X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
  • GOD=life
    WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
    True Christian™
    • Jan 2010
    • 3263
    #1

    Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

    Here is a little story for atheists. I presented in a format that is easy to understand. For the real story, you have to consulted the KJV 1611 Bible of course, but perhaps this can wet your appetite a little.

    The CAST

    Jesus Christ - needs no introduction!
    True Christian™ - saved by Jesus
    False Christian - thinks he is saved by Jesus but isn't
    The Devil - tries to lure people away from Jesus
    Frustrated atheist - doesn't want to believe
    Sad atheist - wants to believe, but can't

    Chapter 1. The frustrated atheist meets Jesus

    -- "hey there, friend, how do you do?"
    "PUH! u suq! jesus dun exist yo!" --
    -- "but friend, don't you want to be saved? Do you not want to go to Heaven?"
    "NO! I want 2 go to hell! god not exist yo!" --
    -- "that really saddens me, because Jesus loves you and wants you to go to Heaven! Please reconsider, I beg of you!"
    "FU MOFO! u is gay yo" --
    Later..........

    -- "eh, waz dis? i is dead yo?"
    "Hello there, friend. Do you believe in God now?" --
    -- "eh, y-y-yes i do.. can i have 2nd chance plzzz?"
    "No, you shall spend an eternity in Hell. Sorry. I do love you though." --
    -- "FFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
    I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

    Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
    Matthew 7:22     Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
    Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

    Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.
    Tags: atheists: vain godless scum
    • GOD=life
      WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
      True Christian™
      • Jan 2010
      • 3263
      #2
      Chapter 2

      Chapter 2. But I can't go to Hell, I'm Christian!!!

      -- "LOL, IM CHRSTIUN! I GO TO HEAVEN"
      "Hey friend, do you follow the entire KJV 1611 Bible?" --
      -- "WHA? ME? NO, ONLI CONVENIENT PARTS! I KNOW BETTER DEN GOD LOL"
      "But God teaches us to follow every word! Please reconsider, friend! I beg of you!" --
      -- "NAH, I KNOW BETTER! U WILL BURN! I FOLLOW ONLI PART OF BILBI"

      Later.......

      -- "YAY, IM DEAD! HI JESUS!!!! OPEN THE HEAVEN GATE 4 ME LOL! NOW!!"
      "Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity." --
      -- "yum, I come to sodomize you, HE HE HE"
      "WTF! NO! LOL!!! BUT IM CHRISTIUNNNNNN" --
      I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

      Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
      Matthew 7:22       Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
      Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

      Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

        Comment

        • GOD=life
          WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
          True Christian™
          • Jan 2010
          • 3263
          #3
          Chapter 3 & the end

          Chapter 3. Confused about what to believe.

          -- "Man, I want to believe, but every Christian keeps telling me something else. I'm confused".
          "Hey friend, what are you confused about? The KJV 1611 Bible is pretty clear, you know." --
          -- "Well, wen Christians talk, it's so irrational and conflicting. They cite Leviticus when it comes to justifying their agenda, but don't follow the rest. It's hypocrisy"
          "What if I told you they are false Christians and the Bible is inherently logical? You should just not have to inject your own opinion or interpretation." --
          -- "Really? Is it really so simple? It's all starting to make sense to me now. God looks like a very intelligent fellow when you look at it from a True Christian™ perspective!"
          "Yes, friend. You too can become True Christian™. Please, make that choice!" --
          -- "YES! I accept Jesus as my Savior and surrender to God and accept the KJV 1611 Bible as the only accurate Word of God!"

          Later...

          -- "Oh no, I'm dead! Now I must go to Hell, because I wasn't always Christian!          "
          "No friend, you have made the right choices. Remember that True Christian™ you met many years ago? He is dead too. You will get to talk to him a lot where you two are going!" --
          -- "COOL! I'm SO GLAD THAT I BECAME A TRUE CHRISTIAN™!"

          IN HEAVEN
          -- "we're SO happy now!"

          IN HELL
          -- "sodomy = yum" -- "FFFFUUUU" -- "but I thought I was a Christian.. sniff"

          THE END - make the choice!

          TRUE CHRISTIANITY™!
          I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

          Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
          Matthew 7:22           Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
          Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

          Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

            Comment

            • Cranky Old Man
              Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
              You kids get off his lawn!
               
              • Jan 2010
              • 22355
              #4
              Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

              Very impressive Brother! Praise the LORD!

              I hope this will save a lot of souls.
              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                Comment

                • Gabriel Reproba
                  Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team
                  The Most Honest Lawyer in America
                  True Christian™
                  • Nov 2009
                  • 2479
                  #5
                  Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                  I really appreciate how you wrote it in such a manner as to reach the average atheist brain. They never seem to advance beyond the early teen years and get stuck in rebellious behavior with no logic behind it!

                  Well done!!
                  Yours In Christ,

                  Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

                  Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

                  Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
                  Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
                  The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
                  Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
                  How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
                  20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
                  God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
                  Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
                  Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
                  Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
                  There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
                  Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

                  Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

                    Comment

                    • Bobby-Joe
                      Landover Security Superviser
                      Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
                      NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 18405
                      #6
                      Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                      Excellent posts God=Life. I am sure right now in a workshop in Heaven an Angel is making a gold crown with your name on it!

                      Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

                      Hot Must ReadThreads!


                      Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

                        Comment

                        • Talitha
                          Deaconess
                          Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                          True Christian™
                          • Nov 2025
                          • 15118
                          #7
                          Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                          That's wonderful

                          Mind you, I usually think of when I see Atheists mentioned.

                          Sister Talitha

                          Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                          HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                          being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                            Comment

                            • Pastor Isaac Peters
                              Senior Pastor
                              Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
                              Always Biblically correct
                              True Christian™
                              • Sep 2006
                              • 10639
                              #8
                              Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                              That's a wonderful story, and I pray that it will reach some athests and bring them into the light of True Christianity™. Alas, however, most atheists whom I've met are so firmly attached to their faith in the nonexistence of God that they willfully overlook the abundant evidence for such things as the young Earth, the Great Flood, the Exodus, and the resurrection of Our Lord (exactly as described in all four of the Holy Gospels).
                              This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

                              Questions to ask liberal "Christians" ✞ Things that the Bible doesn't say ✞ Tolerance

                              sigpic

                                Comment

                                • Daisy Mae Johnson
                                  The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                                  Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                                  aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                                  True Christian™
                                  • Sep 2006
                                  • 15708
                                  #9
                                  Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                                  sigpic

                                  Tweet me Here
                                  My GODLY Bio Here

                                    Comment

                                    • Wide-Open
                                      Director of European Evangelical Outreach
                                      A Shining Example of Christ's Love
                                      Quite possibly the only decent, heterosexual human being in the whole of Europe
                                      True Christian™
                                      • Nov 2007
                                      • 18449
                                      #10
                                      Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                                      Excellent work Brother! Sometimes a few pictures say more than a thousand words! (except for the KJV, that is, obviously)

                                      Eat this, atheists!
                                      Psalm 81:10:
                                      I am the LORD thy God, which brought thee out of the land of Egypt:
                                      open thy mouth wide, and I will fill it.

                                        Comment

                                        • James Hutchins
                                          True Christian™
                                          Just a Regular Nice Guy
                                           
                                          • Jun 2009
                                          • 29446
                                          #11
                                          Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                                          I thought it was great though my two year old wanted to know why it was (in his exact words) "Dumbed down for little kids younger than me?". He is so precious.
                                          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                                          Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                                          Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                                          Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                                          Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                                          Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                                            Comment

                                            • Cranky Old Man
                                              Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
                                              You kids get off his lawn!
                                               
                                              • Jan 2010
                                              • 22355
                                              #12
                                              Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                                              Originally posted by James Hutchins View Post
                                              I thought it was great though my two year old wanted to know why it was (in his exact words) "Dumbed down for little kids younger than me?". He is so precious.
                                              Yeah, it is hard to imagine those 20 year old atheists are dumber than a 2 year old True Christian. But it is the sad truth. Let's hope GOD=life made it simple enough for them. It might still have to many letters.
                                              5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
                                              To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
                                              James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

                                                Comment

                                                • Bob4God
                                                  Moderator
                                                  Arms Dealer for CHRIST
                                                  Hands folded for Jesus
                                                   
                                                  • Apr 2008
                                                  • 5274
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                                                  This is fantastic work brother! I could see you picking up Brother Jack Chick's work when he eventually retires!

                                                  I have added this to GOD's Greatest Hits!
                                                  sigpic
                                                  The eyes of the LORD are in every place, beholding the evil and the good.
                                                  - Proverbs 15:3

                                                  CHILDREN'S STORY: TIMMY ON TRIAL


                                                  CHRISTIAN ADVICE AND MESSAGES OF HOPE! GOD'S GREATEST HITS!


                                                    Comment

                                                    • Noah Dint
                                                      True Christian™
                                                      • Dec 2009
                                                      • 695
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                                                      Outstanding work!

                                                      I believe the cartoon nature of your lessons may actually be within the boundaries of what an atheist (a very high thinking atheist) can grasp.

                                                      Glory! What good work you do for our Lord. Praise!

                                                      -ND

                                                        Comment

                                                        • GOD=life
                                                          WARNING: Do not attempt to debate. You will lose horribly.
                                                          True Christian™
                                                          • Jan 2010
                                                          • 3263
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: Attention atheists: easy to understand story!

                                                          There's a new edition in the "attention" series:

                                                          Attention homosexuals: easy story, not-so-easy lesson! - The Landover Baptist Church Forum
                                                          http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=35892
                                                          Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)


                                                          This one is for homosexuals. It's also interesting if one of your friends is homosexual.
                                                          I take my orders from Jesus H. Christ, supernatural born US citizen

                                                          Be wary of false Kumbaya Christians who use a highlighter and scissors to read the Bible. God wants us to read the lines, not between the lines. False Christians will go to Hell:
                                                          Matthew 7:22                                                           Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
                                                          Matthew 7:23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.

                                                          Asking a Christian to prove God exists is like asking him to prove his phone rings because yours doesn't. Make that call yourself! Dial 0800-get-on-your-knees-and-pray.

                                                            Comment

                                                            Previous 1 2 template Next
                                                            Working...