Miracle in the Forest

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Looking for a deer for the freezer, I went from Freehold across country to a spot about a mile north the so-called “Hidden Acres Christian Center”. I encourage you to see their brochure at http://www.hacamps.org/retreats.html. I attach a photo from it, which seems to show a transgender man in his wife’s blouse with a dead cat on his head offering cow shit to God. If that is not enough, the center is “Closed on Easter Sunday.”

But I digress, This is not a story of “Hidden Acres Christian Center” whose Christianity bears as much likeness to Christ’s teaching as that oaf Biden does to Mr Donald Trump; the story is far more important: I saw evidence of a Miracle and I want to know who among us is responsible for it.

Deep in the forest where the trail crosses a road, I saw this

Now, the whole thing is inexplicable by science. Miles from anywhere, a pair of crutches… How did the cripple get there? Why was this place chosen? Who helped him out the car? What prayer did they say? Who was the subject of the miracle?

People we need to be told before Zeke signs a contract for 20,000 acres of mountain forest...

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

Now, the whole thing is inexplicable by science. Miles from anywhere, a pair of crutches… How did the cripple get there? Why was this place chosen? Who helped him out the car? What prayer did they say? Who was the subject of the miracle?

Pastor Bathfire, Sir, did you check the vicinity for signs of a freshly-dug grave? Because in these times, so difficult for the UnSaved, one hears rumors of the mysterious disappearance of burdensome family members. Or is that just in England?

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

You are seriously asking me – who witnessed the evidence of a miracle – if I immediately thought it would be a good idea to find evidence to deny The Power of God?

You implicitly suggest that I should think the worst about mankind and fight my way through deep undergrowth, filled with the Lord knows what vicious animals and plants, and search through 20,000 acres of wilderness on a wild-goose chase? (And people ask why women don’t rule the world or have a real place in a real Church!)

I’ll be frank: A grave struck me as a possibility, but then I instantly dismissed it. My reasoning is sound and simple and based upon my deep belief in the inherent goodness of this great nation:

A If the cripple were dead and those that bought him were Christian, it would be known that in Heaven all are whole and there are no crutches and no need for doctors. So why would they have bought crutches along?

B However, if they all were Christian, then there could have been no crime, e.g. a murder, concealment of death, etc. as God forbids this.

C If the cripple were dead and those that bought him were Christian, they would not have been in a forest in the first place: They would have spent as much money on a Christian burial as their capital and credit limit would allow. As a director of Landover’s “Lazarus Morticians” (Motto “Our Day starts when Yours ends” – Sales pitch “Nothing lasts for ever except our embalming”) I often invite the bereaved to express their love for God and the deceased by thinking of each $10,000 spent as a tithe of love and respect.

D If the cripple were not dead and those that bought him were not Christian, had their been “foul play”, there would be a grave but no crutches, which would be evidence and buried with the newly dead.

E If the cripple were not dead and those that bought him were not Christian, there would have been no miracle as God does not hear the prayers of sinners – And who sins more than one who does not believe (or a Catholic)?

[WWJDnow]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

If the gimp had just died, they would have buried the braces with him so he could use them to walk in Hell (or Heaven, I suppose, but I doubt God wants to see cripples around Him all the time). The only explanation that makes sense is that this is a bone fide miracle.

[Kallima pelipa]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

If the gimp had just died, they would have buried the braces with him so he could use them to walk in Hell (or Heaven, I suppose, but I doubt God wants to see cripples around Him all the time). The only explanation that makes sense is that this is a bone fide miracle.

why

[Maria Knight]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

why

Ahem



Also:

[WWJDnow]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

why

Why would he need his braces in Hell or why would the fact that a cripple walked off without his braces prove that he was miraculously healed on the spot?

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

why

Why not?


We are Christian here, Kallima. If you are Christian and simply unable to construct a sentence, you are welcome. If not, then you are headed for Hell and this may just be one of your stops along the way. Your lack of complete candor leaves us wondering if the Lord sent you here to assist you in your salvation of if it was Satan who sent you to vex Christians. Inquiring minds want to know.


You may have missed the instructions which include our request that newcomers be polite enough to give a proper introduction. We'd like to know who you are and if you are here as a menace or to fellowship with Christian people. Tell us what congregation you attend, how you found Jesus and what work your husband does for a living, as well as any other information that may help us to know who and what you are.


Your name sounds vaguely Greek. Are you Greek? And if so, are you a sodomite? Greeks are known to engage in frequent sodomy.

[Kallima pelipa]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

sorry,is

[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.87)]Welsh name, iam from cardiff weles[/COLOR]

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

sorry,is

[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.87)]Welsh name, iam from cardiff weles[/COLOR]

What language do you Whales speak?

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

I recognize just about everything in that picture except what looks to me like a gook jungle camouflage rocket launcher. The older I get the more I have these Nam flashbacks, so I could be wrong - or it could be a clue.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

sorry,is

[COLOR=rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.87)]Welsh name, iam from cardiff weles[/COLOR]

That's a nice picture of Brazilian journalist Ana Brito on your user page, dear. Is she your mom? Does she know you're on the internet? And does she know that you can't spell journalist?

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

What language do you Whales speak?

It's not a language as such, just something they switch to either for incomprehensibility or to make themselves unemployable by pretending it's their "first language" for example

prospective employer: “Will you be commuting by rail?”
E.U. welfare recipient: “Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogogoch.”
prospective employer: “Next!”

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

Now, the whole thing is inexplicable by science. Miles from anywhere, a pair of crutches… How did the cripple get there? Why was this place chosen? Who helped him out the car? What prayer did they say? Who was the subject of the miracle?

People we need to be told before Zeke signs a contract for 20,000 acres of mountain forest...

I think we need to look at both the past and current practices of healing to figure out what happened.

In the Bible Jesus performed miracles including healing in front of big crowds or where there was someone to record what happened so we can today read about it in the Bible. The modern world term for this is "publicity." Pastor Zeke and Benny Hinn do healing in big auditoriums.

With that in mind I would think those abandoned crutches happened when a pastor healed the cripple. But, it would have been done in front of a wealthy donor or perhaps there is a video circulating somewhere.

I know there are cynical atheists out there who find it disgusting the crowd or publicity is part of the healing ministry. The reality is Pastors like our Zeke need to make a livining. Without some money to live on he could not continue preaching and healing. While we are not allowed to show Pastor Zeke's house for security reasons, I was provided though Mayoral contacts a picture of Benny Hinn's house. His healing ministry has provided him with a house befitting someone who goes about helping sick people. I hope the preacher who healed the cripple in the woods has a place like Benny's:

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Miracle in the Forest

I share your disappointment at the lack of understanding displayed by many who sail under a false flag of Christianity. Too often I hear “Why does Pastor Zeke require two 747s?” or “A fleet of identical black limos?” or “Is it true that Pastor Zeke has eight mansions?” etc, etc, ad nauseam.

These people are either atheists in disguise, sitting on a band-wagon in the hopes of being accepted into normal society, or Catholics working against Landover. Indeed it is this very evil in mankind that prevents the Jews from being perfected and causes evil in the world.

Two points arise:
1 The entitlement of priests: Deuteronomy 18:1 The priests the Levites, and all the tribe of Levi, shall have no part nor inheritance with Israel: they shall eat the offerings of the LORD made by fire, and his inheritance. Obviously, Christianity moves with the times and the tithes became monetary tithes, just as sheep and grain has a monetary value and the Church likes to make things convenient.

God blesses those who do his works best (The parable of the Talents) and thus a large and wealthy congregation will produce large and wealthy tithes. Pastor Zeke then distributes these tithes to increase God’s Glory.

Zeke has no personal wealth at all – it is all God’s Bounty.

2 The consistent warning that leaving or disobeying God will have its consequences. Jeremiah is a prime example – Through him, God warns everyone what will happen if Israel and Judah does not heed His Word – they do not heed his word and His People are driven off into exile.


Perhaps this is a good time to note that due to a plague crossing the land, notes and coins will no longer be accepted, and bank drafts are in order.