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Old 01-30-2011, 02:32 AM
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Default PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

We all know that the Bible instructs us to stone witches to death. It even tells us to stone those who use "familiars."
Quote:
Leviticus 20:27
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.
For those unfamiliar with familiars , here is a brief overview of what God means:

Quote:
[F]amiliar spirits, sometimes referred to simply as familiars, are supernatural entities that assist witches in their practice of magic. They appear in numerous guises, often as an animal, but also at times as a human or humanoid figure, and are described as "clearly defined, three-dimensional… forms, vivid with color and animated with movement and sound" by those who have come into contact with them, unlike later descriptions of ghosts with their "smoky, undefined form[s]"

When they serve witches, they are categorised as being demons. The main purpose of familiars is to serve the witch. The service the familiar would provide would be to protect the new witch coming into his/her new powers.

Due to their association with older forms of magic, in the twentieth century a number of magical practitioners, including adherents of the Neopagan religion of Wicca, have once more begun to utilize the concept.
Get that last bit? Demon familiars are coming back in style! Many atheists scoff at such a notion while they chomp on their popcorn in a movie theater absorbing the latest Harry Potter propaganda. Well, sinners, have a look at this video of a mexican woman giving her familiar cat instructions. Then tell me we are crazy! CHECKMATE!

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Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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  #2  
Old 01-30-2011, 02:44 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Amen, brother. I cannot believe the way these people sat around laughing as that demon spoke! I was truly frightened for my life.

Do you suppose the demon was speaking in Aramaic?
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  #3  
Old 01-30-2011, 03:00 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

We must destroy it with fire.
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  #4  
Old 01-30-2011, 03:17 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #5  
Old 01-30-2011, 03:41 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

The next door neighbor is a crazy cat lady witch and she has some evil cats, too. Evil witches and cats just go together. Sometimes when I'm driving home at night I can see their eyes in the dark, watching me.
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  #6  
Old 01-30-2011, 04:01 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.
Oh no. That is really disappointing news. I'll never be able to purchase a vacation home in Freehold considering I've become rather dependent upon my watch cat even if he does have black belts in karate and judo.

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  #7  
Old 01-30-2011, 04:19 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Most Wise Brothers; we have never stoned witches in my small community, we have always burnt them. I believe some of the elders have been turning a blind eye as of late, as there have been no burnings for almost two years.

Many fond childhood memories are had at burnings. The cozy warmth of the fire, the smell of fat bubbling on the wood and children roasting chestnuts warm the heart of even the most stern parent.

The screaming and writhing of the condemned only lasts a short while and we drown out the unpleasant noise with hymns.

I long for the days of my youth when there was a burning every month.

It warms the cockles of my heart to reminisce.

God be with ye, good gentlemen.
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  #8  
Old 01-30-2011, 08:36 PM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
Most Wise Brothers; we have never stoned witches in my small community, we have always burnt them. I believe some of the elders have been turning a blind eye as of late, as there have been no burnings for almost two years.

Many fond childhood memories are had at burnings. The cozy warmth of the fire, the smell of fat bubbling on the wood and children roasting chestnuts warm the heart of even the most stern parent.

The screaming and writhing of the condemned only lasts a short while and we drown out the unpleasant noise with hymns.

I long for the days of my youth when there was a burning every month.

It warms the cockles of my heart to reminisce.

God be with ye, good gentlemen.
While I a not 100% familiar with the laws of Missouri, I am almost positive you have committed murder, which is just awful. God tells us to obey the government's laws. (Romans 13:1-4) How could you do such a thing? We True Christians™ are trying to change the government's laws to LEGALIZE stoning SO THAT we may enact God's Laws. If you have murdered someone, we will be obligated to report you to the authorities. Now, can you explain what you meant?
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Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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  #9  
Old 01-30-2011, 10:14 PM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

We all know that lezbertarians tend to be witches and that they tend to have lots of cats. Coincidence? I think not.
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Old 02-03-2011, 02:27 AM
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Goody Jerusha Goody Jerusha is offline
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
While I a not 100% familiar with the laws of Missouri, I am almost positive you have committed murder, which is just awful. God tells us to obey the government's laws. (Romans 13:1-4) How could you do such a thing? We True Christians™ are trying to change the government's laws to LEGALIZE stoning SO THAT we may enact God's Laws. If you have murdered someone, we will be obligated to report you to the authorities. Now, can you explain what you meant?
http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Exodus%2022.18

I believe I have received an infraction without merit.
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Old 02-03-2011, 03:09 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Exodus%2022.18

I believe I have received an infraction without merit.
It happens Sister. When I was coming to Jesus and letting Him come in me, there were times that I was infractionated.

Better not to dwell on it or feel sorry for ourselves. When you feel the self-pity, just look at what God can do for those that worship Him without question.

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Focus on your love of God!

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  #12  
Old 02-03-2011, 04:11 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Exodus%2022.18

I believe I have received an infraction without merit.
No, the infraction was well-deserved.

Did you not read Romans 13:1-4 like Brother Gabe quoted to you? We as Christians are commanded to obey secular law.
Titus 3:1 Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,

Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

1st Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
1st Peter 2:14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
1st Peter 2:15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:
Stoning witches is (unfortunately) against the law, but we must follow the law. Please do not promote anything illegal on this forum. Thanks for understanding.
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:12 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Dear, kind, Brother Harold Porter, thank you for your correction. I have committed the sin of pride. Forgive me.
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Old 02-03-2011, 04:30 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.

except Petal

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Old 02-03-2011, 05:02 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.
except Petal

That does seem a bit drastic, forbidding all pussies in Freehold. What will the men do then?
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Old 02-03-2011, 08:13 PM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
Dear, kind, Brother Harold Porter, thank you for your correction. I have committed the sin of pride. Forgive me.
I am happy to see that Brother porter was able to clarify my clumsy attempt to help you on your way to the Light of Jesus. SHOUT GLORY!
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Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
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Old 02-04-2011, 01:27 AM
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Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
Dear, kind, Brother Harold Porter, thank you for your correction. I have committed the sin of pride. Forgive me.
Praise Jesus, my dear! Take the instruction of our righteous men of God in stride and learn.

In Christ
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