[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I pray this isn't intrusion, Brothers and Sisters. It appears I've made your acquaintances during a tribulatory period for your Church and community.

I haven't yet enjoyed the opportunity to converse with Pastor Zeke on your forum, but I look forward to the day that I may, Amen.

I pledge to you every aid available from HappyRock Baptist Church. In the off-chance he makes his way North, both myself and my congregation members will be ever-vigilant on the lookout for him.

I pray for his speedy and safe return.

PS: That picture does look a bit like Detroit.

And the same day, when the even was come, he saith unto them, Let us pass over unto the other side.
And when they had sent away the multitude, they took him even as he was in the ship. And there were also with him other little ships.
And there arose a great storm of wind, and the waves beat into the ship, so that it was now full.
And he was in the hinder part of the ship, asleep on a pillow: and they awake him, and say unto him, Master, carest thou not that we perish?
And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? how is it that ye have no faith?
And they feared exceedingly, and said one to another, What manner of man is this, that even the wind and the sea obey him?

Mark 4:35-41

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I'm sure of it. The arm of a dashing young man wearing a blue suit is Pastor Zeke. He is on the far right of the photo. He was trying to slip away from being photographed in Laredo, Mexico this week:

[Faith_Machine]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

Pastor Zeke's email prophecies continue to inspire me. I keep reading and re-reading them, over and over, and with each reading, new truths are revealed to me.

[Didymus Much]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I thought this was our guy at first, on the right:



But I found a higher-res version:



And I know, Zeke wouldn't wear that poor-fitting jacket.

The search continues.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

Fortunately, because, to be frank, I was worried, I have now received another email from Zeke, so I can release the last one.

Zeke seems to be in far better spirits and efficiently carrying out the Lord’s Work like a professional.


From Pastor Ezekiel:
To: Bathfire

The AntiChrist

I DID NOT GO EAST… OH NO… I WENT WEST - IT WAS A TRAP. All is darkness, and in that darkness the oppression of the spirit troubled me. I looked to the world and my task and it is pointless – all is pointless. This is the Way of the World. Like Jonah, God’s Prophet, I know I am unworthy. Yes, Jonah became great but I can see no greatness in me. ECCLESIASTES AND JEREMIAH nourish my soul but have far too much levity. We are lost… lost… The people do not listen to the words of God, they have forsaken the Lord and now the foretold abominations will come to pass. And I thought “Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity. What profit hath a man of all his labour which he taketh under the sun?”

And in that evening the heavens are afire with blood, and a voice came to me and spoke to me, and I turned and I saw, THERE IN WALMART, a figure clothed in White samite shot through with gold and bound around with a golden cord and in His right hand were seven BUGLES One of Gold and six of Silver and the seven bugles sounded and in His right hand there were electric toothbrushes in manly colors that looked like oranges. And I cried out to the Lord!

And in His left hand were thousands upon thousands of drops of sprinkles that glistened grayly like some darkened stars that many demons gazed upon and recorded.

And the seven Bugles were the seven TRUMPS: DONALD JNR, IVANKA, ERIC, MARLA, MELANOMA, IVANA AND DONALD HIMSELF.

And the thousands upon thousands of drops of sprinkles that glistened grayly like some darkened stars, wERE eMAILS sENT bY cLINTON. And they are DARK!!!


And the figure clothed in White samite shot through with gold spoke and said “I am the CHRIST. I am He by Whom you mission is ordained. Astaroth the Demon controls Fox News, he must be destroyed! Baal lives in Pennsylvania Avenue, he must be deposed before Asmodai can fall and Samael be defeated. And in my right hand appeared a hose pipe that turned into the great serpent. And figure clothed in White samite shot through with gold and bound around with a golden cord became A SECURITY GUARD and I was in the parking lot. I am alone. My faith the only defense – the tire iron was taken by Jesus.

I see them now darkness has fallen. Sapped of strength we must go towards or Not! One flees but the other is moved and in space. He will not attack. Pray for me. The rays are dying down the signal has become weaker – only we who know know the truth that is not known.

YIC

Pastor E Flint.

PS:
Nobar!
Tell that woman Bassilla to stop playing with dead things – she should have 6 kids by now!

The rest of you:

• Make sure that idiot Naill gets some money out of the Brits, and a lot of it while the pound is low against the Mighty Dollar.
• Is it Faith_Machine or that other one who’s driving a bus? Whoever it is tell him I want a bus Sundays for the Tin Tithers – their old cars are detracting from the beauty of the MegaChurch.
• Who’s Leroy? He looks useful but uses big words – those in the cheap seats will be mystified – might not be a bad thing though: in terms of dollars per seat, they hardly pay their way.
• Get Johnny Joe to put a few of the above on his “to do” list – if he’s got one.

[Basilissa]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

All of this is undoubtedly Inspired by God Himself, but what does it all mean?

Nobar!
Tell that woman Bassilla to stop playing with dead things

I have absolutely no idea what he means by that!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

All of this is undoubtedly Inspired by God Himself, but what does it all mean?

I have absolutely no idea what he means by that!

He said he wanted these things on my to do list. It's already too long.

[Dr. Anthony J. Toole]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I haven't read all of Pastor Zeke's letters yet - I'll leave that to all you "theoreticians" and "experts" - those colors look gay anyway.

My gut and instinct tell me that the Pastor is holed up in Russia or Africa or Venezuala. Just waiting for the moment to strike against the gay uprising in the USA or possibly Europe/Australia. Now is the time to get ready folks - stockpile that ammo and gold you always meant to do. I'd say you have about 1-2 months, 12-48 at most. Longer if they decide to drag it out. Be safe.

[James Hutchins]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I played a round of Golf with the kind and gentle Pastor at Mar-a-Lago Club a few months back (of course he won, hole in one every time).
I've been busy having suffered an uprising of the nigras that work my fields (and I pay them chits, usable in the "Hutchins Store, LLC" and as payment in the "Hutchins Chow Down Hall" and the "Hutchin's Bunkin' Buckaroo Old Tyme Bunkhouse".) They all expect to be driven into town to get photo identification and then again to vote for a WOMAN!!! Not a single one has any identification other than what I hold in the safe. They all respond to the same name name 'Boy'', so how is the polling place to tell them apart? I do not want a scandal for being involved in voting fraud. The last thing I need right now is to be embroiled in a 'three Strikes and you are out' issue.
Anywho, I put a call into Pastor Ezekiel's private cell line and he texted back that he is busy working on something BIG. I am so excited!

Praise the Glory!

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I was gone since April and in August someone finally noticed my absence?

Pastor,


It is appalling that you had to come back to this and I pledge to you my service and devotion. You should look around the forums - where you were so devastatingly missed - to find out what's been happening. Perhaps it will appease your wrath to learn that many vibrant ministries successfully continued in your absence. It should fill your heart with True Christian™ joy to know that tithes went up while other pastors handled the church activities. You should know that many people kept Daisy company from what I hear - in fact, her safety was assured because someone stayed every single night with her. Sometimes more than one person prayed with her and provided fellowship.


You'll never know the level of sadness that pervaded while your Christlike presence was taken from us. We tried to keep it undetectable - so much so that it seemed you weren't gone. Glory!


In service to Christ,
BrotherLarry


PS: The pool parties held on your estate were pretty amazing, I'm told. How generous of you to allow that and how careless of them to drop your 120" tv in the hot tub. I'm sure you laughed and laughed about it. You were told, right? Welcome back, you amazing man of GOD.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I was gone since April and in August someone finally noticed my absence?



And, Mayor, the damage on my properties is such that the usual division of tithes (90%-10%) is going to be >99% for the church and the reparation of the damages until the mansion is in better shape than when I left!

I dispatched people to work on your place as soon as I heard about the damage, Pastor Zeke. I hope you will be patient as we try to work through this.

Knowing how much you dislike songbirds, we had crews at your place taking down nests while you were gone. Because of your dislike of dandelions we had to spray you lawn often with the weed killer, 2-4 D.

All this involved hiring Mexicans because they can tolerate the chemicals and bird dung. They might have been a little too enthusiastic and caused some damage.

So glad to have you back fighting sin here in Iowa.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

Mayor, I'm expecting you at 11pm sharp tonight! Bring along your 12-yo Miss. M. Rotschild and the 15-yo Mr. C. Lafite so we can deflower them and compare the bouquets. I've got some Left Behind blu-rays starring Brother Cameron that we can watch while we sample your cellar and - hopefully - sort this mess out.

Be there.

Certainly, Pastor Zeke. I will bring our friends. We are all looking forward to the fierce war against sin we're certain you are about to launch.

[BrotherLarry]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

Certainly, Pastor Zeke. I will bring our friends. We are all looking forward to the fierce war against sin we're certain you are about to launch.

Say - wouldn't it be great if you had a film crew to document the cleanup and perhaps pastor could give a message about cleaning up our lives from sin? It could be broadcast on the local Freehold channels or I could call the offices of Fox News here in NYC and the entire evening could be national news! Think of the dollars it might bring in. What could possibly go wrong?

[Basilissa]

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke

I have heard rumors from some very reputable sources that our beloved Pastor Zeke might be offered a cabinet job - apparently Donald Trump is considering creating a Department of Religion with Zeke heading it!!

Praise Jesus!!!