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  • Rachael Van Helsing
    HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
    • Sep 2006
    • 5131
    #106
    Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

    Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
    For those of you panty-waisted pagans (yes, I equate the rejection of meat with vegantarianistic heathenry!), I do not suggest that you check out THIS recipe.



    Yum!! Just the thing for the upcoming cold weather. I may have my cook whip up a batch and send them over to VanHellbound's family as a gift. Praise Jesus!!
    NO!!!!!!
    LILITH!!!!!! We have a rescue mission on our hands!!
    sigpic
    Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

      Comment

      • Daisy Mae Johnson
        The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
        Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
        aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
        True Christian™
        • Sep 2006
        • 15708
        #107
        Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

        This Kitty is praying to JESUS that Pastor Zeke has spared the other kitty's life



        Well see if he answered his prayers.

        Hopeful, Sister Thumper
        sigpic

        Tweet me Here
        My GODLY Bio Here

          Comment

          • Pastor Al E Pistle
            Christ's Cōnsiliārius
             
            • Sep 2006
            • 9323
            #108
            Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

            The Jesus cat! It looks as though it is being raptured! PRAISE! Except that cats can't go to heaven, so maybe it is being sucked up in a vacuum.
            Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
            "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
            Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


              Comment

              • Talitha
                Deaconess
                Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                True Christian™
                • Dec 2025
                • 15118
                #109
                Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
                The Jesus cat! It looks as though it is being raptured! PRAISE! Except that cats can't go to heaven, so maybe it is being sucked up in a vacuum.
                This is just for Petal.
                Maybe there is a special Heaven just for Kittys.


                Sister Talitha

                Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                  Comment

                  • lilith
                    Night Hag
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 1232
                    #110
                    Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                    Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                    NO!!!!!!
                    LILITH!!!!!! We have a rescue mission on our hands!!

                    TCFH is ready...just as soon as he finishes shredding my mail.

                    It won't take long,he only goes for the things I haven't actually managed to read yet. So once he's done that,had a quick snooze,downed some catni..um vitamins,intimidat..er..had words with the neighbours Rottweiler,it'll be Operation Kitty Rescue!
                    In order to be old & wise,you must first be young & stupid.

                      Comment

                      • Rachael Van Helsing
                        HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
                        • Sep 2006
                        • 5131
                        #111
                        Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                        Great. Landover, here we come!
                        sigpic
                        Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                          Comment

                          • Pastor Ezekiel
                            Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                             
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 78553
                            #112
                            Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                            Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                            Great. Landover, here we come!
                            You won't even make it past the outer perimeter. Security would love to get their hands on you two witches, so please do try by all means.
                            Who Will Jesus Damn?

                            Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                            Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                            Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                              Comment

                              • Petal
                                LBC psychiatric outpatient. Progressing nicely.
                                True Christian™
                                • Sep 2006
                                • 991
                                #113
                                Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                Originally posted by Miss.kind an bootiful an talenteds Sister Talitha View Post
                                This is just for Petal.
                                Maybe there is a special Heaven just for Kittys.

                                i hope that true, Miss.Talitha, cuz Mr.Pastor Zeke be sendin lots an lots of kittys there! i just pray lord Jesus be a cat person cuz if He not then He gonna get real mads, all them kittys be yowl-yowl-yowlin, they be chasing them angel mouses all over heavens an unner lord God's throne an wrappin themselfs around His ankles, He be trippin up an takin His own name in vains an then He gonna grabs them by thier tails an swing them, He be swingin them kittys round an round, an when He let go they be flyin thru the airs, all them liddle kittys be flyin strait into hellfires

                                here be Mr.Pastor Zeke's doggie Brutus, Mr.Brutus obediant unto Mr.Zeke, he happy to tenderize Mr.Socks



                                Mr.Socks better be on his bestest behaviors when he get to heavens that be him --->
                                Originally posted by Miss.lilith, defender of kittys View Post
                                TCFH is ready...just as soon as he finishes shredding my mail.

                                Operation Kitty Rescue!
                                Miss.Lilith, are you an Mrs.Hellsinger innerested in adoptin a unsaved kitty? Mr.Musubi a liddle quiet, but he real kwick wiv his paws an he can disapear in a puff of smokes

                                Last edited by Petal; 10-02-2006, 05:32 AM.

                                  Comment

                                  • Pastor Al E Pistle
                                    Christ's Cōnsiliārius
                                     
                                    • Sep 2006
                                    • 9323
                                    #114
                                    Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                    A ninja cat! What next?
                                    Emeritus Professor of the Christ Jesus Chair of Theology at Landover Baptist University.
                                    "God loves you. Let us arrange for you to meet Him".
                                    Break their teeth, O God, in their mouth.--Psalms 58:6


                                      Comment

                                      • Talitha
                                        Deaconess
                                        Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                                        True Christian™
                                        • Dec 2025
                                        • 15118
                                        #115
                                        Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                        Originally posted by Petal View Post
                                        Miss.Lilith, are you an Mrs.Hellsinger innerested in adoptin a unsaved kitty? Mr.Musubi a liddle quiet, but he real kwick wiv his paws an he can disapear in a puff
                                        Petal, you let either of those two Hags take Mr Musubi away and he's going to be in big trouble.
                                        I have evidence of extreme Kitty cruelty going on:




                                        I'll be Praying for Mr Musubi.

                                        Sister Talitha

                                        Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                                        HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                                        being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                                          Comment

                                          • Brother Temperance
                                            Senior Usher
                                            True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                                            A very nice young man
                                            True Christian™
                                            • Sep 2006
                                            • 15621
                                            #116
                                            Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                            Originally posted by Pastor Al E Pistle View Post
                                            A ninja cat! What next?
                                            Are you sure it's a ninja? It looks suspiciously like it could be a raghead cat in a hijab. Has anyone checked it for explosives?
                                            O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                                            God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                                              Comment

                                              • Rachael Van Helsing
                                                HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
                                                • Sep 2006
                                                • 5131
                                                #117
                                                Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                                Originally posted by Petal View Post
                                                Miss.Lilith, are you an Mrs.Hellsinger innerested in adoptin a unsaved kitty? Mr.Musubi a liddle quiet, but he real kwick wiv his paws an he can disapear in a puff of smokes


                                                Petal, I'd be happy to offer the kitty a home.
                                                I'm sure he'd get along quite well with Daisy and Raptor, whom I've trained not to attack anyone except....umm.....certain people
                                                sigpic
                                                Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                                                  Comment

                                                  • Witch Hammer
                                                    True Christian™
                                                    True Christian™
                                                    • Sep 2006
                                                    • 1717
                                                    #118
                                                    Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                                    Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                                                    Petal, I'd be happy to offer the kitty a home.
                                                    I'm sure he'd get along quite well with Daisy and Raptor, whom I've trained not to attack anyone except....umm.....certain people
                                                    Don't do, Sister Petal! The witch Van Helsing and her dark mistress only seek to engage your poor little kitty in unclean relations...No good can come of it.

                                                    If you can't find that poor creature a good Christian home, then you just put it in a burlap sack with a couple bricks and toss it into the creek, okay?

                                                    Jesus will help you make the right decision.

                                                      Comment

                                                      • Rachael Van Helsing
                                                        HEATHEN — Suspected Witch
                                                        • Sep 2006
                                                        • 5131
                                                        #119
                                                        Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                                        Originally posted by Witch Hammer View Post
                                                        Don't do, Sister Petal! The witch Van Helsing and her dark mistress only seek to engage your poor little kitty in unclean relations...No good can come of it.
                                                        My what?
                                                        sigpic
                                                        Wake up and smell the 21st Century!!

                                                          Comment

                                                          • Witch Hammer
                                                            True Christian™
                                                            True Christian™
                                                            • Sep 2006
                                                            • 1717
                                                            #120
                                                            Re: SPECIAL! for Unsaved Trash - This Month Only!

                                                            Originally posted by Rachael Van Helsing View Post
                                                            My what?
                                                            Don't play coy with me, harlot!

                                                              Comment

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