Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

[Uncle Rutherford]

I decided to drive my other car, a 2006 Ford Taurus this morning to church. On my drive home, the speedometer dropped to zero and I saw my RPMs dropping rapidly. I immediately pulled over and stopped. Upon turning the key over again to see if my car would start again, I noticed the starter wasn’t cranking at all. No click no nothing. Got towed home and checked my relays as well as using my test light for all my high current fuses. All good there. Checked my fuses under the steering column and all good. I turned my car to the On position again and remember seeing the same error “low oil pressure”. For chance, I decided to clear it and run the car’s system check. My odometer went from numbers to all dashes and the car’s system check failed to check most everything except the car door being ajar. My OBD-2 scanner can’t establish connection to the PCM either.

I stepped out and prayed hard and long knowing that if anyone can help fix my car, it’s God. He’s the best mechanic around. In the off chance you want to save God the trouble of taking time out of his day to fix my car and want to free up his time, would any of you smart Christian folk be able to give me advice on what I should do next? I suspect it’s a PCM issue and can get a new PCM on the cheap with new keys, but what should I check beforehand?

[Basilissa]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Dear, based on my personal experience with cars, each time the engine stops unexpectedly it means I forgot to fill it up with gas.

[Alvin Moss]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

God does not want His people having to deal with automobile repair issues. That is why there is a plentiful supply of new cars. My advice is to trade in your car for a new one. Take care of it and it will maintain it's value. Keep it clean and don't get Jheri Curl oil on the seats because it will damage the resale value.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Ohh if only that were a viable option Alvin. That would mean less tithe for Jesus. If I had to weigh between a new car or Making Jesus smile, surely my tithes would come first. I sadly can not afford one without the other and have to choose the cheaper route for transportation which would be getting my car fixed. I am quite handy with tools myself and have done a lot of diagnosing which I could list so far if needed. More technical speak which would include finding an already programmed PCM which would work on my car (just have to give them the VIN) online with a compatible set of keys which I see for 140 on a reputable website. But I would only do so in the hopes that that’s the issue indeed.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Guaranteed it's the fuel line. Have you check the fuel line? If you haven't then you should have. Don't come back here complaining about not affording tithes until you've undone the fuel line, checked every inch of it, run a subsonic clean and replaced all the hose winches. I would have done that first.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

...replaced all the hose winches...

Half dozen spares in my glove box at all times, as well as an extra turboencabulator.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Guaranteed it's the fuel line. Have you check the fuel line? If you haven't then you should have. Don't come back here complaining about not affording tithes until you've undone the fuel line, checked every inch of it, run a subsonic clean and replaced all the hose winches. I would have done that first.

I wish it was that simple Mr Toole. That would be fantastic if it was just a fuel line/fuel pump issue. I checked the relays and found no power going to the fuel pump relay and the fuel pump fuse is still intact. Same story goes for the starter relay and the starter fuse as well as the PCM relay and PCM fuse. I really suspect that Bill Gates did something to my PCM or the PCM wiring harness but I wouldn’t know how to check for that.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Are there any of those 5G towers near you, Uncle Rutherford? If so, you might try towing the car into an area where they've all been burned down and then see if it will start.

[Isabella White]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Oh, dear Mr. Rutherford: Now, I will admit, readily and unashamedly, that I am not terribly familiar with the goings-on of what makes mechanical objects operate properly, but I'm always happy to lend some helpful advice -- whenever I can.

I'm just wondering if your automotive problem is because of a clog in the fuel line that feeds the speedometer and odometer? I do hope that this will assist you in fixing your automobile.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Oh, dear Mr. Rutherford: Now, I will admit, readily and unashamedly, that I am not terribly familiar with the goings-on of what makes mechanical objects operate properly, but I'm always happy to lend some helpful advice -- whenever I can.

I'm just wondering if your automotive problem is because of a clog in the fuel line that feeds the speedometer and odometer? I do hope that this will assist you in fixing your automobile.

I would honestly be surprised if that would actually also cause me to not be able to communicate with my OBD-2 scanner at all and for the errors I get from the car’s own system check such as “charging system read error”, “low oil pressure”, and “fuel cap fail to check” as well as making my odometer read dashes “——————“ instead of the total distance driven in the car. I will check the fuel lines though later today just in case. It’s as though no power is being sent at all to the starter relay as well. My radio also won’t tune into any station. A curious case indeed if a clogged fuel line would cause all of that. My starter’s fuse as well as the starter relay were both replaced just in case even though the fuse wasn’t blown but no change.

[Basilissa]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

I would honestly be surprised if that would actually also cause me to not be able to communicate with my OBD-2 scanner at all and for the errors I get from the car’s own system check such as “charging system read error”, “low oil pressure”, and “fuel cap fail to check” as well as making my odometer read dashes “——————“ instead of the total distance driven in the car. I will check the fuel lines though later today just in case. It’s as though no power is being sent at all to the starter relay as well. My radio also won’t tune into any station. A curious case indeed if a clogged fuel line would cause all of that. My starter’s fuse as well as the starter relay were both replaced just in case even though the fuse wasn’t blown but no change.

Wow, you seem to know a lot about cars! Isn't the "--------" on the odometer a good thing, though? I don't think a 2006 Ford Taurus would go for a lot, but you could easily argue that the dashes stand for zero, you know, and that would certainly increase the resell value - maybe even you could sell it for the same price it'll cost you to tow it away.

And then you'll have space in your garage for an actual car. Just remember to steer away from these Toyota Prius abominations, they just don't break down like the American cars do, and that boring reliability takes all the fun out of long trips. And the Prius Prime ones are even worse, people who drive them forget where the gas stations are. So I'm told by anonymous sources, that is.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

A man will tell you, if it can be fixed, it ain’t worth throwing away! I respect your True Christian™️ through and through but I will be darned if I am to take a woman’s advice on just replacing it. 1 Kings 18:30. And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of the LORD that was broken down. Elijah didn’t cop out and just throw the altar of the LORD away and replace it. He fixed it like a man is supposed to!!!!

[Basilissa]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

A man will tell you, if it can be fixed, it ain’t worth throwing away! I respect your True Christian™️ through and through but I will be darned if I am to take a woman’s advice on just replacing it. 1 Kings 18:30. And Elijah said unto all the people, Come near unto me. And all the people came near unto him. And he repaired the altar of the LORD that was broken down. Elijah didn’t cop out and just throw the altar of the LORD away and replace it. He fixed it like a man is supposed to!!!!

Well, as Brother Alvin aptly put it, that's why God created, and I quote, "a plentiful supply of new cars." Very different from Elijah who could not go to a nearby altar dealership and choose from a plethora of models, colors, and safety features.

God does not want His people having to deal with automobile repair issues. That is why there is a plentiful supply of new cars. My advice is to trade in your car for a new one. Take care of it and it will maintain it's value. Keep it clean and don't get Jheri Curl oil on the seats because it will damage the resale value.

Amen! This is how we make God happy and keep American economy going!!

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

I am astonished that Mr Rutherford is arguing with Sister Basilissa AND with Brother Alvin who is, naturally, correct. My husband's policy is always to replace rather than repair - the knowledge of this certainly keeps me on my toes, I can tell you!

But perhaps Mr Rutherford is too poor to replace a malfunctioning automobile? At this point, I'd like to share what one of my 5-but-nearly-6-year-olds said. It was either Zeke or Dan, they're hard to tell apart, but as it was sensible and included copious scriptural references it was almost certainly Zeke.


He said that if something with a lot of parts goes wrong, and if you are too dumb to work out which part is the problem, you should get someone who does know to take a look at it. Because if you randomly take stuff apart and put it back together again, chances are that you'll put some of it back together incorrectly. So then, even if you DO find the fault, when you fix that fault the machine still won't work because of your previous mistakes.

I think this is a lesson that we can all apply in all areas of our lives, but mainly in our close personal relationship with Jesus.

[Uncle Rutherford]

Re: Any of you smart White Christian folk able to help me with a car issue?

Oh Joanna that is wise indeed. Sadly mechanics in my area are so far booked out that waiting is not the best viable option. And indeed, with my commitments to Jesus in helping my church stay well funded, I don’t have enough money for a down payment on a new car just yet. I have found that I am very close after checking everything out and determined it to be an issue with an erratic occasional loss of power. I took out my voltmeter and with a little fiddling with the fuses, it was determined that the last person to work on my car did some damage to the insulation of my wiring which also happened to cause a loss of power to my PCM. Gonna go to my local hardware store tomorrow and see if I can wrap things up.