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  • #1

    Titanium Parking Spot Available

    My titanium tither parking spot is available as I will be reducing my tithe until Crouch Blvd. is repaired and my satellite dish is once again operational. My reserved seat has already been donated to one of the poor in exchange for a seat on the bleachers, which is where you'll find me when I next attend services.

    This spot is located very close to the Elevator of Gold and has a view of the Fountain of Grace and Mercy, with its exquisite gardens. Of course, this entire area is heated, so no worries about snow or ice during our bitter winter season. There is an optional carport included which I have never personally used. (Sister Etheldreda - you'll need to move your Moped when this sells)

    I am seeking $10.00 so that even the most unfortunate can afford it. I will donate that ten dollars to a charity of my choice.

    Praise God forever and in all ways,
    NRL
    1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
    Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
    Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
    Locations in 50 States and Canada
    !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
    Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
    Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Titanium Parking Spot Available

    Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
    My titanium tither parking spot is available as I will be reducing my tithe until Crouch Blvd. is repaired and my satellite dish is once again operational. My reserved seat has already been donated to one of the poor in exchange for a seat on the bleachers, which is where you'll find me when I next attend services.

    This spot is located very close to the Elevator of Gold and has a view of the Fountain of Grace and Mercy, with its exquisite gardens. Of course, this entire area is heated, so no worries about snow or ice during our bitter winter season. There is an optional carport included which I have never personally used. (Sister Etheldreda - you'll need to move your Moped when this sells)

    I am seeking $10.00 so that even the most unfortunate can afford it. I will donate that ten dollars to a charity of my choice.

    Praise God forever and in all ways,
    NRL
    My most beloved Sister in God, this is so thoughtful of you! I wonder what Jesus will say, however, about you "selling" something that does not belong to you - your permit to park in that spot has expired immediately after you reduced your tithing.

    Since you aren't a Titanium Tither anymore, and thus you have no right to park in the Titanium Tither parking spot, Jesus advised me to call the towing company. That old clunker of yours is being towed away as we speak. I'm not sure if you will be able to recover it, I think they're taking it directly to the dump.

    You are in my prayers, beloved Sister. Now and always.
    God created fossils to test our faith.

    * * *

    My favorite LBC sermons:
    True Christians are Perfect!
    True Christian™ Love.
    Salvation™ made Easy!
    You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
    Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
    Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
     Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
    Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
    The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
    Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
    God HATES Rational Thinking!
    True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Titanium Parking Spot Available

      Originally posted by Basilissa View Post
      My most beloved Sister in God, this is so thoughtful of you! I wonder what Jesus will say, however, about you "selling" something that does not belong to you - your permit to park in that spot has expired immediately after you reduced your tithing.

      Since you aren't a Titanium Tither anymore, and thus you have no right to park in the Titanium Tither parking spot, Jesus advised me to call the towing company. That old clunker of yours is being towed away as we speak. I'm not sure if you will be able to recover it, I think they're taking it directly to the dump.

      You are in my prayers, beloved Sister. Now and always.
      My Darling and Treasured Sister in our Savior:

      How my heart beats with joy just to hear your name. But, my sweetest one, I DO have a certificate of ownership for that parking spot. Signed by Ezekiel himself - it give me the right to transfer it to ANYONE I wish. Sister Cookie took the money and got me the certificate the following Sunday. As for any clunker being in my spot, I'm afraid you're wrong. My vehicles are all in my luxuriously appointed parking nook behind my luxuriously appointed Apostle's Park Court estate, guarded by True Christian(TM) security staff.

      Sister Etheldreda was using my space for her moped and she may have parked her "work" car there but I wouldn't call it a clunker.

      How lovely to correspond with you as always, my most beloved and exceptionally special sister in the family of God. May He bestow exactly the blessings you deserve at this moment.

      In Congenial Christian Love,
      NRL
      1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
      Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
      Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
      Locations in 50 States and Canada
      !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
      Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
      Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Titanium Parking Spot Available

        Originally posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
        I DO have a certificate of ownership for that parking spot. Signed by Ezekiel himself - it give me the right to transfer it to ANYONE I wish. Sister Cookie took the money and got me the certificate the following Sunday
        So you say. Can you produce that certificate? And why has Sister Cookie gone missing? I wonder if these events are related.
        sigpic

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Titanium Parking Spot Available

          You can't sell what belongs to Jesus.

          Better watch your step, miss.
          Who Will Jesus Damn?

          Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

          Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

          Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Titanium Parking Spot Available

            If I was given misinformation from a True Christian(TM), Sister Cookie, then I will need to rethink my plan to sell the space to the less fortunate. However, how is that possible?
            1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
            Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
            Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
            Locations in 50 States and Canada
            !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
            Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
            Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Titanium Parking Spot Available

              Titanium parking is no longer available. I have resumed parking there.
              1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
              Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
              Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
              Locations in 50 States and Canada
              !Voted Best Pie in Freehold!
              Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
              Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.

              Comment

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