Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

[Johny Joe Hold]

I've been trying to figure out why more people keep getting the Corona Virus. It doesn't seem to be because they are unhealthy or live in unsanitary conditions. After one has eliminated all the other possible causes we're back to sin.

So, the question then is which sin in God punishing us for? We know he hates homerism. But there are so few of them it doesn't seem like he would do a broad brush punishment. And, some homers are not getting sick.

This thing is world wide. The sin God is punishing the entire human race for has to be one broadly practiced. There is only one such sin, masturbation. God is literally killing people for committing this terrible sin.

When people learn their lesson, God will call off the disease. Let's all do our part to stop the Corona Virus.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

I knew those nursing homes were full of old perverts. Too late for them now.

[WWJDnow]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

The CDC has steadfastly refused to report on COVID deaths broken down along masturbator vs. non-masturbator lines. That's why we should support President Trump as he takes away their reporting responsibilities.

[Phil Ander]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

There is a strong correlation with covid numbers and online vibrator sales. Some would say that this is because of lonely women and isolation, but Mayor Johny has put his finger on it. Sin. Increased vibrator sales are the CAUSE of higher covid numbers and not the consequence. We know that sales reports (ie vibrators) always lag disease reports (ie covid). This is because of different reporting timeframes. If the reports were in realtime, it would be obvious that increased sales of vibrators PRECEEDED the increase in covid numbers.

Before matters get out of hand it is imperative that the authorities clamp down on vibrators and sales of other mastabatory aids.

Phil

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

Let us not forget about the evil that is masturbation within marriage. Any couple, Christian or otherwise, having sex in a position that is not missionary and for the sole purpose of procreation is causing the Corona. That means doggie style, spooning, standing, bent over sink or furniture, weak in the knee, cowgirl, oral, and all those demonic positions are masturbation, using the spouse's genitals as a masturbatory tool of Satan.

Only the missionary position with the man on top, dominating the wife is acceptable to Christ. The wife must never be on top because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, and you wouldn't expect Christ to submit to the church. These illicit positions are demonic and unleash evil, and now we know in what form - covid viruses.

DON'T SAY YOU'RE MARRIED AND CAN DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE! THOSE WHO PRACTICE THE WRONG SEX POSITIONS WILL END UP IN HELL!

[handmaiden]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

There are maps that show the concentration of 5 G broadcast technology and the immediate response of concentrated Covid cases in the same area.

I am sure that sex toy sales follow the same geographic pattern. So many evil things are concentrated in certain areas of the country so God sends His Wrath straight to those regions.


God's Favor is on those regions where His Name is held up and worshiped rightly. Look at any map of the US and you will see lower disease rates, divorce rates, abortion rates, pride parade rates etc in those areas where the Bible is regarded as the standard for living.


Some people claim that poverty rates are higher in those regions of the country, but that is because those folks give more to their churches and reap benefits that cannot be measured by economists. (Like the comfort that one is going to Heaven.)

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

Let us not forget about the evil that is masturbation within marriage. Any couple, Christian or otherwise, having sex in a position that is not missionary and for the sole purpose of procreation is causing the Corona.

DON'T SAY YOU'RE MARRIED AND CAN DO ANYTHING WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE! THOSE WHO PRACTICE THE WRONG SEX POSITIONS WILL END UP IN HELL!

Preach it, Sister Mary. The virus is exposing all kinds of sexual sins. It's wonderful justice is being served. This virus will not be over until sexual sin is over.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

That means doggie style, spooning, standing, bent over sink or furniture, weak in the knee, cowgirl, oral, and all those demonic positions are masturbation, using the spouse's genitals as a masturbatory tool of Satan.

Oh my goodness, Sister Mary! I had never even heard of any of those possibilities and I am certainly not going to Google them, for fear of being traumatized. Standing and bent-over-furniture are pretty self-explanatory, I suppose, but why make the act of procreation even more inelegant?

[WWJDnow]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

The Department of Homeland Security needs to install monitors in American bedrooms to ensure that only Biblically correct sex is practiced, starting with the hard-hit African American and Latino populations.

This may be the only way we can protect American lives and American freedoms.

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

but why make the act of procreation even more inelegant?

I blame Charles Darwin, and so obviously Jesus does too. This was his (Darwin, not Jesus) master plan with that evolution story he created - to reduce mankind to the lower animals and silence his tremendous shame.

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

I blame Charles Darwin, and so obviously Jesus does too. This was his (Darwin, not Jesus) master plan with that evolution story he created - to reduce mankind to the lower animals and silence his tremendous shame.

Monkeys masturbate all the time, frequently in broad daylight and in full view of other monkeys. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that Darwin saw this on his voyages and came up with an elaborate scheme to make the public not only accept but embrace his own perverted urges to expose himself in public and masturbate.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

I hate to be the one bringing this up, but I'm thinking these Catholic convents are places which have angered God. Recently, 13 nuns died quickly from the virus. Convents have no men so, of course, we all wonder if there might be some special sin there. We have evidence of God's anger at something--dare we ask what?

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/coronavirus-convent-detroit-michigan-13-nuns-die-covid-19/

[Dennis Lukes]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

I hate to be the one bringing this up, but I'm thinking these Catholic convents are places which have angered God. Recently, 13 nuns died quickly from the virus. Convents have no men so, of course, we all wonder if there might be some special sin there. We have evidence of God's anger at something--dare we ask what?

In their mad lust to blame President Trump for causing the pandemic, the liberals have deflected attention from the fact that it devastated Italy before diseased foreign hordes brought it to America's golden shores. Thousands of Papists and mafiosos bit the dust. We know all about priests and their sexual habits, and even a cursory Google search for "naughty nuns" reveals how filthy these women who claim to be married to Christ (as if he were some kind of polygamist Mormon patriarch) truly are.


I need to do some more research on the naughty nuns to get to the bottom of this quandary.

[shortstack9797]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

Only the missionary position with the man on top, dominating the wife is acceptable to Christ. The wife must never be on top because the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, and you wouldn't expect Christ to submit to the church. These illicit positions are demonic and unleash evil, and now we know in what form - covid viruses.

Full disclosure: This might come off as complete, but I think I have more answers than questions.

Thanks for the illuminating response, but I think there are some linguistic problems with your answer that are, albeit diminutive, rather important. Quite, yes, of course. First and first mostly, the phrase 'head.' Well, shucks, it don't take Peter to realize the connotation of the phrase. <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>> . I don't mean to be so crude, but I'm struggling to find a better way to express it. If the wife is the 'head,' so to speak, does this mean that <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>> is acceptable? Just the thought makes me angry. I'm not sure there's an act so revolting in all of nature (minus <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>>). I mean, just the thought of a dame with blond locks and dimples and scarlet lipstick and aquiline nose and bullet <<<unnecessary reference to female anatomy removed by a friendly moderator>>> that call for me, oh boy do they call for me those sweet melons, those yabos of yonder, swing low sweet chariots swing low as the-what is she doing, is that, uh, wait, DON'T! I said DON'T. Oh Jesus, I'm a bad person. A sinner of yore. I'd probably enjoy living in Sodom. That's how bad I am. How do I get rid of these bad thoughts? I know 'head', i.e. <<<reference to a sexual perversion removed by a friendly moderator>>>, is not good, but I don't know what to do about it. Also, I apologize if this was confusing. I'm in a bad way

[Basilissa]

Re: Masturbation is Causing the Corona Virus

If the wife is the 'head,'

She is not.


I hope that was helpful.