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Hello to you all.
I come with a very pressing request to find suitable young ladies to court my eldest sons so they can have wives to wed, bed and further Christ's Army with the pitter patter of infant feet!
Whether they like it or not, they cannot stay single and grow up to become 40 year old untouched, unwed weaklings. I won't allow it. So ladies, pay attention, here's a preview of viable Christian could-be husbands that can soon be yours!
This is Rush Moans. He is 18 and attends a reputable Christian military college. He is a quarterback in their football league (and pumped for their annual Jesusbowl!) and he is most adept of weeding out the fags lurking among his peers, so he can beat the stuffing out of them!
We took this photo of him last summer on a hunting trip. Ladies, take note, he is a budding marksman and won't tolerate sloppiness when you clean his rifles! He won't want your oily prints all over the shaft!
This is Rush with his brother, Crusher (age 17, he's a big boy!), who also attends the same college.
Crusher also enjoys crushing fags, a habit we noticed in his tender twos when he caused one of the other boys at his Sunday school to be taken to ER with a fractured skull. Crusher had him pinned under an ass from the Nativity diorama during that Christmas. The lucky woman who takes Crusher as her man may be in for a few surprises,and perhaps a black eye or two! 
Now here's Lloyd who is sixteen. I showed this photo to one of our fellow members who was tempted to take all my boys on a camping trip, and I mentioned that this photo, Lloyd was complaining about some pains in his side. We had Dr. Toole examine him for demons and performed a miracle operation. I can assure you gals, little Lloyd is now demon free and at your service!
Now, personality-wise, Lloyd is more social than some of my other boys. He expresses his spirituality in a very oral manner, and takes the pulpit during youth gatherings to spread the Word of God to the younger ones. I know he will be a terrific father. He's charismatic, conservative, brave, and has a gentle manliness about him to round him out. You couldn't find a more lovelier man!
Now I come to a special case; this is Mildrew.
He is 13, going on 14 and I am particularly anxious to find him the right woman, as normally he doesn't seem too interested in girls. I can't even get a decent photo of him because he spends all his time in his room, and gets especially salty with me when I try to come in. Mr. Moans has taken Mildrew out back once, stripped him butt naked, and beat his rear end, whipping his belt with his left-hand, and reading Scripture in his right. Rush and Crusher even spent the better part of an afternoon, sitting on top of him, threatening to break his brittle hand bones if he continues to scream like a little siss. I could overhear Rush tell him (I was in the kitchen when this happened), he said, "If you continue to act like a soft pussy, bro, we are just going to have to treat you like one!" In spite of our efforts, we fear Mildrew will turn out gay (note the suspicious rainbow looking cloth behind his head in the photo), unless we intervene.
Please ladies, come claim my Mildrew before it's too late, or else we have to disown him or send him to the Landover Correctional Unit for shock therapy. Better yet, bake him an apple pie and let him taste it. If you've been skilled properly in the culinary arts, one taste of your pie should send Mildrew packing, and he won't ever want to come back home to freeload of his hard-working folks again!!
So, that's it for the Moans market for now. I shall catalogue my youngest sons; Scooter, Bud, Carson, Boomhauer and Donald when they come of age, or before they get drafted.
I come with a very pressing request to find suitable young ladies to court my eldest sons so they can have wives to wed, bed and further Christ's Army with the pitter patter of infant feet!
Whether they like it or not, they cannot stay single and grow up to become 40 year old untouched, unwed weaklings. I won't allow it. So ladies, pay attention, here's a preview of viable Christian could-be husbands that can soon be yours!
This is Rush Moans. He is 18 and attends a reputable Christian military college. He is a quarterback in their football league (and pumped for their annual Jesusbowl!) and he is most adept of weeding out the fags lurking among his peers, so he can beat the stuffing out of them!
We took this photo of him last summer on a hunting trip. Ladies, take note, he is a budding marksman and won't tolerate sloppiness when you clean his rifles! He won't want your oily prints all over the shaft!
This is Rush with his brother, Crusher (age 17, he's a big boy!), who also attends the same college.
Crusher also enjoys crushing fags, a habit we noticed in his tender twos when he caused one of the other boys at his Sunday school to be taken to ER with a fractured skull. Crusher had him pinned under an ass from the Nativity diorama during that Christmas. The lucky woman who takes Crusher as her man may be in for a few surprises,
Now here's Lloyd who is sixteen. I showed this photo to one of our fellow members who was tempted to take all my boys on a camping trip, and I mentioned that this photo, Lloyd was complaining about some pains in his side. We had Dr. Toole examine him for demons and performed a miracle operation. I can assure you gals, little Lloyd is now demon free and at your service!
Now, personality-wise, Lloyd is more social than some of my other boys. He expresses his spirituality in a very oral manner, and takes the pulpit during youth gatherings to spread the Word of God to the younger ones. I know he will be a terrific father. He's charismatic, conservative, brave, and has a gentle manliness about him to round him out. You couldn't find a more lovelier man!
Now I come to a special case; this is Mildrew.
He is 13, going on 14 and I am particularly anxious to find him the right woman, as normally he doesn't seem too interested in girls. I can't even get a decent photo of him because he spends all his time in his room, and gets especially salty with me when I try to come in. Mr. Moans has taken Mildrew out back once, stripped him butt naked, and beat his rear end, whipping his belt with his left-hand, and reading Scripture in his right. Rush and Crusher even spent the better part of an afternoon, sitting on top of him, threatening to break his brittle hand bones if he continues to scream like a little siss. I could overhear Rush tell him (I was in the kitchen when this happened), he said, "If you continue to act like a soft pussy, bro, we are just going to have to treat you like one!" In spite of our efforts, we fear Mildrew will turn out gay (note the suspicious rainbow looking cloth behind his head in the photo), unless we intervene.
Please ladies, come claim my Mildrew before it's too late, or else we have to disown him or send him to the Landover Correctional Unit for shock therapy. Better yet, bake him an apple pie and let him taste it. If you've been skilled properly in the culinary arts, one taste of your pie should send Mildrew packing, and he won't ever want to come back home to freeload of his hard-working folks again!!
So, that's it for the Moans market for now.
I shall catalogue my youngest sons; Scooter, Bud, Carson, Boomhauer and Donald when they come of age, or before they get drafted.
Are your sons invisible?
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