Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > False Religions and Cults
Reload this Page PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real!
False Religions and Cults Catholics, Wiccans, Lutherans, Satanists, Mormons, and more!

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
(#1)
Old
Gabriel Reproba's Avatar
Gabriel Reproba Gabriel Reproba is offline
Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team
The Most Honest Lawyer in America
True Christian™

True Christian™ Real American™ Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Christian Love Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth The Lord’s Witness Wound Saved 1 Year The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Punched the most queers TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award One Year/1000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Public Awareness Medal True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Divorcee Prayer Warrior 

 
Posts: 2,471
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: God's Good Side!
Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 02:32 AM

We all know that the Bible instructs us to stone witches to death. It even tells us to stone those who use "familiars."
Quote:
Leviticus 20:27
A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.
For those unfamiliar with familiars , here is a brief overview of what God means:

Quote:
[F]amiliar spirits, sometimes referred to simply as familiars, are supernatural entities that assist witches in their practice of magic. They appear in numerous guises, often as an animal, but also at times as a human or humanoid figure, and are described as "clearly defined, three-dimensional… forms, vivid with color and animated with movement and sound" by those who have come into contact with them, unlike later descriptions of ghosts with their "smoky, undefined form[s]"

When they serve witches, they are categorised as being demons. The main purpose of familiars is to serve the witch. The service the familiar would provide would be to protect the new witch coming into his/her new powers.

Due to their association with older forms of magic, in the twentieth century a number of magical practitioners, including adherents of the Neopagan religion of Wicca, have once more begun to utilize the concept.
Get that last bit? Demon familiars are coming back in style! Many atheists scoff at such a notion while they chomp on their popcorn in a movie theater absorbing the latest Harry Potter propaganda. Well, sinners, have a look at this video of a mexican woman giving her familiar cat instructions. Then tell me we are crazy! CHECKMATE!



Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
Reply With Quote
(#2)
Old
Levi Jones's Avatar
Levi Jones Levi Jones is offline
Associate Pastor of Theology
God's Secret Weapon
Faint Not If You Are Rebuked By Him.
 

True Christian™ 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Ex-liberal True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Gunfest '06 Tithing Manager Saved 1 Year Pastor of GOD One Year/1000 posts Senior Pastor Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth TC Bravery Gunfest '09 Tell her once Persecuted Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Super Soaker Baptism Award Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Punched the most queers 2010 Witch Hunt Award Pro-Life Outreach preacher Early riser Teabag Patriot Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Public Awareness Medal Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Hatchet Child Rearing Award Long service medal, 3rd class True Scientist™ True Christian Hotrodder Touched by Jesus Kirk Cameron Fan Club Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Mission to Messico Hands Off Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Crown of Glory 

 
Posts: 13,942
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 02:44 AM

Amen, brother. I cannot believe the way these people sat around laughing as that demon spoke! I was truly frightened for my life.

Do you suppose the demon was speaking in Aramaic?


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



Reply With Quote
(#3)
Old
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
Christ's Rottweiler
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Christian Love Real American™ Tithing Manager Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS True Scientist™ Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Teabag Patriot TC Bravery Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Ex-Brit Eats the Most Pork True Republican Ex-eurotrash Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Nuts for JESUS! Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Stamp of Approval Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Mower Donald Trump 2016! Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Bathfire Crown of Life 

 
Posts: 19,413
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 03:00 AM

We must destroy it with fire.




Revel in the Diversity of Life that God has given us.
Racism is a Crime
and crime is what Black people do.

Reply With Quote
(#4)
Old
Pastor Ezekiel's Avatar
Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

One Year/1000 posts Ribfest '09 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Saved 1 Year Long service medal, 3rd class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Real American™ True Heterosexual™ Tithing Manager 2008 Witch Hunt Award Gunfest '09 Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus The Lord’s Witness Wound Home Schooled Punched the most queers TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot 20,000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award Flat Earth 50,000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Mission to Japan Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Christian Provider™ award True Scientist™ Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher Special Mission (North Korea) Golden Bear Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! WisconSIN Shooting survivor Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club In Love With Zeke Bear Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Man of the Year True Christian Hotrodder Paula Deen Negro Support Group Gator Touched by Jesus 75,000 posts Man of the Year Babysitter 2014 Witch Hunt Award Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Uber Angels Driver Rick Perry's Niggerhead Ranch Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off 2015 Witch Hunt Award Pastor Ezekiel Golden Bear Award Mission Long service medal, 2nd class Aardvark Asked questions later Heart of compassion Crown of Righteousness The Crown of Crowns Crown of Glory Crown of Incorruptibility Crown of Rejoicing Crown of Life BFF of Jesus 

 
Posts: 79,415
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 03:17 AM

That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
Reply With Quote
(#5)
Old
Nobar King's Avatar
Nobar King Nobar King is offline
Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58
Christ's Guardian
True Christian™

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '07 Christian Love Tin Tither Real American™ Cleanest Kitchen Mission to Australia Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Hotrodder Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian True Christian Nerd TC Bravery Ex-liberal Ex-Christ-Killer Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Saved 5 Years Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life 20,000 posts Eats the Most Pork True Republican Divorcee Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Early riser Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Grammar Nazi Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Hands Off Pastor Ezekiel Cup of Jesus Trump of GOD 

 
Posts: 23,180
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch. Revelation 6:8
Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Nobar King will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 03:41 AM

The next door neighbor is a crazy cat lady witch and she has some evil cats, too. Evil witches and cats just go together. Sometimes when I'm driving home at night I can see their eyes in the dark, watching me.


May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
Reply With Quote
(#6)
Old
Bible Student's Avatar
Bible Student Bible Student is offline
Master of Biblical Study and Ancient Languages
With Jesus now.
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Tell her once Real American™ Christian Love TC Bravery One Year/1000 posts Gold Tither Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 

 
Posts: 2,474
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Miniscule Ohio town about which nobody heard
Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 04:01 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.
Oh no. That is really disappointing news. I'll never be able to purchase a vacation home in Freehold considering I've become rather dependent upon my watch cat even if he does have black belts in karate and judo.



YiJC, BS

II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
Reply With Quote
(#7)
Old
Goody Jerusha's Avatar
Goody Jerusha Goody Jerusha is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
 
Posts: 30
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: In my Husbands home, where I should be.
Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 04:19 AM

Most Wise Brothers; we have never stoned witches in my small community, we have always burnt them. I believe some of the elders have been turning a blind eye as of late, as there have been no burnings for almost two years.

Many fond childhood memories are had at burnings. The cozy warmth of the fire, the smell of fat bubbling on the wood and children roasting chestnuts warm the heart of even the most stern parent.

The screaming and writhing of the condemned only lasts a short while and we drown out the unpleasant noise with hymns.

I long for the days of my youth when there was a burning every month.

It warms the cockles of my heart to reminisce.

God be with ye, good gentlemen.


Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round thy table. Psalms 128 vs. 3.

Pekahiah & Kelaiah age 14, Gaius age 12, Dorcas & Dicklah age 9, Gomer age 6, Hagar age 3, Solomon Solomon Junior age 15 months
Reply With Quote
(#8)
Old
Gabriel Reproba's Avatar
Gabriel Reproba Gabriel Reproba is offline
Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team
The Most Honest Lawyer in America
True Christian™

True Christian™ Real American™ Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Christian Love Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth The Lord’s Witness Wound Saved 1 Year The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Punched the most queers TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award One Year/1000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Public Awareness Medal True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Divorcee Prayer Warrior 

 
Posts: 2,471
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: God's Good Side!
Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 08:36 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
Most Wise Brothers; we have never stoned witches in my small community, we have always burnt them. I believe some of the elders have been turning a blind eye as of late, as there have been no burnings for almost two years.

Many fond childhood memories are had at burnings. The cozy warmth of the fire, the smell of fat bubbling on the wood and children roasting chestnuts warm the heart of even the most stern parent.

The screaming and writhing of the condemned only lasts a short while and we drown out the unpleasant noise with hymns.

I long for the days of my youth when there was a burning every month.

It warms the cockles of my heart to reminisce.

God be with ye, good gentlemen.
While I a not 100% familiar with the laws of Missouri, I am almost positive you have committed murder, which is just awful. God tells us to obey the government's laws. (Romans 13:1-4) How could you do such a thing? We True Christians™ are trying to change the government's laws to LEGALIZE stoning SO THAT we may enact God's Laws. If you have murdered someone, we will be obligated to report you to the authorities. Now, can you explain what you meant?


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
Reply With Quote
(#9)
Old
Pastor Isaac Peters's Avatar
Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
Senior Pastor
Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
Always Biblically correct
 

1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Publisher's Choice True Heterosexual™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Tithing Manager Christian Love Ex-Mary Worshipper Long service medal, 2nd class Senior Pastor Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Ex-liberal True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Outreach preacher True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus Anti-sodomy Hands Off Crown of Glory 

 
Posts: 10,518
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: 13706 Levite's Sojourn Terr., Gibeah Hill, Freehold, Iowa
Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 01-30-2011, 10:14 PM

We all know that lezbertarians tend to be witches and that they tend to have lots of cats. Coincidence? I think not.


This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

Reply With Quote
(#10)
Old
Goody Jerusha's Avatar
Goody Jerusha Goody Jerusha is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
 
Posts: 30
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: In my Husbands home, where I should be.
Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-03-2011, 02:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabriel Reproba View Post
While I a not 100% familiar with the laws of Missouri, I am almost positive you have committed murder, which is just awful. God tells us to obey the government's laws. (Romans 13:1-4) How could you do such a thing? We True Christians™ are trying to change the government's laws to LEGALIZE stoning SO THAT we may enact God's Laws. If you have murdered someone, we will be obligated to report you to the authorities. Now, can you explain what you meant?
http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Exodus%2022.18

I believe I have received an infraction without merit.


Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round thy table. Psalms 128 vs. 3.

Pekahiah & Kelaiah age 14, Gaius age 12, Dorcas & Dicklah age 9, Gomer age 6, Hagar age 3, Solomon Solomon Junior age 15 months
Reply With Quote
(#11)
Old
Brother Harold Porter's Avatar
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
Landover Senior Outreach
Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Bronze Tither True Scientist™ True Christian Hotrodder Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ Friend of Jesus Ex-Gay Flat Earth One Year/1000 posts Ex-liberal Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Provider™ award Punched the most queers Tagging for Jesus Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork True Republican Early riser Teabag Patriot Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Saved 5 Years 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Stamp of Approval The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Public Awareness Medal Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility 

 
Posts: 7,965
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-03-2011, 03:09 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Exodus%2022.18

I believe I have received an infraction without merit.
It happens Sister. When I was coming to Jesus and letting Him come in me, there were times that I was infractionated.

Better not to dwell on it or feel sorry for ourselves. When you feel the self-pity, just look at what God can do for those that worship Him without question.

Name:  HO.jpg
Views: 328
Size:  34.1 KB

Focus on your love of God!

In Jesus Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

Reply With Quote
(#12)
Old
Rev. Jim Osborne's Avatar
Rev. Jim Osborne Rev. Jim Osborne is offline
True Christian™ Televangelist
Director of Fundraising and Tithing
On the Look Out for Wife #6!
True Christian™

1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College True Christian™ Public Awareness Medal Christian Love Tithing Manager Real American™ Ex-Mary Worshipper The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator TC Bravery Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Senior Pastor Mission to Australia Teabag Patriot Saved 1 Year One Year/1000 posts True Scientist™ Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Japan Iceland Mission to Las Vegas Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award Outreach preacher True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior 

 
Posts: 8,728
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, Iowa
Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. Jim Osborne will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-03-2011, 04:11 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
http://biblia.com/bible/kjv1900/Exodus%2022.18

I believe I have received an infraction without merit.
No, the infraction was well-deserved.

Did you not read Romans 13:1-4 like Brother Gabe quoted to you? We as Christians are commanded to obey secular law.
Titus 3:1 Put them in mind to be subject to principalities and powers, to obey magistrates, to be ready to every good work,

Hebrews 13:17 Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you.

1st Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;
1st Peter 2:14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.
1st Peter 2:15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:
Stoning witches is (unfortunately) against the law, but we must follow the law. Please do not promote anything illegal on this forum. Thanks for understanding.



Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.

Reply With Quote
(#13)
Old
Goody Jerusha's Avatar
Goody Jerusha Goody Jerusha is offline
Forum Member
Forum Member
 
Posts: 30
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: In my Husbands home, where I should be.
Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Goody Jerusha has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-03-2011, 04:12 AM

Dear, kind, Brother Harold Porter, thank you for your correction. I have committed the sin of pride. Forgive me.


Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round thy table. Psalms 128 vs. 3.

Pekahiah & Kelaiah age 14, Gaius age 12, Dorcas & Dicklah age 9, Gomer age 6, Hagar age 3, Solomon Solomon Junior age 15 months
Reply With Quote
(#14)
Old
Daisy Mae Johnson's Avatar
Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
aka the BiblethumpinBlonde
 

Best Pie One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Christian Love Best Pie Long service medal, 2nd class Cleanest Kitchen Saved 5 Years Platinum Tither True Christian Lady Best Pie True Christian Homemaker Real American™ Mother of 1 boy or 2.5 girls The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Ribfest '09 Daisy Home Schooled Best stoning bucket Heaven Bound The Lord’s Witness Wound Protected by JESUS Punched the most queers TC Bravery Jailed for JESUS Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Most Obedient Born again virgin Persecuted Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas True Republican Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor In Love With Zeke Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Kirk Cameron Fan Club Prayer Warrior Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus Babysitter Stamp of Approval Mission to Korea Trump of GOD Pie Roper Crossburn Donald Trump 2016! Trumpette Anti-sodomy Mission to Messico Hands Off Long service medal, 3rd class 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Mama Grizzly Pastor Ezekiel Aardvark Crown of Rejoicing BFF of Jesus 

 
Posts: 15,416
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, IA
Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-03-2011, 04:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.

except Petal





Tweet me Here
My GODLY Bio Here
Reply With Quote
(#15)
Old
Bible Student's Avatar
Bible Student Bible Student is offline
Master of Biblical Study and Ancient Languages
With Jesus now.
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator Friend of Jesus 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Flat Earth The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking The Lord’s Witness Wound Tell her once Real American™ Christian Love TC Bravery One Year/1000 posts Gold Tither Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 

 
Posts: 2,474
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Miniscule Ohio town about which nobody heard
Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Bible Student is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-03-2011, 05:02 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Daisy Mae Johnson View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel
That thing gave me the heebie-jeebies. I'm going to announce at tomorrow's services that all cats are banned in Freehold.
except Petal

That does seem a bit drastic, forbidding all pussies in Freehold. What will the men do then?


YiJC, BS

II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.
Reply With Quote
(#16)
Old
Gabriel Reproba's Avatar
Gabriel Reproba Gabriel Reproba is offline
Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team
The Most Honest Lawyer in America
True Christian™

True Christian™ Real American™ Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Christian Love Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth The Lord’s Witness Wound Saved 1 Year The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Punched the most queers TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award One Year/1000 posts Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Public Awareness Medal True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Divorcee Prayer Warrior 

 
Posts: 2,471
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: God's Good Side!
Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Gabriel Reproba will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-03-2011, 08:13 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
Dear, kind, Brother Harold Porter, thank you for your correction. I have committed the sin of pride. Forgive me.
I am happy to see that Brother porter was able to clarify my clumsy attempt to help you on your way to the Light of Jesus. SHOUT GLORY!


Yours In Christ,

Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.
Reply With Quote
(#17)
Old
Brother Harold Porter's Avatar
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
Landover Senior Outreach
Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound True Christian™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Bronze Tither True Scientist™ True Christian Hotrodder Christian Love 1st Year Bible College Real American™ Friend of Jesus Ex-Gay Flat Earth One Year/1000 posts Ex-liberal Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Mission to Las Vegas The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Super Soaker Baptism Award True Christian Provider™ award Punched the most queers Tagging for Jesus Saved 1 Year Eats the Most Pork True Republican Early riser Teabag Patriot Batman Shooting Survivor Sons of Liberty Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Saved 5 Years 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Stamp of Approval The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Pancake Dinner Anti-sodomy Pastor Ezekiel Public Awareness Medal Crown of Life Crown of Incorruptibility 

 
Posts: 7,965
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Freehold Senior Estates
Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Brother Harold Porter will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: PROOF: Witches With Demon Cats Are Real! - 02-04-2011, 01:27 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goody Jerusha View Post
Dear, kind, Brother Harold Porter, thank you for your correction. I have committed the sin of pride. Forgive me.
Praise Jesus, my dear! Take the instruction of our righteous men of God in stride and learn.

In Christ


Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here



Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
vBulletin Skin developed by: vBStyles.com
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2015 all rights reserved