[Dwayne DeKalb]

Re: Policing Freehold

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 28, 2009

Every once in a while I take a swing through the old Landover train yard. You find a lot of drug and gang activity out there.

Well, it was after dark so I had my spotlight on, when it swept across three figures standing near an old box car. I rolled up to them and jumped out of my cruiser ready for action.

The picture was pretty clear to me: Three white teenagers with cans of spray paint, freshly sprayed white power symbols and slogans, and three young, scared faces.

I didn't recognize the kids, but already knew what they were up to.

Painted on the side of the car were images of black-faced 'gangstas' hanging from trees captioned with "die nigger, die!", flaming crosses, Swastikas and stylized Confederate flags.

As I stood there looking at their artwork and looking at their fearful faces, I realized I was dealing with some very angry young men. But then I thought to myself, "Who among us isn't angry?" Aren't we all confused and angry about the takeover of America by Latinos and blacks? Aren't we all backed into a corner, with our numbers dwindling and tax dollars being handed out to unemployed coloreds and Mexicans?

I'm not sure how many minutes passed, but nobody said anything. There was no need for words. I just got back in the cruiser and drove off.

How could I punish somebody for being proud of their heritage?

OH my God!!!! Those youths do need help and they have a right to be angry, angry at pigs like you! They are trapped at Landover maximum Security gated community, not allowed to even dance, let alone leave the 'community" and go out into the real world!

They need to go to sensitivity training and you officer, need to go to prison for turning a blind eye to hate crimes!

I can't believe I used to be part of your cult. Boys, if you read this, i can help you! We have a shelter for youth escaping religious cults. We will be on Larry King soon, so keep an eye out!
Or e-mail me at
escapefromhell@AOL.com

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

OH my God!!!! Those youths do need help and they have a right to be angry, angry at pigs like you! They are trapped at Landover maximum Security gated community, not allowed to even dance, let alone leave the 'community" and go out into the real world!

Why would anyone want to leave the Landover Maximum Security Gated Community? It's a small paradise on Earth. Of course, down here in Texas it's pretty close to paradise too. We got more racial harmony than you can shake your pecker at - or at least we will as soon as we deport all the Negroes and Mexiricans.

They need to go to sensitivity training and you officer, need to go to prison for turning a blind eye to hate crimes!

Hah, hah! Now this is surely a case of the pot calling the kettle "black." Here you are whining about hate crimes, while at the same time you are spouting hate talk against good white Christian police officers - a persecuted minority group. Didn't Osambo just sign a law against that kind of talk? You'd better watch your step Dwayne, or you gonna find yourself breaking rocks in Fort Leavenbread next to other hate criminals like Reverend Jeremiah Wright and Bill Ayers.

I can't believe I used to be part of your cult.

Now Dwayne, you'd better get your facts straight. The Landover Baptist Church is not a cult. A cult, by definition, is just a small group of fanatics holding a false belief. Like Muslims, for example. We Christians here at LBC speak The Truth, as God stated it in the King James Bible. You ought to know better than to call us a cult.

I'll pray for you, though it probably won't do any good. Just remember, if you don't get right with our loving God, he's gonna fry you for all eternity.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, I want to report a crime to you. This morning I woke up to $100 missing from my wallet and I think one of my maids stole it. Now last night, I admit, I got slightly carried away with the Glenlivet 25 Year-Old and blacked out, but I might've remembered driving in my car to the Song of Solomon Gentleman's Club in downtown Freehold, and I kinda have a flash of memory or two of Savannah dancing for me in the private room...but I was very, very drunk, so my memory can't be trusted. It could've been a hallucination because of the excess Scotch.

Anyways, I think my maid Rosarita stole the money. My wife insists that Rosarita went home at 10:00 pm (I made her stay extra hours and docked her pay for for doing substandard work on the laundry folding), but you know how those Mexicans are. They'll sneak into your closets until you go to bed and then they'll pounce. I am 110% sure Rosarita took my money.

Please look into this matter. These Mexicans are getting underpaid so they'll do anything to steal money. It's sad to see the day when greedy Mexicans steal from Godly and morally upright pastors like me. Thanks for your help.

-Rev. Jim

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

death panels to euthanize grandma

You mean Kill someone who might be someone's old Grandmaw?

Killing is only desirable when it is in the King James Version (1611) of the Holy Bible!!!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, I want to report a crime to you. This morning I woke up to $100 missing from my wallet and I think one of my maids stole it. Now last night, I admit, I got slightly carried away with the Glenlivet 25 Year-Old and blacked out, but I might've remembered driving in my car to the Song of Solomon Gentleman's Club in downtown Freehold, and I kinda have a flash of memory or two of Savannah dancing for me in the private room...but I was very, very drunk, so my memory can't be trusted. It could've been a hallucination because of the excess Scotch.

Anyways, I think my maid Rosarita stole the money. My wife insists that Rosarita went home at 10:00 pm (I made her stay extra hours and docked her pay for for doing substandard work on the laundry folding), but you know how those Mexicans are. They'll sneak into your closets until you go to bed and then they'll pounce. I am 110% sure Rosarita took my money.

Please look into this matter. These Mexicans are getting underpaid so they'll do anything to steal money. It's sad to see the day when greedy Mexicans steal from Godly and morally upright pastors like me. Thanks for your help.

-Rev. Jim

Rev. Jim, it's always the same old story. These filthy Mexican animals will steal from you every chance they get. If you like, you can haul Rosarita into the FPD for me to question, and we can take turns interrogating her. If you want to bring a friend, that's fine too.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Policing Freehold

Ofc Richards, I hope that you'll be doubly careful tonight, it being satan's birthday and all. God's favorite church is always a target for witches, goths and assorted perverts on this particular night. I assume you got the shipment of Chick Tracts we sent over, so you should be able to save a few souls.

By the way I checked into that question you had the other day about the witch hunt. I'm sorry to tell you that under the rules of the hunt, any witches you bag while on duty won't count as part of your total. Killing witches is part of your job, so it just wouldn't be fair.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 31, 2009

Well I hope after last night you all can understand and appreciate the kind of dangers that a True Christian Officer of the Law has to face.

I was shocked at the number of kids in this city who blatantly disregard laws we have against soliciting people for candy while wearing costumes.

Many of you called to report that you were hearing sirens zooming by all evening long. That's because I was all over this city beating the devil at his own game!

Armies of darkness descended upon Freehold last night and I was there on the front lines, fighting for the Light of God. I confiscated so much candy that it's going to take a month for me and Vicky to eat it all. I used so much pepper spray I had to go back to the Department twice to get more.

I sure am sore this morning. Chasing, wrestling, kicking, screaming, tazing, spraying, body-slamming... I did it all last night. Ten-year-olds under the influence of satan know how to put up a fight but they didn't call me Don "the sledge hammer" Richards in police academy for nothing.

Reverend Jim, you may have noticed a ballerina walking up your steps with a trick or treat sack, ready for candy. I have no idea how she got over your fence, let alone past the security gates on your street, but thank God I was there to protect you. It's a shame she had to take off running through your flowerbed like that, but rest assured she was charged with evading an Officer of the Law, and had a nasty run-in with the business end of my flashlight.

[Roadwarriorforchrist]

Re: Policing Freehold

Glad you made it through the night safely, and thank God you were there for Freehold. I had to load up my rock salt shells in my old 10 gauge, the 12 wasn't putting out enough punch to the far sides of my property lines. Hopefully I can afford to move to Freehold before I have to go through that again next year.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Richards, I know you had your hands full last night and so I did not want to call. Being blessed by the good Lord with a large family and a multitude of persons in servitude, we collected quite a few of these miscreants and have them secreted in one of the outbuildings. I suggest bring a prison bus or similar sized secure vehicle for their removal. As of bed time last night, there were close to fifty still alive, as far as I could tell from a distance. They must all be Satan's henchmen as they all appear to be squealing midgets.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Many of you called to report that you were hearing sirens zooming by all evening long.

I ignored them as a favor for you ignoring the Bullets flying from the door of my Christian manse. Quid pro quo, Officer!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 2, 2009

Tonight I faced a situation that most True Christians could only tremble in fear of.

I was on patrol down in the southeast corner again tonight, down by Mt. Herschel cemetery. As you know, it's illegal to be in the cemetery after dark, so when I saw a shadowy figure moving between headstones, I sprang into action.

I whipped out the trusty Maglite, hopped the fence with ease, and drew my tazer in the other hand.

"FREEHOLD POLICE DEPARTMENT, LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS!" I screamed.

The bloodcurdling shriek that emanated from the dark figure sent chills up my spine as she spun around to face me. I already had a bad feeling about this person, but once the creature's face lit up in the beam of my flashlight, I knew what I was dealing with.

Her face was ghostly white. Thick, black makeup surrounded her eyes, and they seemed to glow in the dark because of the stark contrast between white and black on her face. Her hair was jet black, and greasy. Her lips were smeared over with black lipstick and I saw the glint of at least two nose piercings. And boy was she fat!

The only thing I could say was "WIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTCHH!!!!!!" I fired my tazer without even thinking, it was just an involuntary reaction to seeing something that scary.

She flew to the ground and let out another one of those terrifying screams. Suddenly I heard the sound of a small barking dog and I realized she had a leash clutched in her hand, with a really stupid looking wiener dog attached to the other end.

I lunged on her the way a bowling ball strikes its pin, and within seconds I had her cuffed to a nearby sapling. I secured the dog leash to her leg and began a search.

The first thing I noticed was her jewelry. She was definitely a witch, she had all kinds of pagan necklaces on and stuff. In her purse I recovered a cigarette lighter, doggy treats, a nail file and a hand mirror.

It was now entirely clear to me that I had arrived just in time to prevent a satanic sacrifice ritual. She must have stolen a leash, kidnapped a dog by luring it with doggy treats, and brought it here to the cemetery to slit its throat with her nail file and burn its body with the cigarette lighter to summon a demon (or even Lucifer himself!!) into her hand mirror, which she was probably going to take into a True Christian church and open it to unleash the armies of darkness on True Christian churchgoers!

She started screaming again so kicked her in the shin and asked her what she was doing out here in the graveyard after dark with occult paraphernalia. Of course she played stupid and just said she was walking her dog and it got dark faster than she thought it would. Yeah right. I pulled out my pocket Bible and flipped to Leviticus 19:31 and read aloud, Regard not them that have familiar spirits, neither seek after wizards, to be defiled by them: I am the LORD your God.

Then to Exodus 22:18: Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

I drew my Colt .45, cocked it and put the barrel to her forehead. "In a truly Christian nation I could put a bullet in your satanic brain and be given a medal for doing it. God says your kind should die. Lucky for you the liberals got to the legislature before I got to you." I eased the hammer back into place, holstered my gun again and threw her in the back of the patrol car.

I called animal control and told them I left the dog tied to a tree in a cemetery and it would probably have to be put down because it was likely possessed.

That's one less witch who'll be roaming the cemeteries of Freehold seeking to conjure demons to destroy our church!

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 5, 2009

I'll tell you what, it's absolutely ridiculous the lengths people will go to in order to avoid the long arm of the law.

This morning I was patrolling Main Street, and I rolled up on this black guy walking down the side walk. It so happens that I spotted him just in time to see him throwing something away in a garbage can on the corner. Apparently there was something in his possession he didn't want to get caught with.

Well, I lit him up with my lights and hopped out of the car.

"What did you just throw away there?" I asked.

"Jus' uh Egg McMuffin wrappuh" he said in that silly jive talk they have.

"Don't give me that old line" I said. I didn't have any gloves, and I didn't want to dig in the trash with my night stick, so I told him to fish out his Egg McMuffin "wrappuh" to prove his innocence.

He protested, but I threatened him with pepper spray. So he reached into the garbage can and produced an Egg McMuffin wrapper. Well it was pretty obvious that the wrapper must have been there before I stopped him, and he saw it and knew he could use it to his advantage.

"That wrapper was already in there wasn't it" I challenged.

He said it was his and he could prove that he had just thrown it away because it was still warm.

"That's because you're warming it up with your hand" I countered.

At this point I had enough games and told him he had better start digging until I had seen every scrap of paper, piece of discarded food, and soiled baby diaper inside that trash can, and then if there was no crack pipe or marijuana, he could go free.

He outright refused at this point, but when I threatened to arrest him for obstruction of justice and destruction of evidence, he decided to listen to the voice of reason and began removing garbage from the can and laying it out on the sidewalk for me to see.

Boy, did he get some funny looks from people passing by!

Dumpster diving is probably part of most black folks' daily routine, what with their attraction to shiny objects and whatnot. In about ten minutes he had totally emptied the trash can and organized the garbage on the sidewalk for me to see.

Well, it turns out there was no crack pipe or drugs in the garbage can, but no harm done. I told the negro to pick all the trash back up and put it in the can or I'd fine him for littering. After he was finished he said I had "made him late for work," but I seriously doubt he actually had a job. That was probably an Egg McMuffin purchased with our tax dollars on welfare.

Over and out.

[H. Montague Worthington]

Re: Policing Freehold

Thank you so much, Officer Don, for keeping Freehold safe!! We WANT you on that wall, we NEED you on that wall!!

I realize that you are bound by many so-called "laws" that aren't actually in the Constitution that have been legislated from the bench by activist LIEberal judges, but isn't there something you can do to keep the Nigras on the East Side (I'm thinking about Watermelon Town and Steppinfetchitville) from spending so much time on their porches, in their yards, and walking back and forth from the liquor stores? Why are those people allowed to be out in public so much? You'd think they'd be ashamed to be walking around with all that shameful excess skin pigment!! It makes my wife Delores very nervous to see them on the sidewalk when we are driving home from church.

Thanks in advance, Officer Don. We know that you'll use True Christian judgment and wisdom to take care of this problem.

[Nobar King]

Re: Policing Freehold

Isn't there something you can do to keep the Nigras on the East Side (I'm thinking about Watermelon Town and Steppinfetchitville) from spending so much time on their porches, in their yards, and walking back and forth from the liquor stores?

Are you referring to these dudes?

I keep seeing them around and wonder why Ofc. Richards hasn't done anything about them, yet.

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

"wrappuh" .

Bless You, Ofc. Don!

Personally, I wouldn't have been surprised to see that he had put a "rapper" in the trash. You know what a high rate of crime these "people" have, even against one another.