[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

While it is said the strippers will be tailored to ones sexual orientation I fail to see the connection with Homosexuality, I do not think the earthly strip joints has that much of a none heterosexual clientele. Unlike your draconian misconceptions about who created us, we know our creator does not care what consenting adults do with each other.

Strippers leads to masturbation which is by definition a homosexual act.

in his own words "If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something."

Oh really pasta-heathen? Then did your god create parasitic wasps and beetle tallywackers for the same reason? Because it felt good? Face it, only the God we worshiped could have created something like that.

Checkmate meatball bouncer.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

This FSM myth is like a collander. It doesn't hold water. You have simply stolen JESUS and created a graven image in His place. Well, not exactly graven since it's difficult to engrave spaghetti in any meaningful way, so I suppose a better analogy would be that you have taken the reality of JESUS' sermon on the mount and are making a mockery out of a molehill.

I can take it down the line point by point. Can angels fly? Yes. Can people fly? Yes. Spaghetti can't. It can't pass the Homeland Security/TSA requirements.

Were we created in GOD's image? Certainly! I suspect the flying spaghetti monster has more sinister plans. Why does it touch people with it's noodly appendage? Is it counting calories? Is it promoting the homosexual agenda? NO ONE KNOWS!

Of the millions of other horrid possibilities, one is that the Vatican invented it when they realized that kool-aid and wheat-thins don't really turn into JESUS' flesh and blood in the gullets of gullible suckers who go to mass. The Eucharist is so much BS and people now realize that cannibalizing JESUS body every Sunday is a bad thing. Are they trying to sneak in a substitute substantiation?

They certainly aren't above it! It's a well-known fact that several Jesuit torturers were rented from the Pope to teach their grisly techniques to the Demoncrats running the CIA.

Then there are other coincidences that are just a little too cute for my taste. When Landover Baptist starts winning the war against evil what happens? Cults are formed. Cults like wicca... sintology (it's actually a club for short people)...gothism....Flying Spaghetti monsters....vampires....church of the sub-genius....that pink capricorn thingy. Ted Haggard. The plot against Dick Cheney. Dotheads. These are all a bit TOO coincidental, don't you think?

I do. I can see the big picture here and it isn't pretty!

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster's Sauce is perfect, you are confused by Mankind's pale imitation of his Sauce, any sauce made by human hand can not possibly reach the perfection of the true Sauce.

The FSM's followers do not consume our true creator but consume a representation of the Creator, those deluded catholics follow a simaler practice with their bread and wine

Friend, the mental image of a bog of wet noodles flying around dripping stuff is about as disgusting as anything I have ever heard. It reminds me of 'War of the worlds' by H.G. Wells.

Now I wonder....are those dropping from a bird, or is something stalking me for my pot of sauce? In fact it could be something much more sinister, but I refuse to equate any part of my GODLY body to a 'noodly appendage' and I recommend that smartass moderators also refrain from doing so.

Who knows what evil lurks in pasta? GOD forgive me for even THINKING about Pasta Alfredo which is a French recipe for turning people gay.

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

How very dare you accuse the True History of Creation of having anything to do with those fools that peddle the Evolution Myth.

I suppose you also deny that global warming can be directly related to the demise of true Pirates

See? We are in complete agreement. You have simply got the name of your deity wrong.

[WilliamJenningsBryan]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

This "pasta" cult has it's origins in the introduction of "boiled" noodles into Sicily in the 8th century. There is reasonable evidence to believe that it was brought by Arab invaders (i.e. Mooselimbs). Earlier forms (like those supposedly brought back from China by Marco Polo) from the ancient world were "baked". In today's context these Islamic origins are to be treated with a high degree of suspicion. While there is no direct evidence that pasta can spontaneously blown itself up, certain forms of pasta exhibit what is known as a high glycemic index (GI) which can lead to diabetes, insulin shock, and death.

Pasta has become known as a "comfort" food, much like the salad bar Christians we often see here at Landover. Indeed, the proponents of this "pasta" deity proselytize a self indulgent philosophy that leads to carb "highs", insulin depression, obesity, and early death.

The "pasta" deity is silent on the fundamental issues of sacrifice and redemption, so much a part of the legacy handed down to our present civilization. Flying in the face of mankind's original sin comes an endless array of sauces, from al'olio to alla Carbonara, to make this effrontery palatable. Aside from the olive oil, where is the virgin birth, death and resurrection, and eternal life - not to mention a foundation of scripture and historical narrative? Its own sophistry produces a prescription for making us all fat, dumb and happy.

[JennyD]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

I suppose you also deny that global warming can be directly related to the demise of true Pirates

With the rise of true Pirates from Somalia, shall we anticipate global cooling?

Please show us your revised graphs.

Any god who would promise strippers and eternal lap dances is just creating an army of gays.

Wait, the FSM offers its followers strippers and lap dances?

That objectifies women, which oppresses them!

OPPRESSION! OPPRESSION! SEXISM!

[LITTLEONION]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster's Sauce is perfect, you are confused by Mankind's pale imitation of his Sauce, any sauce made by human hand can not possibly reach the perfection of the true Sauce.

The FSM's followers do not consume our true creator but consume a representation of the Creator, those deluded catholics follow a simaler practice with their bread and wine

Ummm...you dont use any onions in your sauce do you?...

[Star Finder]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster gave us a brian and wants us to use it, your Myth seems to see the use of reason and thinking as evil

what is this? some sort of Monty Python mocking skit??!!1

You are all rinsed out! I think that the Primivarists have demented your brian!!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

With the rise of true Pirates from Somalia, shall we anticipate global cooling?

Please show us your revised graphs.

Those so called pirates do not have parrots, wooden legs or even eye patches so how can they be called true?

Wait, the FSM offers its followers strippers and lap dances?

That objectifies women, which oppresses them!

OPPRESSION! OPPRESSION! SEXISM!

You are the one displaying a sexist attitude, assuming the strippers would all be female

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

This "pasta" cult has it's origins in the introduction of "boiled" noodles into Sicily in the 8th century. There is reasonable evidence to believe that it was brought by Arab invaders (i.e. Mooselimbs). Earlier forms (like those supposedly brought back from China by Marco Polo) from the ancient world were "baked". In today's context these Islamic origins are to be treated with a high degree of suspicion. While there is no direct evidence that pasta can spontaneously blown itself up, certain forms of pasta exhibit what is known as a high glycemic index (GI) which can lead to diabetes, insulin shock, and death.

Pasta has become known as a "comfort" food, much like the salad bar Christians we often see here at Landover. Indeed, the proponents of this "pasta" deity proselytize a self indulgent philosophy that leads to carb "highs", insulin depression, obesity, and early death.

The "pasta" deity is silent on the fundamental issues of sacrifice and redemption, so much a part of the legacy handed down to our present civilization. Flying in the face of mankind's original sin comes an endless array of sauces, from al'olio to alla Carbonara, to make this effrontery palatable. Aside from the olive oil, where is the virgin birth, death and resurrection, and eternal life - not to mention a foundation of scripture and historical narrative? Its own sophistry produces a prescription for making us all fat, dumb and happy.

The Archaeological Museum of Heraklion has some very old exhibits of the ancient cult of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

Many 3500 year old vases clearly depict the beloved FSM, with His Allseeing Eyes and His Noodly Appendages.

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

Ummm...you dont use any onions in your sauce do you?...

LOTS of onions and the sacred garlic

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

It seems to me that a god (Ha! Does FSM even qualify for that title) that includes garlic will have presentational problems on a warm day in close company. Is this a test of faith?

Anyway, all this is quite unbelievable, real food is bread and cold fish – it really stretches a long way in the Right Hands!

[Jo Freddie]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

It seems to me that a god (Ha! Does FSM even qualify for that title) that includes garlic will have presentational problems on a warm day in close company. Is this a test of faith?

Anyway, all this is quite unbelievable, real food is bread and cold fish – it really stretches a long way in the Right Hands!

The Flying Spaghetti Monster created the world an everything in it 5000 years ago so how could it be anything but a God.

As for the Garlic question, the holy herb breaks down toxins in the body and it is the products of this break up that cause the oder, so if one if using the scared garlic every day then these by products are in small amounts hence no unpleasant oder

Fish no matter how often you eat it will always stink

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

Your cult sounds papist. They stink of garlic and slurp greasy noodles all day long.

What have you got against Jesus, who temporarily suffered and died on the cross for my sins?

[SUV]

Re: Evils of the Noodly Appendage!

Garlic? That's for....vampires!!!

Pastor, I am so Afraid of vampires! Has Anne Rice gone and de-Converted again?