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  • Witch Hammer
    True Christian™
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 1717
    #1

    Texting & Driving is OK, as long as Jesus is your Co-Pilot

    I do it all the time, and whenever Jesus takes the wheel, I am ultimately rewarded by the gratifying crunch of something being crushed beneath my tires...cats, I presume. Nothing beats cruising with the Savior, pounding a few beers, sending out text messages to my BiC. Good times, I tell you...good times. I've got nothing to worry about! Proverbs 2:8
    Tags: None
    • Redeemed Papist
      Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light(c)
      True Christian™
      • Jul 2011
      • 10409
      #2
      Re: Texting & Driving is OK, as long as Jesus is your Co-Pilot

      I glory in the fact God is using me as his instrument, should my car ever leave the road and plough into a line of Godless pedestrians. Gay marriage has a lot to answer for!
      sigpic
      Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

      John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

      Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
      The truth about volcanos
      Sex and debauchery in public schools
      Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
      God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
      Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

        Comment

        • John Creeser
          Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
           
          • Aug 2009
          • 7248
          #3
          Re: Texting & Driving is OK, as long as Jesus is your Co-Pilot

          Here is the thing, the world has changed and we do a lot of ministering via email and text messaging. I don't have time to pull over while talking someone out of masterbating!

          Have you guys learned to stear with your knees? I highly suggest it, it free's up both your hands.
          -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
          -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

          -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
          -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
          -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
          -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
          -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

          STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!

            Comment

            • Pastor Ezekiel
              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
               
              • Sep 2006
              • 78556
              #4
              Re: Texting & Driving is OK, as long as Jesus is your Co-Pilot

              I have my 14 year old Indonesian houseboy do my driving. Or sometimes I just put it on autopilot and have the boy assist me in the back seats.
              Who Will Jesus Damn?

              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                Comment

                • The new guy
                  Confirmed Enemy of God
                  • Aug 2015
                  • 12
                  #5
                  Re: Texting & Driving is OK, as long as Jesus is your Co-Pilot

                  Originally posted by John Creeser View Post
                  Here is the thing, the world has changed and we do a lot of ministering via email and text messaging. I don't have time to pull over while talking someone out of masterbating!

                  Have you guys learned to stear with your knees? I highly suggest it, it free's up both your hands.
                  Pretty sure that only works if you have really long shins. Which you don't.

                    Comment

                    • Didymus Much
                      Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
                      • Jun 2010
                      • 14079
                      #6
                      Re: Texting & Driving is OK, as long as Jesus is your Co-Pilot

                      Originally posted by The new guy View Post
                      Pretty sure that only works if you have really long shins. Which you don't.
                      OK, genius, prove it.

                        Comment

                        • Alvin Moss
                          Serving Jesus
                          True Christian™
                          • Aug 2013
                          • 4468
                          #7
                          Re: Texting & Driving is OK, as long as Jesus is your Co-Pilot

                          Originally posted by The new guy View Post
                          Pretty sure that only works if you have really long shins. Which you don't.

                          I am beginning to sense a bad attitude here.


                          Salvation floats just beyond your finger tips, friend. Now is the time to decide if you will reach out and get it, or keep on travelling the road to Hell.
                          You are at serious risk, though I don't think you can see it. Get right with Jesus, friend. It's that or Hell. Don't go there; it's too hot.
                          God judgeth the righteous, And God is angry with the wicked every day- Psalm 7:11

                            Comment

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