Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

[Phil Ander]

For quite some time I have wondered why there are more homosexuals now than there were 100 years ago. I have focussed my attention to the toilet experience. It is well known that Arabs ( aka muslims) use a hand to wipe stuff off. They may have let a finger linger on the anal verge slightly longer than is needed and found some sickening pleasure in it. This may explain the high incidence of males on males in Araby and Greece.


More civilised societies replaced the hand with toilet paper when it came to ablutive duties. I remember using torn up newspapers, corrugated cardboard, discarded sandpaper when I answered nature's call. These materials served a practical purpose and no pleasure was felt.


However these days we are bombarded with ads about softer toilet tissues accompanied by orchestral music, fluffy puppies, and gleaming white spotless bathrooms. No wonder the feeble minded have adopted the "gay" pathway, whereby wiping your nether regions with triple softened delicately patterned hand printed tissue is seen as some sort of celebration.


It is not for me to call for a ban on these satanic ads for these satanic products. But there does need to be some balance. At the very least, there needs to be a tax, or some sort of levy, on these products to fund homosexual reducation camps.

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

There may well be some truth in this.

You see, the biggest obstacles for the anal enthusiast is the excruciatingly painful pain that both parties experience (I expect).

This is why the predatory, penile, posterior, penetrator has to get the clean limbed, naive young youth (possibly with a whisper of downy youth fluff on his soft youthful cheek) high on the Drugs; mainlining the wacky backy into his veins to numb the pain of the raucous, rumpular rumpus, I imagine.

So logically, with a battered and bruised buttocular cleft they sandy haired young youth (who may or may not be in a state of undress) shakes of the effects of the Drugs coursing through his veins and tries to shake off the shame of the rape (legitimate, anal) having to use a low quality toilet paper would be just the thing to deunencouragise him from choosing to the raped again!

Having a paper that actually sooths the area of decimated disrepute is tantamount to holding the struggling blonde haired (probably) soft skinned young youth down and forcing a filthy pervert to chose to have his way with his most unholiest of holies!

Are we actually going to stand by when rape (legitimate, anal) is being promulgated by big TP?

Not this True Christian(tm)! Next time my clean limbed, eager young nephew comes to visit he will definitely be leaving with a sore bottom: there will be no gay enabling in my toilets!

YIC

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

It is not for me to call for a ban on these satanic ads for these satanic products. But there does need to be some balance. At the very least, there needs to be a tax, or some sort of levy, on these products to fund homosexual reducation camps

This is one of the few reasons I'm glad I live in the UK where tamp*ns are correctly labelled as a luxury item! Women should be in a menstual hut, not skateboarding or scuba diving about the place at all hours.

Leviticus 15:19 And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even.”

YIC

[Titus Templeton]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

I haven't used toilet paper in years. I know many homosexuals who can't hold the poop in anymore because they had too much anal sex.
But a normal anus can shit and its still pretty clean down there. And my wife is cleaning underwear every day anyway so no one gets hurt.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

I haven't used toilet paper in years. I know many homosexuals who can't hold the poop in anymore because they had too much anal sex.
But a normal anus can shit and its still pretty clean down there. And my wife is cleaning underwear every day anyway so no one gets hurt.

I'm inclined to agree with you here Brother Templeton, as long as we abide by the dietary Laws in the Holy Bible (KJV1611), and the Biblical Laws on cleanliness, as well as eating a healthy American diet there is no need for TP. It also helps if we pray that Jesus provides us with our daily healthy BM - an important part of our daily ablutions.

While we're on the subject, I feel it's necessary to warn True Christians™ about a device invented by the limp wristed homer French known as the "Bidet". It's some kind of water jet propulsion device that is designed to deliver anal pleasure. If I'm not mistaken, the Freehold plumbing codes prohibit this kind of device but you never know when someone installs one of these sinister devices that escapes the inspector.

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

In my home country which is Jamaica we do not have toilet paper and we have very few homosexuals. Most of the homosexuals from Jamaica go over to Haiti where they also do not have toilet paper but they speak French there and they are mostly homosexuals. I have noticed that many Americans in Wisconsin are homosexuals and that they like to use specially soft toilet paper. For these reasons I also believe that softer toilet paper can lead to homosexuality. I should also note that toilet paper is a great invention and it is much better than clumps of grass and leaves. I believe that toilet paper is one of the keys to western civilization but it should not be too soft.

[Nobar King]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

I don't understand why people think the newspaper is something weird to wipe your ass with just because it doesn't come in a roll.

[Phil Ander]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

I don't understand why people think the newspaper is something weird to wipe your ass with just because it doesn't come in a roll.

I usually try to read it first...but sometimes in an emergency, practicality takes over. I hate doing the crossword puzzle on those days.

[Mrs. Elizabeth Johnson]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

My husband wants to know how we can turn this "bidet" into something to save them and get rid of the homo rectum demons. Do any of the men have ideas to help him?

[QueenisLife]

Re: Hypothesis - Soft toilet paper increases the risk of homersexuality

Are you sure you're okay