Tweet
Sewing Up My Wife's Vagina
Brothers in Christ,
As some of you know by now, Rebekah and I have been trying unsuccessfully over the last two years to have another son. We even turned to secular doctors at one point, since my wife claimed that's what the Holy Spirit had told her that's what we needed to do. More recently, the Holy Spirit spoke to me while I was deep in prayer, telling my that my wife's ovaries have pretty much dried up like raisins. So it looks like God has decided that five sons is enough. Rebekah and I thought differently for a while, but when we can't understand His ways, we may yet rejoice in His promises.
Since we will no longer be bringing new Soldiers for Christ into the world, we clearly no longer have any use for genitalia. At best, it just gets in the way. But far too often, they lead people into temptation. Salvation is serious business, and neither of us are willing to jeopardize our place praising and grovelling at the feet of the LORD for all eternity, singing Him praise songs and hosanas.
Matthew 18:7-9
Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
In my case, it's fairly straightforward and should satisfy all the requirements of Matthew 19:12. Dr. Jones has agreed to perform the procedure, and I should be back up and moving around in time for worship services the following Sunday, assuming the stitches hold up.
However, it sounds like there are more risks involved with sewing my wife's vagina up once and for all. Dr. Jones thinks that it would go rancid and declined to perform the procedure. While it is certainly a risk, I'm more than willing to pay for antibiotics whenever she has a flair-up, and besides, can you really let something trivial like septic shock stand in the way of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to increase unto Holiness and prove to the LORD how much we are willing to go through to please Him?
Should we maybe just scoop the whole apparatus out instead of just sealing it off? Would she still be able to walk? Is there some kind of medical-grade cement we could use instead? What about putting some kind of torch on a tube with a little camera up there and just cauterizing the whole thing from the inside out? Would it be safe to sew her vagina shut then?
Hopefully when we figure this all out, I can write a journal article about it so that the practice can become more widespread among Christian women who are no longer able to have children and, therefore, have no need for their vaginas.
As some of you know by now, Rebekah and I have been trying unsuccessfully over the last two years to have another son. We even turned to secular doctors at one point, since my wife claimed that's what the Holy Spirit had told her that's what we needed to do. More recently, the Holy Spirit spoke to me while I was deep in prayer, telling my that my wife's ovaries have pretty much dried up like raisins. So it looks like God has decided that five sons is enough. Rebekah and I thought differently for a while, but when we can't understand His ways, we may yet rejoice in His promises.
Since we will no longer be bringing new Soldiers for Christ into the world, we clearly no longer have any use for genitalia. At best, it just gets in the way. But far too often, they lead people into temptation. Salvation is serious business, and neither of us are willing to jeopardize our place praising and grovelling at the feet of the LORD for all eternity, singing Him praise songs and hosanas.
Matthew 18:7-9
Woe unto the world because of offences! for it must needs be that offences come; but woe to that man by whom the offence cometh!
Wherefore if thy hand or thy foot offend thee, cut them off, and cast them from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life halt or maimed, rather than having two hands or two feet to be cast into everlasting fire.
And if thine eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: it is better for thee to enter into life with one eye, rather than having two eyes to be cast into hell fire.
In my case, it's fairly straightforward and should satisfy all the requirements of Matthew 19:12. Dr. Jones has agreed to perform the procedure, and I should be back up and moving around in time for worship services the following Sunday, assuming the stitches hold up.
However, it sounds like there are more risks involved with sewing my wife's vagina up once and for all. Dr. Jones thinks that it would go rancid and declined to perform the procedure. While it is certainly a risk, I'm more than willing to pay for antibiotics whenever she has a flair-up, and besides, can you really let something trivial like septic shock stand in the way of a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to increase unto Holiness and prove to the LORD how much we are willing to go through to please Him?
Should we maybe just scoop the whole apparatus out instead of just sealing it off? Would she still be able to walk? Is there some kind of medical-grade cement we could use instead? What about putting some kind of torch on a tube with a little camera up there and just cauterizing the whole thing from the inside out? Would it be safe to sew her vagina shut then?
Hopefully when we figure this all out, I can write a journal article about it so that the practice can become more widespread among Christian women who are no longer able to have children and, therefore, have no need for their vaginas.
Comment