did everyone who moved to Freehold go through this tedium?
[...]

From the Bible: Matthew 7:13-14; most Christians will not reach the finish line called Heaven.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Delay in my Application?

From the Bible: Matthew 7:13-14; most ONLY Christians will not reach the finish line called Heaven.

FTFY

[Phil Ander]

Re: Delay in my Application?

1. Does the applicant always wear appropriate undergarments?

I suppose it will all be worth it once this process is complete, but I would love to hear the explanation for some of those questions.

Larry, we are both recent True Christians™. I went through a gruelling process to reach this status. Reading The Bible is the answer for all of your questions.


Maybe one of the Pastors will expand upon the answer, but wearing Biblically endorsed undergarments is a salvation requirement. These must not be of a mixture of linen and wool.

https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Deuteronomy-Chapter-22/#

and

https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Leviticus-Chapter-19/#

It is entirely reasonable that LBC appoint a proxy to go through your underwear. If you have been careless enough not to check the manufacture of your unmentionables, then there are checks and balances in the LBC DOF system to determine this.


There is also the question of mormon infiltrators. LBC is well aware of their subversive nature, and the magic undergarments are easily detected by a full body patdown. Noone suspects of you of mormon infiltration, but the rules apply to everyone. I've had a full body patdown by Pastor Harry. I did feel a little uncomfortable until he explained the rules, so I now know how important this vetting process is.


Phil

[BrotherLarry]

Re: Delay in my Application?

Larry, we are both recent True Christians™. I went through a gruelling process to reach this status. Reading The Bible is the answer for all of your questions.


Maybe one of the Pastors will expand upon the answer, but wearing Biblically endorsed undergarments is a salvation requirement. These must not be of a mixture of linen and wool.

https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Deuteronomy-Chapter-22/#

and

https://www.kingjamesbibleonline.org/Leviticus-Chapter-19/#

It is entirely reasonable that LBC appoint a proxy to go through your underwear. If you have been careless enough not to check the manufacture of your unmentionables, then there are checks and balances in the LBC DOF system to determine this.


There is also the question of mormon infiltrators. LBC is well aware of their subversive nature, and the magic undergarments are easily detected by a full body patdown. Noone suspects of you of mormon infiltration, but the rules apply to everyone. I've had a full body patdown by Pastor Harry. I did feel a little uncomfortable until he explained the rules, so I now know how important this vetting process is.


Phil

Brother Phil,
How kind of you to offer explanations for at least part of this application and vetting process. For you to reach out like this makes me feel confident that Christ lives in your heart. (2 Corinthians 3:3)


Let's go camping sometime.


COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry