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  • Titus Templeton
    Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
    Jesus macht frei
    True Christian™
    • Aug 2010
    • 5912

    #1

    Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

    We all know Angelina Jolie is a satanist and now secular scientists have stolen her breasts. They told her she gets cancer when they don't get her breasts. Angelina Jolie has no idea that if God wants to kill her he can give her all kind of cancers he want....

    -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
    -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
    -Holocaust Jokes
    -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
    -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
    -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
    -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
    -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!
  • Barry
    Forum Member
    Forum Member
    • Nov 2010
    • 259

    #2
    Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

    What really pisses me off is, if Angelina Jolie had really been worried about breast cancer, she could have given me a call. I’m free most evenings and would have been delighted to give them a regular check for her.

    In fact, I might just take this opportune moment, to offer my services to all the ladies of Landover. Please girls, don't do what Angelina did. Any worries, bring your breasts to me. Cancer is one of those things, you shouldn't take chances with. So hurry girls, there's no time to loose and it's better to be safe than sorry.
    The Lord is my shepherd.

    Comment

    • Cranky Old Man
      Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
      You kids get off his lawn!
       
      • Jan 2010
      • 22373

      #3
      Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

      Someone should inform Angelina Jolie about the risks of cancer in the head...
      5 Reasons why GOD HATES WOMEN!
      To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
      James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."

      Comment

      • James Hutchins
        True Christian™
        Just a Regular Nice Guy
         
        • Jun 2009
        • 29453

        #4
        Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

        She did not need them, she buys her kids pre-milked on the 'black' market.
        Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
        Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
        Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
        Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
        Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
        Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

        Comment

        • lukasekman
          True Christian™
          True Christian™
          • Mar 2011
          • 614

          #5
          Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

          Yet another celebrity body part on the loose. While this is not as dangerous as the theft of Lady Gaga's penis, the U.S. Department of Family Values is sending investigation teams to suspect surgeons.

          sigpicCorporal Punishment Advisor, U.S. Department of Family Values
          Cyber-bullying Instructor, Christian Commission on Human Rights
          Apple CEO is gay - Important DFV security considerations
          Higgs field theory disproved - Universe is a cotton field
          Viagra forces man to have his penis amputated

          Comment

          • Holly Graham
            True Christian™
            • Apr 2013
            • 348

            #6
            Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

            Originally posted by Titus Templeton View Post
            We all know Angelina Jolie is a satanist and now secular scientists have stolen her breasts. They told her she gets cancer when they don't get her breasts. Angelina Jolie has no idea that if God wants to kill her he can give her all kind of cancers he want....

            http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/enter...reasts-removed
            Angelina is bisexual. She volunteered to have her breasts removed.

            Instead of "the cancer," She obviously just wants to be a man, to have gay sex with Brad Pitt, who looks queer to me, too. (Leviticus 18:22)

            This is just SICK.

            Comment

            • Titus Templeton
              Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
              Jesus macht frei
              True Christian™
              • Aug 2010
              • 5912

              #7
              Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

              I would rather let my wife die of cancer then let them removed.
              -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
              -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
              -Holocaust Jokes
              -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
              -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
              -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
              -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
              -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

              Comment

              • WWJDnow
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Aug 2009
                • 6313

                #8
                Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                If she hadn't played the whore of Babylon on screen, God never would have punished her with this "defective gene."
                The Christian Right: The Only Right Way to Be a Christian!

                Comment

                • Barry
                  Forum Member
                  Forum Member
                  • Nov 2010
                  • 259

                  #9
                  Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                  Angelina Jolie is just like one of those attention craving, self harming, emo sluts. In a spiteful, malicious act of self loathing and destruction, she has desecrated God’s holy gift of life and ignored his command to keep your body as a temple.

                  1 Corinthians 6:19-20 19 Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; 20 you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

                  In an act most surely designed to deliberately provoke his anger, Jolie dishonoured her body and therefore, dishonoured God. Her tits are on the Hell Train, I wonder how long it will be until God gives her the cancer and sends her to join them?
                  The Lord is my shepherd.

                  Comment

                  • Pastor Ezekiel
                    Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                     
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 78556

                    #10
                    Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                    Who is Angelina Jolie?
                    Who Will Jesus Damn?

                    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                    Comment

                    • WilliamJenningsBryan
                      True Christian™
                       
                      • Jan 2007
                      • 9384

                      #11
                      Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                      I always though that Angelina Jolie had lip cancer. It touched off a fashion craze among women to imitate the "lip cancer" look.

                      The craze spawned all kinds of "lip plumper" products:

                      Lip Plumping Technology Guaranteed To Make Your Lips Fuller And Sexier, Instantly.
                      No injections, no pain, no nonsense tingling cream.

                      Most beauty experts agree that plump lips are the most important feature for a young and attractive look. CosmeSearch, Inc, a leader in innovative beauty products, has invented a new lip plumping and enhancing system. Here is how it works: Micro Collagen Plumping Balm will penetrate and hydrate the lips. The Plumping Device gently activates molecules, dramatically increases lip size by plumping up lips naturally. Fuller lips don't have to cost a fortune.

                      Shop Secret Lift and Secret Lift Pro instant face and neck lifting solutions. Whether you're looking for face or neck lift tapes, we've got you covered. Lift in seconds. All day confidence.
                      Freehold husbands should check their wives belongings for such crap and if you find them you should cut their allowances.
                      Hell's foundations quiver at the shout of praise;
                      brothers, lift your voices, loud your anthems raise.
                      ...and get off my lawn
                      sigpic

                      Comment

                      • Titus Templeton
                        Director of the German "Holy-caust" Evangelical Crusade
                        Jesus macht frei
                        True Christian™
                        • Aug 2010
                        • 5912

                        #12
                        Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                        Originally posted by WilliamJenningsBryan View Post
                        I always though that Angelina Jolie had lip cancer. It touched off a fashion craze among women to imitate the "lip cancer" look.

                        The craze spawned all kinds of "lip plumper" products:



                        Freehold husbands should check their wives belongings for such crap and if you find them you should cut their allowances.
                        I'm wondering how long it takes until we see the first homosexual with that kind of lips.
                        -The Parable of the white laundry and the black man
                        -Scientific proof that GAY SEX IS UNHYGIENIC!
                        -Holocaust Jokes
                        -Diarrhea: The Va​ginal Lubrication of the Homosexuals
                        -Anne Frank vs. Adolf Hitler: Who was the worse person?
                        -10 Reasons why GOD HATES FRANCE!
                        -5 Reasons why GOD HATES LEAGUE OF LEGENDS!
                        -Today I am declaring War against Woman's Rights!

                        Comment

                        • Barry
                          Forum Member
                          Forum Member
                          • Nov 2010
                          • 259

                          #13
                          Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          Who is Angelina Jolie?
                          Exactly! This is just another example of the crazy messed up world we live in. I don't want to get cancer either but you don't get me parading around on the TV announcing to the world I'm flat chested.
                          The Lord is my shepherd.

                          Comment

                          • Anti Atheist
                            Unsaved trash
                            • May 2013
                            • 6

                            #14
                            Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                            I hope those godless doctors put her breasts on eBay. My wife, bless her heart has rather small breasts and I would love to be able to buy these for her. I would rather purchase these as a set but I would be willing to settle for just one.
                            If anyone hears anything please let me know.

                            Comment

                            • Brother Harold Porter
                              Landover Senior Outreach
                              Touching Men, Women and Children with the Good News!
                              True Christian™
                              • Jun 2010
                              • 8236

                              #15
                              Re: Secular Doctors steal Angelina Jolies Breasts!

                              Originally posted by Anti Atheist View Post
                              I hope those godless doctors put her breasts on eBay. My wife, bless her heart has rather small breasts and I would love to be able to buy these for her. I would rather purchase these as a set but I would be willing to settle for just one.
                              If anyone hears anything please let me know.
                              Never mind the smutty sex talk, my friend. Kindly introduce yourself here. Tell us all about yourself, your most cherised KJV1611 Holy Bible verse, the church you attend and what filthy sin dropped you to your knees in front of Jesus.

                              In Christ
                              Matthew 19:14 "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."

                              sigpic

                              Comment

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