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Now as we all know, astrology is of the devil and God frowns on it immensely.
Isaiah 47:13 Thou art wearied in the multitude of thy counsels. Let now the astrologers, the stargazers, the monthly prognosticators, stand up, and save thee from these things that shall come upon thee.
47:14 Behold, they shall be as stubble; the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame: there shall not be a coal to warm at, nor fire to sit before it.
Yet millions of unsaved trash revel in it, and the lieberal media loves printing horrorscopes in their yellow journalist rags daily, much to the delight of Satan and his Wicced minions.
Now I haven't run this by a pastor yet, and my husband (Mr. Whitford) gave me his consent to present this idea, but he said that I must forget such nonsense if any pastors disapprove. So here it is...
A True Christian™ haloscope! It's easy to remember as there are only two "signs", and there is only one prediction for each that remains as consistent as God's Word!
Sinner (Born Jan. 1 - Dec. 31): Jesus has ascended into Heaven but is on His way back. There is still time to make things right by renouncing your filthy ways and dropping to your knees to beg for God's forgiveness! If not, the fiery pain won't hurt any less after the first hundred years or the first billion centuries. HURRY AND REPENT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
Saved (Born Again Jan. 1 - Dec. 31): You have been cleansed of sin and are on your way to glory thanks to the Lord's grace. The path is narrow, but now that you're saved, you can not sin anymore so think of it as God's harness for you! Pray often and tithe heartily, as things are only going to get better and better for you! PRAISE!
There is one little bonus to this as well. Next time some witch asks you what your "sign" is, you can reply "Saved" just before you stone her! HALLELUJAH!
Isaiah 47:13 Thou art wearied in the multitude of thy counsels. Let now the astrologers, the stargazers, the monthly prognosticators, stand up, and save thee from these things that shall come upon thee.
47:14 Behold, they shall be as stubble; the fire shall burn them; they shall not deliver themselves from the power of the flame: there shall not be a coal to warm at, nor fire to sit before it.
Yet millions of unsaved trash revel in it, and the lieberal media loves printing horrorscopes in their yellow journalist rags daily, much to the delight of Satan and his Wicced minions.
Now I haven't run this by a pastor yet, and my husband (Mr. Whitford) gave me his consent to present this idea, but he said that I must forget such nonsense if any pastors disapprove. So here it is...
A True Christian™ haloscope! It's easy to remember as there are only two "signs", and there is only one prediction for each that remains as consistent as God's Word!
Sinner (Born Jan. 1 - Dec. 31): Jesus has ascended into Heaven but is on His way back. There is still time to make things right by renouncing your filthy ways and dropping to your knees to beg for God's forgiveness! If not, the fiery pain won't hurt any less after the first hundred years or the first billion centuries. HURRY AND REPENT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
Saved (Born Again Jan. 1 - Dec. 31): You have been cleansed of sin and are on your way to glory thanks to the Lord's grace. The path is narrow, but now that you're saved, you can not sin anymore so think of it as God's harness for you! Pray often and tithe heartily, as things are only going to get better and better for you! PRAISE!
There is one little bonus to this as well. Next time some witch asks you what your "sign" is, you can reply "Saved" just before you stone her! HALLELUJAH!
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