[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Dear God-Mocker;

You can't understand the proof offered because your father is satan.

John 8:43 Why do ye not understand my speech? even because ye cannot hear my word. 8:44 Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it. 8:45 And because I tell you the truth, ye believe me not.

[Nobar King]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

It tells me that the people that run the forums do not agree with me and therefore wish to give me infractions where the others that argue against me are safe because they are on the same team.

You're starting to understand Christianity, boy. Did you expect something different?

I asked you to quote scripture that obviously does not exist.

That's quite a paradox.

[King Gilgamesh]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Hello, my name is Michael Bradley Faertz. Let me start off by saying I dabble in both religion and the sciences. By posting my opinion here, I don't want to say that God does not exist, but rather the cucumber is not the best proof to site. Now, here is why I believe that the cucumber does not prove God's existence;

The cucumber comes from the Cucurbitaceae family, which includes crops like squash, melons, watermelons, and luffas. This familiy is characterized by its vines and by the hard exterior of its crops. Concluding that the cucumber has a hard exterior only for use in sodomy would be saying the watermelon has a hard exterior for the same reason. In truth, the hard exterior houses the seeds and the many nutrients inside the crop, allowing for reproduction of the species.

Cucumbers originated in South Asia and were first cultivated more than 3000 years ago. The plant by nature was very easy to crop, so its cultivation quickly spreed to various parts of the globe. The wild cucumbers at this time were much much smaller and more round than the ones you would see at the grocery today. The increase in size and shape are due to artificial selection (when a human's preferences or influences have a significant effect on the growth of a population, in this case the preference for larger, more nutritious cucumber). It is unlikely that putting this small, round, and hard crop up the arse was the reason for its cultivation 3000 years ago, but rather the desire for more efficient crops.

Therefore, man is responsible for the growth/use of the cucumber. The reasons for its size, shape, and texture that would allow it to be used for sodomy have been caused by the actions of man, and was not created as such.
Also, many species of insects feed on cucumbers. I would guess other animals would too.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Hi Michael, can I call you Bradley? Super!

Bradley, that has to be one of the biggest piles of stinky poo I have read in a long time. You work for Obama?

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

@Michael Bradley yeah-sure

Huh???

[True Disciple]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

The point of this thread has always been, from my FIRST POST on the top of PAGE 10 that you CANNOT say for certain that you are POSITIVE that cucumbers are a trap for Atheists or homos.

Yes, we can, of course we can.
Fact 1: God created everything. That means that everything we see has a purpose. You can understand that, right? Right.
Fact 2: Cucumbers are most likely to be used by filthy sodomites to be stuck in their behinds, because of their shape.
Fact 3: God gave us free will; free will to accept Him and go to Heaven, or to reject Him and go to Hell.
Therefore, He must have created something to seduce us with, to give us a honest choice. As cucumbers qualify best, and there is no other reason for them to be the shape they are, this means that cucumbers are meant to test the morality of people, by either putting them into their behinds, or refraining from doing so.
It's as easy as that. Wonderful, isn't it? Praise the Lord!

But you all have avoided the question, insulted me, called me closed minded and have told me a few times how a cucumber proves the existence of god.

That's because you refuse to listen, but keep stubbornly repeating the same arguments over and over again. That's getting annoying. We're taking time for you, to give you a serious answer. I think you ought to be a little more grateful for that.

And the same thing has been happening to me on the Are You an Atheist? thread to prove that Atheist in fact DO NOT WORSHIP the Devil, or MONKEYS. I am not even trying say that cucumbers are NOT there for that reason, I am saying that YOU nor I neither know, because it is NOT in the SCRIPTURE.

Well, I recall that you admitted being wrong in that thread as well. Maybe it's time to do the same here.

And now that I am proved right you all hate me for it? Sorry guys, you are not Gods and are wrong sometimes, just like I am wrong sometimes too, the only difference is that I can deal with it and don't try to change the subject or mock the person I am talking to.

We are only wrong if we abandon the Scriptures and Biblical Logic. However, that's the very thing we at Landover all have in common: we never do that. We follow the Scriptures for the full 100%. We do not claim to be God. We only claim God is God, and he has created the cucumber for a Reason.

The increase in size and shape are due to artificial selection (when a human's preferences or influences have a significant effect on the growth of a population, in this case the preference for larger, more nutritious cucumber). It is unlikely that putting this small, round, and hard crop up the arse was the reason for its cultivation 3000 years ago, but rather the desire for more efficient crops.

Sodomites have been here since the Fall of Man! It's one of the prime methods to sin against God!
I'm willing to believe that artificial selection might have modified the cucumber a tiny bit so that it would be even easier to put it into your behind, but the reason people started selecting on elongated shapes to begin with was because it already was more suitable for that purpose than other vegetables (otherwise, we would have had elongated watermelons by now, wouldn't we?).
This means that cucumbers still were the most suitable vegetables to stick into someone's behind at the time of Adam and Eve, which proves that God designed them for that reason.

Now please stop whining and start accepting Christ!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

I admit I have grown cucumbers before, because it is simply too embarrasing to purchase them in public. (And the people who linger in that section of the produce department are always weird.)

IF you use cucumbers in a salad, or to serve alongside cold paoched salmon, you must disguise its shape.

First, peel them. Then, slice them lengthwise.

Most importantly, take a spoon and run it down the center of the cucumber halves, creating a furrow, to remove the seeds. These seeds are seeds of homosexual sin, and you wouldn't want them growing inside someone and entering the nervous system.

Now, cut the halves into slices, moving up the length of the cucumber.

Preparing and disguising the vegetable in this way renders it safe. (These slices also look like little arks if you look at them from the side, which is uplifting.)

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Thrusting Boy,

We have deleted your posts because we grow weary of your prattle. We, threw the Power of Christ(tm), have PROVED that cucumbers were created by Jesus to trap the sinful into committing auto-sodomy. Since you have presented no argument against our PROOF beyond your childish "I don't want want to listen to Jesus" we will moderate any further posts from you on this threads as signs of being a sour loser.

Be an adult about Thrusting boy, you lost and that is all there is to it.

[ThrustingBoy]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Fact 2: Cucumbers are most likely to be used by filthy sodomites to be stuck in their behinds, because of their shape.

The "most likely" part says it all. And Bradley, don't bother bro, TRUST me, just don't bother.

[True Disciple]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

IF you use cucumbers in a salad, or to serve alongside cold paoched salmon, you must disguise its shape.

First, peel them. Then, slice them lengthwise.

Most importantly, take a spoon and run it down the center of the cucumber halves, creating a furrow, to remove the seeds. These seeds are seeds of homosexual sin, and you wouldn't want them growing inside someone and entering the nervous system.

Now, cut the halves into slices, moving up the length of the cucumber.

Preparing and disguising the vegetable in this way renders it safe. (These slices also look like little arks if you look at them from the side, which is uplifting.)

Sister, I'm suddenly in doubt. I always made little cubes of cucumbers before putting them into the salad. Is that also acceptable, or should I ask Jesus for forgiveness about this transgression?

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Cucumbers originated in South Asia and were first cultivated more than 3000 years ago. The plant by nature was very easy to crop, so its cultivation quickly spreed to various parts of the globe. The wild cucumbers at this time were much much smaller and more round than the ones you would see at the grocery today. The increase in size and shape are due to artificial selection (when a human's preferences or influences have a significant effect on the growth of a population, in this case the preference for larger, more nutritious cucumber). It is unlikely that putting this small, round, and hard crop up the arse was the reason for its cultivation 3000 years ago, but rather the desire for more efficient crops.

Artificial Selection, in other words Intelligent Design?

So you admit the cucumber wouldn't occur naturally???

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

Sister, I'm suddenly in doubt. I always made little cubes of cucumbers before putting them into the salad. Is that also acceptable, or should I ask Jesus for forgiveness about this transgression?

We will have to wait for word from the Pastors and Male Elders, but I would think you have protected yourself by disguising the shape of the object, at least, by dicing it into cubes.

The question now is, just how many of the demon seeds you may have ingested, and how frequently.

But....you would surely have noticed if the homosexuality had taken root, by now. It's impossible for the homosexual to disguise or ignore its impulses, without intensive professional help.

[True Disciple]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

We will have to wait for word from the Pastors and Male Elders, but I would think you have protected yourself by disguising the shape of the object, at least, by dicing it into cubes.

But....you would surely have noticed if the homosexuality had taken root, by now. It's impossible for the homosexual to disguise or ignore its impulses, without intensive professional help.

I need to remember that. The Landover Summer Camp For Remediating Ungodly Lusts last year was a severe drain on my finances!

[Mistress Cookie]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

I need to remember that. The Landover Summer Camp For Remediating Ungodly Lusts last year was a severe drain on my finances!

I am so sorry I am not as familiar as I should be on all our church programs, Brother. Tell me about our Summer Camp For Remediating Ungodly Lusts, again?

Are you....a recovering ex-gay? (I'm so sorry to say that, if it's the case!) It would just be a horrible shame if the cucumber seeds set you all the way back to where you started!

Why aren't they covering this potential downfall in the summer classes??? The cucumber-seed-theory has been around for quite a while, as I understand it.

[True Disciple]

Re: Cucumber, the proof of God’s existence Atheists

I am so sorry I am not as familiar as I should be on all our church programs, Brother. Tell me about our Summer Camp For Remediating Ungodly Lusts, again?

Are you....a recovering ex-gay? (I'm so sorry to say that, if it's the case!) It would just be a horrible shame if the cucumber seeds set you all the way back to where you started!

Why aren't they covering this potential downfall in the summer classes??? The cucumber-seed-theory has been around for quite a while, as I understand it.

No, no, sister, you got me all wrong.

I am a happy heterosexual!

It's just that I had some disturbed feelings before the summer holidays, and Pastor Ezekiel friendly advised me to join the SCFRUL. I got cured of it there, but I has a slight regression into sin last week. Now I understand that my feelings before last summer holidays were the consequence of 22 years of eating cucumber seeds, and this slight regression from half a year eating it again. Now that I've stopped, I feel better immediately.

God bless you, Sister!