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The question of fossils has bothered Christians for many years. The strongest evidence to date is that Satan hid the fossils to test our faith. This is widely accepted but recently the Landover University Faculty of Antediluvian Research has found evidence of an alternative theory.
I was amongst the first to realize that most fossils are found underground and that, landslides excepted, there is no reason for this to be the case. Where on earth would the dinosaurs (i.e. behemoths) be when they died? Obviously they would be on the ground. And then the real answer came to me inspired by God.
I was in the yard and about to shoot a few Dalmatian puppies that had the wrong number of spots. I pointed the gun at the first one, and shot – as it happened I missed – but all the puppies scattered and they all tried to hide under something.
And there is your answer to this thorny problem! (You’re probably all ahead of me now but that’s still a little late – This happened a few weeks ago and I’ve published.)
Those dogs knew they were about to meet the dog equivalent of the choir invisible and what did they do? They went under something.
This must be the answer – fossils are underground because dinosaurs burrowed – all of them. See the illustration – I have added a man to give some idea of scale.
The dinosaur felt ill, it realized that it was on the way out (just like the puppies), so it returned to its burrow and died – that is why fossils are underground.
Of course, I can hear you ask “Well why are there plant fossils in coal?” The answer, once the Tunneling Theorem is accepted, is obvious – Miners’ wives took them deep underground to make the miners feel at home.
“And birds” I hear you ask?
“Caught by dinosaurs and taken down their burrows to feed the young – see the picture atheist!”
“And fish?”
“Coral caves”
I think this is pretty conclusive and solves a lot of problems.
I was amongst the first to realize that most fossils are found underground and that, landslides excepted, there is no reason for this to be the case. Where on earth would the dinosaurs (i.e. behemoths) be when they died? Obviously they would be on the ground. And then the real answer came to me inspired by God.
I was in the yard and about to shoot a few Dalmatian puppies that had the wrong number of spots. I pointed the gun at the first one, and shot – as it happened I missed – but all the puppies scattered and they all tried to hide under something.
And there is your answer to this thorny problem! (You’re probably all ahead of me now but that’s still a little late – This happened a few weeks ago and I’ve published.)
Those dogs knew they were about to meet the dog equivalent of the choir invisible and what did they do? They went under something.
This must be the answer – fossils are underground because dinosaurs burrowed – all of them. See the illustration – I have added a man to give some idea of scale.
The dinosaur felt ill, it realized that it was on the way out (just like the puppies), so it returned to its burrow and died – that is why fossils are underground.
Of course, I can hear you ask “Well why are there plant fossils in coal?” The answer, once the Tunneling Theorem is accepted, is obvious – Miners’ wives took them deep underground to make the miners feel at home.
“And birds” I hear you ask?
“Caught by dinosaurs and taken down their burrows to feed the young – see the picture atheist!”
“And fish?”
“Coral caves”
I think this is pretty conclusive and solves a lot of problems.
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