[Death's Demise]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Has this idiot not noticed that the sky gets light long before the sun comes up and goes dark way after it has gone down! At times I really do despair at secularists.

That's just because of all the white people in the world, they keep it light for a while and lighten up in the morning too.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

That's just because of all the white people in the world, they keep it light for a while and lighten up in the morning too.

Wrong. The light appeared BEFORE people were created, so that can't be the explanation.

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Wrong. The light appeared BEFORE people were created, so that can't be the explanation.

That's easy - bio-florescent plants. Plant predate the sun so God gave plants their own light source.

[Clod McGobbledegook]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

My atheist friends time taunt me with childish question like “show me any proof, no matter how vague of this existence of God.” While this is utterly disingenuous, proof of God’s existence is in all of our hearts as atheists well know, I suppose for the weak faith it is worth the effort of putting up a good example. So for my friends how there who persist in denying the existence of God here goes.

The cucumber: The cucumber sleek shape is the correct size of the human hand. While one can make the weak argument that cucumbers are just that size because apes eat them and Godly micro evolution caused this them to be convenient to a human sized hand no other primate we are supposedly related to eats the cucumber, only humans. This also makes the cucumber the optimal size to be inserted into a human bodily orifice, again there is no natural reason for this. Only humans are depraved enough to violate themselves with a vegetable. Cucumbers have a tough out skin that allows them to put up to resist repeated rubbing, like what will happen when a cucumber is inserted into a human bodily orifice for purulent reasons. Again, no natural reason for this.

Evolution can not explain the cucumber. So clearly the cucumber has a creator.

Who or what is so obsessed with what humans put into their bodies that it would create a vegetable to enable it? There is only one answer; the God of the Christian Bible. Sticking things into your bum is a major point of Christianity. It is the direst of sins and God is on the constant alert for it, He is utterly outraged by it and tests humanity for it relentlessly. Clearly cucumbers are created by God as a trap for any hidden self sodomites out there.

Game over Atheists.

how is an edible vegetable related directly to sexual activity? its like those bad advertisements that try to sell you stuff by giving you the absolute worst possible situation the providing this shiny thing that miraculously completes the task, the late night ones. I'm pretty sure the shape of the cucumber has more in relation to how it grows than to what hole some people stick it in.

I proved how evolution dictated the shape of the cucumber, therefore it does not have a creator.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

how is an edible vegetable related directly to sexual activity? its like those bad advertisements that try to sell you stuff by giving you the absolute worst possible situation the providing this shiny thing that miraculously completes the task, the late night ones. I'm pretty sure the shape of the cucumber has more in relation to how it grows than to what hole some people stick it in.

I proved how evolution dictated the shape of the cucumber, therefore it does not have a creator.

Don't come crying to us when your crack addiction finally lands you in jail and some big hairy fairy whispers sweet nothings in your ear while brandishing a cucumber to warm you up with. That'll be God getting your "little joke" just now about having proved that cucumbers naturally evolved to be convenient for people.

[truthrejecter]

Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.

People who sin like sinning or they wouldn't sin.

[Billy Bob Jenkins]

Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

the taste of cucumbers or pickles?

That is disgusting. I just threw up a little in the back of my throat. Why would you bring up the taste of a vegetable people use to anally stimulate themselves? I am sure there is no flavor more disgusting than pickled anus. Eating vegetables used in anal sex is just as disgusting as the homer on homer contact that precedes it.

[I once belived]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Brother B-J, I nearly bought a cucumber just the other day.

There I was at the Safeway, gathering fresh vegetables for a church pot luck salad. I had tomatoes, zucchini, baby corn, and all sorts of tasty treats.

There they were: Cucumbers, 2 for $1. What a great way to add some texture to the salad!

I rolled my cart over and picked up one of these succulent delights.

Much to my surprise, it was . . . well, greasy. I set it down and picked up another; also greasy.

A store employee was wandering by, and I asked why the cucumbers were so greasy. "Oh," he said, pointing at an emo-looking stocker, "Billy lubes 'em up with the KY every night in the storeroom. Takes him hours."

Upon seeing my expression of horror, he quickly added, "Dude, it washes off, it won't hurt you or nuthin."

I'm not sure what happened next. I must have fainted from my shock at the matter-of-fact way he told me about "Billy" and the depravity he engaged in with the cucumbers. I awoke in the storeroom, and my behind hurt something fierce.

"Dude, you fell down and landed right on one of them cucumbers. Don't worry, me and Billy, we got it out for you. You OK?"

You are the biggest liar I have ever met, I thought Christians don't lie? You probably love to shove cucumbers up your ass and sucking dick.

[Jon McMichaelson]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

You are the biggest liar I have ever met, I thought Christians don't lie? You probably love to shove cucumbers up your ass and sucking dick.

The Bible does not tell us to shove cucumbers in our anus and suck male genitals. So I can already vouch for him and say he does not, as he is a True Christian™, unlike you. Enjoy Hell where Satan can put cucumbers in YOUR anus to see how you like it.

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

You are the biggest liar I have ever met, I thought Christians don't lie? You probably love to shove cucumbers up your ass and sucking dick.

The gradual deterioration of atheists who can't browbeat us into blustering apologies for following God's word into hateful slander is always rather predictable.

[Pastor Billy-Reuben]

Re: Cumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Bobby-Joe, you have made me sneaky suspicious of a neighbor of mine. He's single, thin, well groomed (maybe a little TOO well groomed), and he grows CUCUMBERS along his fence every year. They are the short, fat, knobby kind, too. He claims to make pickles with them, but I don't believe him.

I'm thinking I ought to sneak into his yard late one night this summer, and spray some Round-Up for the Lord.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

have you not thought about the fact that your neighbor might just like the taste of cucumbers or pickles? seriously, you guys are far to judgmental.

Friend, I made that post almost three years ago. This thread is 35 pages now and if you haven't read the whole thing I don't blame you, but you may have missed my follow-up post where I confronted that neighbor and my suspicions were confirmed.

I'll post it again here.

That neighbor's cucumber plants were starting to get tall, so I did like I said and sprayed them real good with Round-Up late Thursday night. By yesterday morning, they were dead.

I don't know who saw me and ratted me out, but he came over today banging on my door and demanding to know why I killed his cucumbers. I explained everything, and the look on his face was priceless. He looked like he didn't know whether to crack up laughing or punch me.

He told me I was crazy. Well, I'm not the one growing tough skinned phallic vegetables in the sight of a vengeful God. THAT'S crazy.

Pastor Billy-Reuben

[FirstLaw]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Hello every one and good day
I have a question, forgive me for not understanding your argument my friend.
But i do need further explanation, as to why the cucumber is proof...
I thought Cucumbers were cultivated by man for over 3000 years to make it look that way
plus where i live the cucumbers are very small and would break easily since we cultivated them that way... plus I've never ever heard of any one using cucumbers in such a way... that is the first time i hear of such a thing!
why would anyone put a vegetable in their behind...
please correct my information as I'm very interested in this!
Thank you for sharing this information with us all and i hope we get to a place with this argument.

Matthew 7:12

Therefore all things whatever you would that men should do to you, do you even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

[dicker]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

hey everyone,

not sure about this cucumber theory, I think God is a question of faith for most people, here's the confusion for me:

I read this post yesterday and happened to be grocery shopping today with my girlfriend.
I live in China and the cucumbers here are definitely not suited for poking up your butt, very rough with lots of bumps on them, you'd seriously have to be a sadist to even attempt it!
So that kinda throws a spanner in the works, I think queershave all the temptation they need poking it up other queers buttholes without having to resort to cucumbers.
Most gays I've met have been very promiscious (At an old job one guy told some of the office girls how he had sex in the toilet in a bar with some random guy whilst his boyfriend was outside) so unless they are housebound probably could find someone to carry out their ungodly pursuits

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

hey everyone,

not sure about this cucumber theory, I think God is a question of faith for most people, here's the confusion for me:

I read this post yesterday and happened to be grocery shopping today with my girlfriend.
I live in China and the cucumbers here are definitely not suited for poking up your butt, very rough with lots of bumps on them, you'd seriously have to be a sadist to even attempt it!
So that kinda throws a spanner in the works, I think queershave all the temptation they need poking it up other queers buttholes without having to resort to cucumbers.
Most gays I've met have been very promiscious (At an old job one guy told some of the office girls how he had sex in the toilet in a bar with some random guy whilst his boyfriend was outside) so unless they are housebound probably could find someone to carry out their ungodly pursuits

I guess you just summed up the state of Chine morality here. Not much of reason for God to test the Chines for latent homosexuality when all God has to do is look into the restroom stall of the nearest bar?