[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Why, Bless the both of you! Bless your pea-pickin' little hearts!!!

I shall have to ponder the questions you both asked of me until tomorrow. Right now it is time for my Beauty Rest

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

This is an Official Announcement from the FPD that I am re-posting here:

The FPD has received a number of complaints from female motorists saying they were unfairly detained, searched and "handled" during routine traffic stops. We take all complaints very seriously and stand by our pledge to swiftly investigate and punish any wrong doings on the part of our Officers of the Law.

Our thorough investigation into these allegations of "molestation" and "vigorous groping" have turned up no evidence that such "violations of personal dignity and human rights" have taken place. Our findings revealed that all reports of "indecent behavior" on the part of our Officers were filed by female motorists who had previously been fined for traffic violations and were likely acting out of spite.

We would like to remind the general public that security can never be too tight in a post 9/11 world and all searches of your vehicles, persons, and property are always conducted with the highest degree of concern for public safety.

The FPD prides itself on being one of the most professional and highly trained forces in the state of Iowa, and we will continue to serve our community with pride and valor.

And Sister SUV, I will of course be happy to come by tomorrow night and lend a hand around the house. Let me know if there are any special tools you want me to bring.

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

Why Sister SUV, I had no idea you were in such a predicament! Of course I will send my wonderful husband over right away. My True Christian virtues compel me to share the solid protection of his watchful eye. I hope the evening doesn't turn out to be too climactic for him, as he is terribly grumpy when he comes home tired. It is a penetrating presence he has though, and I'm sure you will feel safe while he's around.

Are you sure you don't need me to come along as well?

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Then again, I'm a sucker for donuts!

Who ain't, Sister Victory Over Sex - except maybe for some toofoo-Eating athian?

However, I wonder if seeing them in my dreams with all those sinfully bright-colored SPRINKLES all over them has got me a little agitated as of late. Particularly since your Husband Officer is also in these dreams and also, yes, Shooting off his Gun.

Now! I understand that Police Officers often "moonlight." I am wondering, would it be too much to ask of you to send that Darlin' hunk of Criminal Justice of yours over at the next full moon? (Why "moonlight" is necessary for the doing of odd jobs, I have no foggy clew.)

You see, I suspect the neighbors of having one of those condom-ent dispensing machines in their Home - quite possibly of the very type that Our Hero recently subdued in the Mens Room at the Donut Shop!

(I feel he should be awarded the "PatrolMan Mancuso" medal for for this. As you may have heard, Mancuso went undercover in a Mens Room at a Greyhound bus terminal [possibly while dressed as a ballerina] in an attempt to bring in a "suspicious character")

So if he would please just come over and check this out. He needs to come to my Home first, of course. I'm not Sure as to why - I'm just Sure. (I suppose it's a CHRISTIAN sort of thing.) And Sister, you do know that it is a Christian Virtue to Share. JESUS would be Almighty all-fired put-out if He knew that some of were not, now wouldn't He?

I've already taken the Liberty of assuming your assent and got in a few boxes of Refreshments - of the "Holey" type, one may even say

And since the Police have something of a reputation for beer-drinking, I have some of that, too. Oh, I'm Sure (yet again!) that your Husband does not indulge, so I sought to get the kind with no alkyhol. However I was in a bit of a hurry, so I might have grabbed a few packs of tallBoys that do have some alkyharlic content. PLEASE BE SURE TO INFORM HIM OF THIS. (We can always pour the other stuff down the drain).

Yams In Cream,

SUV

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

You make a good point, SUV. However in my eyes, even if a donut doesn't have sprinkles or a delicious jelly filling, it's still a donut. Then again, I'm a sucker for donuts!

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I think I might venture a guess about the Donut thing. If they're SPRINKLES or Jellies, it's a good thing

If they're plain, then The Good Lord® is Angry with us and we're fixin' to be poop-out-of-luck the next day

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

Maybe I should ask one of the pastors...

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

A few nights ago I had a really strange dream where he was begging me to shoot his gun but I couldn't stop eating donuts long enough. I wonder what that was all about!

My GOD, Sister, if you get one of those dream books you can find out! That's got to be covered in there!

Isn't it amazing that if we dream of JESUS and so does some God-Damned athian....the dream means exactly the same thing?

If you find out what your dream meant, please let us all know. I imagine that many of we Christian Ladies have this same sort of dream

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

Well sister, I really don't know much about guns. He can fit his in his pocket, if that's what you mean. I think it's a small caliber. Aren't the smaller caliber guns supposed to be better? I really don't know.

I don't handle his gun much. It seems too dangerous and scary. I'm always afraid it will go off when I'm not expecting it. Nobody wants to shoot their eye out. So I just leave it alone and let him clean it and take care of it himself. After all I'm just a woman.

A few nights ago I had a really strange dream where he was begging me to shoot his gun but I couldn't stop eating donuts long enough. I wonder what that was all about!

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Sister Victory, can I ask....I mean, I really just have to ask, I just feel compelled to.....Forgive me, please....

Does the Officer have a REALLY BIG GUN?

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

Sister Victory, you must be very proud of your Valorous & Vigilant Officer-of-the-Law Husband!

I have a feeling that no matter how many balls there are at the bo he will always maintain his Honor!!!

You are absolutely right, Sister SUV! We are all lucky to have him here for protection, but I'm extra special lucky to have his guidance and discipline to keep my foundation strong. At the beginning and end of each day, and frequently several times during the day, I say a little prayer to thank Jesus for sending me my brave handsome knight!

[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

I'm just glad that my fine upstanding husband was here to protect Freehold against the threat of terrorism yesterday, the anniversary of 9/11. We must never forget that everything changed that day. Thank you, dear, for protecting us all from the towel heads.

Sister Victory, you must be very proud of your Valorous & Vigilant Officer-of-the-Law Husband!

I have a feeling that no matter how many balls there are at the bo he will always maintain his Honor!!!

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

I'm just glad that my fine upstanding husband was here to protect Freehold against the threat of terrorism yesterday, the anniversary of 9/11. We must never forget that everything changed that day. Thank you, dear, for protecting us all from the towel heads.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, you always outdo yourself each time! I think Brother Buford's idea of a camera following you around is a good idea because it will show America how real policework is done! You have no idea how it boils my blood and makes me literally throw my custom-made Italian loafers at the TV when I'm watching "Cops" and there's some toothless negro transvestite prostitute sassing at the cops and these sissified pansies in uniform are all calm and like "Okay, ma'am, take it easy. We're here to listen..."

You know, it's guys like this that make cops look bad. They reinforce stereotypes that cops are politically-correct liberal sissies. A good cop will shoot first and ask questions later. He's not a lawyer. Let the prosecuter ask the questions.

I commend you Officer on your hard work. Let it be known your tireless efforts to keep our fine town free from crime have not gone unnoticed.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Wow, Officer Don, this is the most exciting story we've yet heard on your campaign to clean up the streets of Freehold! I'm beginning to think that maybe you need a camerman and a Hollywood agent to record these feats for your own show. You know, something like 24, Reno 911 and The_PTL_Club combined.

I must say, though, that was really dangerous what you did. First, climbing up onto that toilet seat to aim your taser - you might have slipped and fallen in, especially after being weighed down by so many donuts. And secondly, I assume you had to touch that faggot to get the cuffs on him - I do hope you were wearing gloves, as he was almost certainly infected with AIDS.

Again, congratulations on a job well done!

Yours in Christ,
Brother Buford