[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, is there any way you could hook up your patrol car's computer to find out the license plate numbers of registered Democrats? That would give you a fertile field for revenue raising.

Officially, no. But that's not to say we don't have a list of names on a clipboard in the locker room.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Can you track down this Kia? I'm sure the driver is up to no good.

Anyone driving an unpatriotic foreign car should be stopped and heavily fined. And tasered if they give our police officers any lip.

Ditto for any cars with "Obama" bumper stickers.

Officer Don, is there any way you could hook up your patrol car's computer to find out the license plate numbers of registered Democrats? That would give you a fertile field for revenue raising.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Can you track down this Kia? I'm sure the driver is up to no good.

Consider me on it. I will ask about it in briefing tomorrow.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Richards, any word on that mysterious Kia I posted about earlier? It was gone for the past few days, but don't you know, I was at a stoplight at Exodus and Third when I saw it fly through a green light! Not only is this strange Kia driving around a neighborhood it doesn't belong in, he is also a menace on the roads. The speed limit is 35 at that intersection, but the Kia was traveling at least 45! What if Sister Jenny stepped off the curb with groceries? She would've been killed!

Can you track down this Kia? I'm sure the driver is up to no good.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Responded to a call placed by a paranoid liberal regarding a small, private medical practice on the south side of Freehold run in accordance to Matthew 5:30.
And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell.
Apparently, the proprietor is a retired veterinarian who has found the Lord and wants to help people who are struggling with various sins. His personal testimony was so moving I forgot to ask if he had any valid licenses to be operating on humans, but with so much of the Lord our Creator in him, how could he put anybody at risk?

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

I take my hat of to the entire Freehold PD. Freehold has the lowest crime rate of any city in the US according to the FBI's uniform crime report.

You know, Brother Patriot, that got me to thinking about that movie Minority Report. It's set in year 2054 where they got these three "pre-cogs" who can predict when a murder is about to happen, so the pre-crime police go arrest the bad guy before the crime gets committed. So the murder rate goes to zero.

So how can we apply that to Freehold? Well, you gotta get three wise men who can predict the future. I'd volunteer to be one of them. Maybe George Bush and Dick Cheney would be willing to come out of retirement to be the other two. After all, they prevented another 9/11 by rounding up terrorists and incarcerating them in Guantánamo before they could commit any crimes. That just goes to show that this pre-crime arrest idea really works.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[TC Patriot]

Re: Policing Freehold

I take my hat of to the entire Freehold PD. Freehold has the lowest crime rate of any city in the US according to the FBI's uniform crime report.

Freehold's finest are America's the finest!

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don,

A word about them illegal aliens...

Now, I know you can't arrest every beaner in town. Obviously, the good white citizens of Freehold need gardeners, maids, nannies, etc, and Americans these days are unwilling to do these kinds of dirty jobs for $2/day. So yeah, we're stuck with these foreign-born low-lifes.

But what really worries me is that these Hispanos multiply like rabbits, and unfortunately if they give birth in the great US of A, their little rug rats automatically become American citizens! Needless to say, these new "Americans" live on welfare, food stamps and cocaine, and practice hedonistic religions like Islam.

So that's where you come in, Officer Don. I suggest you park your patrol car just outside the Freehold Hospital. Whenever one of those pregnant beaner women show up to give birth, you immediately arrest her on an immigration violation and have her deported.

Of course, some of them are going to show you a "green card," but you know those are phony and were bought on a street corner in Tijuana. After all, real Americans don't have green cards, we got a driver's license. So I suggest you confiscate the fake ID, cuff the whore, and drive her straight to Freehold Airport to be deported to Mexico. If she gives you any lip, that's what the taser is for. It's important that you get her into the airplane and off the ground before she gives birth to the little beaner rug rat, or else it will be too late and we're gonna have yet another brown-skinned "US citizen" to support.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

P.S. Almost forgot - you can deport the pregnant negro women too. Like Obama, they're all illegals from Africa, even if they got a phony "certificate of live birth" from Hawaii.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Richards,

I'm a bit suspicious about a car in my neighborhood. I'm in Apostle's Grove, and as you know, it is the richest, most exclusive neighborhood in Freehold, and that's saying something since Freehold is pretty upper-class anyway. We at Apostle's Grove all drive high-end luxury automobiles. I'll be cruising down Revelations Road in my Mercedes Benz SL65 AMG and will pass Pastor Zeke in his customized Cadillac Escalade EXT and wave "Hi" to him.

Well, get this, not once but twice the other day I saw some late '90's model Kia Sephia rolling through. I wondered just how the heck they could get through the security gates, but as an Officer of the Law, I'm sure you know all about how reliable rent-a-cop security guards can be. I didn't get a good look at the driver, and while I couldn't confirm they were an alien ethnicity, their complexion was definitely swarthy. More swarthy than normal in Freehold, and especially Apostle's Grove.

I didn't get a good look at the license plate except it starts with PM5. Although the car shouldn't be too hard to find. Late 90's Kia Sephia, 4 doors, faded red color. Can you look into finding this person? I'm afraid there might be a home invasion robbery, or worse, a terrorist attack in our near future!

Thank you,
Rev. Jim

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Policing Freehold

Many thanks, most satisfying. Call round for coffee and donuts tomorrow morning.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Nobar, thanks for the information. I'll drive through the neighborhood and see if I can catch them. Construction workers are known to be rowdy and violent, so I'll make sure my tazer has a full charge. Keep a look out the window, you might see some action.

Ezekiel, from time to time unsaved boys will cruise the streets with their radios too loud. Not only does this disturb the decent tax-paying citizens of Freehold, but it also damages the boys' hearing which they will need when they are on the police force or military. I combat this anti-social behavior with big, fat tickets for disturbing the peace.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Policing Freehold

There are young men driving around with what I assume to be their radios clearly audible outside their vehicle - can you sort this out please?

I have not personally heard this but friends in Long Island say it is common so it must be happening in Freehold and I would rather it were not.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Metatron, the Freehold PD's secret for keeping an orderly and safe town is the King James Bible 1611 and prayer right before our morning briefing session. These are the kinds of things that should make you proud to pay taxes.

[Nobar King]

Re: Policing Freehold

Attn. Ofc. Richards:

I called the DPW to ask about a right-of-way issue, but they only fix stuff and they suggested that I call the police about my matter. There is a house that is being renovated in my neighborhood and the builders are piling their debris on the sidewalk. Eventually they truck it away, but the next day there is more debris.

Everyone else who does construction either has a debris box or they pile their debris on the owner's property until it's removed. I'm starting to get annoyed at this eyesore and I'd appreciate it if you would drive by and alert the builders or the owner about the municipal code requiring streets and sidewalks to be kept clear of debris or merchandise. I'll send you the address via PM in case the owner is a member of this forum.

Thanks!

Your friend,

Nobar King

[Oakland "Reb" Griner]

Re: Policing Freehold

Ofc. Richards, it sure is a privilege having you posting here. I really appreciate reading of the nitty gritty work you do in keeping Freehold safe for everyone.

I recall some years ago living in a small city in Illinois, and I was talking to an officer and I asked him what the secret was there in keeping such an orderly town. He told me the jail facility had 2 elevators, the one in the back of the building being a large and commodious freight style machine. He told me the few miscreants in town had a mortal terror of that old freight elevator and would sign a confession admitting anything before they would willingly take a ride on that elevator. He said what ever incident happened to generate such terror in that town regarding that elevator had happened long before his tenure on the towns' police force, but, whatever it was, it sure must have been terrible. He said just reminding teens in town that appeared to be thinking about starting a little trouble about that old elevator would make them turn turn tail and run home to mommy !!

I am just curious, does Freehold have any similar lore or legend making your job easier ??