[SUV]

Re: Policing Freehold

Neither he or his mom could tell me how "AC/DC" praises the Lord.

You made the Right call, Ossifer. After all, on that old Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman television show, "AC/DC" seemed to be
synonymous with "Acey Deucey."

Proving that he is a nancing, prancing homer! for Sure

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

Great work, Officer Don! Agent Jack Bauer on 24 would be proud of you!

You know, I've been thinking...I could really use a cell phone, preferably one of them fancy iPhones. If you confiscate one of those, please let me know. I'd give you a reasonable price for it.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

I got a whole box full of stuff I've confiscated in the closet. I'll dig through it and see if I can find anything for you.

If anybody else wants anything, let me know.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Saw one of those soccer moms driving her kids around in a gigantic SUV. It was difficult to tell, but her oldest child had a pair of those tiny little earphones in his ears, so I conducted a routine traffic stop to see what kind of music he was listening to...

...I confiscated the tiny music player and issued a citation.

Great work, Officer Don! Agent Jack Bauer on 24 would be proud of you!

You know, I've been thinking...I could really use a cell phone, preferably one of them fancy iPhones. If you confiscate one of those, please let me know. I'd give you a reasonable price for it.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[VictoryOS]

Re: Policing Freehold

You are such a wonderful Officer of the Law. Freehold (and your lucky wife) are so fortunate to have you looking out for us and protecting us from evil and demons!

GLORY!!

Sister Thumper, isn't he strong and brave and wonderful? The Lord Jesus Christ has truly blessed me!

[Baptists For The Win]

Re: Policing Freehold

Excellent work officer Don!

You should have arrested the harlot soccermom for witchcraft! Anyone who allows a child to listen to Satans music is a peddler of evil.

This Moraless woman needs to accept Jesus, trade in her SUV for a Prius and listen to our lovely Choir hymns!

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Policing Freehold

You are such a wonderful Officer of the Law. Freehold (and your lucky wife) are so fortunate to have you looking out for us and protecting us from evil and demons!

GLORY!!

[Pastor Isaac Peters]

Re: Policing Freehold

You can't be too careful, especially since neither the little pervert nor his mom could prove their innocence.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

TUESDAY, AUGUST 18, 2009

Saw one of those soccer moms driving her kids around in a gigantic SUV. It was difficult to tell, but her oldest child had a pair of those tiny little earphones in his ears, so I conducted a routine traffic stop to see what kind of music he was listening to.

I approached the vehicle on the passenger side and motioned for him to roll down his window. "What are you listening to," I asked. "Music," was his smart-mouth reply. I opened the door and asked him to step out of the car and place his hands on the side of the vehicle.

I carefully removed the tiny earphones and held one of them up to my ear. It was some of that hard rock "AC/DC" stuff. I asked him if he was a queer and he said no. His mom was yelling at me, but I told her to sit down and shut up or I'd taze her and her little satanist.

I confiscated the tiny music player and issued a citation. Clearly this music was in violation of Phillipians 4:8 which says: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

Neither he or his mom could tell me how "AC/DC" praises the Lord.

It makes my job worthwhile to know that I've taken one more tiny music player loaded with rock and roll off the streets.

Over and out.

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Yea, he claims to be a so-called "Sikh", but that's probably just some variety of Islam like Shiite or Sunni. Whenever I'm at the counter, I always listen closely to see if I can hear the ticking of a bomb hidden inside his turban. He really has me worried.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

...No doubt that Sanjay who runs the 7-11...

Sanjay, huh? That sounds like a Muslim name. This could be Freehold's 9/11!

Officer Don, this is no time to pussyfoot around. Time to go to Terror Alert Level Red!

Onward Christian soldiers!

Praise Jesus,
Brother Buford

[Rev. Jim Osborne]

Re: Policing Freehold

Officer Don, just to let you know, I think we may have a poisoner loose in town. Earlier today, right after my Sunday sermon and services here at Landover Baptist, I was running late for my golf game with Bob Fore. Actually, it's funny playing golf with Bob, because everytime I yell "FORE!!!" He turns to me and goes "What?".

Anyways, I was a bit hungry and couldn't stay for the breakfast buffet we always have after church, so I stopped into the 7-11 on Revelations Road and bought me a six-pack of chocolate Hostess Donuts. I scarfed them down and set out to play my game of golf.

However, once Bob and I reached the 4th hole, I started feeling painful intestinal cramps. I knew what that meant. Bob looked at my grimacing face and asked "Are you okay, Rev. Jim?". I couldn't answer. I jumped into the golf cart and put the pedal to the metal. I barely made it to the clubhouse bathrooms. I was really gopher-holing it.

Needless to say, my golf game was pretty much ruined. After every two holes, it was another desperate high-speed rally back to the clubhouse in my golf cart. After the game, I looked at the donut wrapper in my car. It expired a week ago! No doubt that Sanjay who runs the 7-11 knew this and was intentionally trying to poison innocent Freehold residents. For what gain? Perhaps to sell more Immodium AD or Pepto-Bismol. Maybe it was racially motivated. But I think you should do an investigation on Sanjay because it may not be long before he moves from expired donuts to injecting strychnine into the chili dogs!

YIC,
Rev. Jim

[Brother Temperance]

Re: Policing Freehold

You're doing great work, Officer. If you lived in Britain, the socialist Big Government would almost certainly have forced you to become a woman by now. I wish I was joking, but I'm not. And do you know who pays for the operations to turn normal policemen into abominations? That's right, socialised healthcare.

[Christiansoldier]

Re: Policing Freehold

SATURDAY, AUGUST 15, 2009

Saw two kids sitting in the shade on the steps of the First Bank of Freehold. It was obvious to me what was going on: These two nine-year olds were casing the bank, just waiting for an opportunity to break in, steal the cash and make a quick getaway on their ten-speed bikes.

I approached them both and questioned them. Neither one of them had any form of identification, so I arrested them. They figured out pretty quick that crying doesn't work on Officer Don.

Down at the station I called their parents and listened to the usual bleeding-heart complaints about how "they're only nine years old! They're innocent!"

Yeah, right.

They were released on the promise that they would come to church today. I didn't see them.

Over and out.

You should've checked their bobies for explosive. Lord knows that may be influenced by the libertard media to join the Taliban and suicide bomb Freehold!

Other than that, good job! Wish I had more police officers like you around here. Good thing I'm moving soon !

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Policing Freehold

SATURDAY, AUGUST 15, 2009

Saw two kids sitting in the shade on the steps of the First Bank of Freehold. It was obvious to me what was going on: These two nine-year olds were casing the bank, just waiting for an opportunity to break in, steal the cash and make a quick getaway on their ten-speed bikes.

I approached them both and questioned them. Neither one of them had any form of identification, so I arrested them. They figured out pretty quick that crying doesn't work on Officer Don.

Down at the station I called their parents and listened to the usual bleeding-heart complaints about how "they're only nine years old! They're innocent!"

Yeah, right.

They were released on the promise that they would come to church today. I didn't see them.

Over and out.

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Policing Freehold

Monday, August 10, 2009

Took a call from dispatch saying that a crying little girl had phoned them and wouldn't say anything but "I'm in trouble, please help me."

Arrived at the scene down at the Trinity Trailers Mobile Home community. Of course I can't give out any details, but apparently the father in trailer 19 was beating his daughter because she had gotten hold of some of those "Bratz" dolls and was turning into a seven year-old harlot.

Turns out the dad is a good old fundamentalist Baptist Bible salesmen who is just trying to do the right thing. I told him he had done nothing wrong by eye-gouging and choking his daughter. I then took the little girl on my knee and explained why she was being punished and that the Ten Commandments tell us to honor our parents.

Over and out.

Great work, Officer Don. I'm so tired of these liberal pansies who think that spanking and flogging of children is a crime. My dad used to use a cattle prod to sodomize me whenever I misbehaved, but look how well-adjusted and normal I've turned out. We don't need a liberal nanny state telling us how to raise our Christian kids. As they say, spare the taser and spoil the child.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford