[Seth Campbell]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Tell you what Seth meet me at the Freehold Hilton in say 30 minutes. Your wife called me from the airport and asked that we talk. Deal?

Well thank you for the informative and expensive meeting I am glad that we have able to worked out a mutual agreement that will not expose my wife to anymore anxiety. Did you realize that she is so upset that she won't even stay at the hotel with me? No she'd rather stay in Brother Dewitts basement. When I spoke to her today she actually said that she would rather be with a man who "appreciated her pie". Can you believe that?

I'm starting to think this move wasn't a good idea, the wife is just getting too damn uppity over the last few weeks. Did you know she's decided she wants an indoor menstrual hut now? She said she got the idea off of this board although I haven't been able to find it. This whole situation is getting out of control.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Well since this thread has gone way off topic from the stoning celebration, I'm going to put my new post back in our promotion/move thread.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=43508&page=3

Thank you Brother Sam, although Seth tells me that he has no idea who the first woman in the photos is and that he was only asking the woman in the second picture for directions.

But now that I'm down here and he's met with you, a lot of things seem to have been cleared up. I guess the confusion was being caused by the long distance. Thank you for your help! And thank you for not charging me for the work! It was much appreciated

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Well thank you for the informative and expensive meeting I am glad that we have able to worked out a mutual agreement that will not expose my wife to anymore anxiety. Did you realize that she is so upset that she won't even stay at the hotel with me? No she'd rather stay in Brother Dewitts basement. When I spoke to her today she actually said that she would rather be with a man who "appreciated her pie". Can you believe that?

I'm starting to think this move wasn't a good idea, the wife is just getting too damn uppity over the last few weeks. Did you know she's decided she wants an indoor menstrual hut now? She said she got the idea off of this board although I haven't been able to find it. This whole situation is getting out of control.

Hm, this does indeed sound like it is time to start worrying. How exactly do you usually hit her when she misbehaves?

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Hm, this does indeed sound like it is time to start worrying. How exactly do you usually hit her when she misbehaves?

Riding crop, buggy whip, Tritronics G3 Pro.

I think it's my job, it keeps me away from home so much because my range is so large here. Vancouver to Whitehorse, Victoria to Cranbrook, it's a lot of territory to cover and I usually leave Monday morning and get home Friday afternoon. So she's "top dog" for most of the time. Fortunately, because Iowa is so much smaller than BC, I will be home a lot more and capable of keeping her on a tighter leash.

Of course then there's those damn rottweilers of hers. Sure she has a good paying side business going of breeding and raising protection dogs but because I'm gone so much of the time, they tend to see me as an intruder and try to protect her from me. I'm having kennels put into the new home. Those dogs will be OUTSIDE!

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Just killing those dogs is not an option?

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Just killing those dogs is not an option?

Kill my snookiepoos? How could you! They're worth $3,000 a piece as soon as their born. By the time they're 2 they're worth between 5-10,000.

Are you going to piss that amount of money away just because you don't like dogs? And here I was going to offer you one of my boys to deal with Mrs. Johnsons rat dogs.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Kill my snookiepoos? How could you! They're worth $3,000 a piece as soon as their born. By the time they're 2 they're worth between 5-10,000.

I am sorry, I never realized dogs could be a solid investment. I am quite sure Mrs. Johnsons dogs are worth absolutely nothing though.

[Dirk]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Not on the stock market, but perhaps a Chinese organthief might have interest.

[BelieverInGod]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Not on the stock market, but perhaps a Chinese organthief might have interest.

My babies come from the top lines of Rottweilers throughout the world. My dogs progeny are doing everything from service dogs for the elderly, to drug busts for police, to eating Mexicans along the border for immigration. They are NOT chinese food.

Do the people of Freehold not understand the value of a good guard dog? My dogs start at $3,000 for an 8-week-old untrained puppy and go up to $10,000 for a fully trained to your specifications 2 or 3 year old dog. These dogs are NOT PETS and are not sold as such!

I also have a side-line of Brittanys for hunting if anyone is interested.

I am sorry, I never realized dogs could be a solid investment. I am quite sure Mrs. Johnsons dogs are worth absolutely nothing though.

More than likely if she's using them for finding land mines the hard way. I've always said, unless a dog can put food on the table or keep it there (guard) it isn't worth much. I guess there's sled dogs and such as well, but they've mostly been replaced by snowmobiles.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I am so excited just one more week to go. By the way I have been practicing with the rock cannon and some different stones. Do not use the obsidian, I cut off an arm of one of the dummies, should be back from repair Monday.

Bidding on the Holy Rocks will start on Friday at noon. I have them in buckets of 20 lbs each. Minimum starting bid will be $1,000 .
I have 25 ballistics gel dummies( 24, on hand) and 5 Obama Pinatas for the kids. I think we should put them in age groups so the small ones don't feel left out.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

We had a tiny set back when neither the current Governor nor his challenger would agree to attend.

But, it allowed us to develop another venue that looks to be very successful. On the platform that was to be used by the political speakers we will mount a lifesized dummy that will be named "U. S. President". This dummy will be available to stoning practice.

I must mention here that out of respect for the Office of President, no name of any President will appear on the dummy--it will be a "generic president".

I did get just a quick look at the artist's sketch, however. The dummy figure will have a dark complection and rather large ears.

[handmaiden]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I've been an avid rock collector tor for some years now and have dug up some lovely stones-- one or two the size of a loaf of bread.

In a former church I attended, Thursday was "Stone an adulteress night." Friday was for burning of heretics, Saturday was Bible board games and Sunday, of course, was our chance to rest from our rigorous pursuit of Christian Righteousness.

As for stone selection, my recommendation is for smooth stones. There are several reasons for this. A jagged stone might seem the appropriate choice for rendering more damage on the victim, I mean villain, but those same sharp edges can cut the thrower's hand. The result is that the projectile is not held as firmly and thus is thrown with less precision and force, thus mitigating the supposed benefits in choosing a stone with sharp, damaging edges.

A smooth stone is easier to grip. This gives the thrower more control when it comes to aim and velocity. The smooth stone is also more aerodynamic, thus rendering its trajectory more reliable.

All in all these advantages make the smooth, river washed stone the preferred choice for those who take their stoning responsibilities seriously.

God be with you in all your Christian endeavors. Think of me from time to time when the hurling begins.

Helpfully Yours,

Handmaiden

[Jedediah]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Great pointers, Handy! I prefer smooth stones as well, but that is mainly because I believe the goal of a good stoning should be to bludgeon the heretic rather than to go for a "quick kill."

On my pilgrimage to the Holy Land, I made it a point to collect smooth stones for this very purpose. If the apostate is tied to a pole, the best method is to start at the feet and work one's way up only as the lower parts are completely pulverized. The process should take roughly an hour.

However, the Mudslimes - damned as they may be - have come up with a nifty improvisation that expedites the process while inflicting additional psychological trauma during the half-burial process.

[Phebe Carlyle]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

Great pointers, Handy! I prefer smooth stones as well, but that is mainly because I believe the goal of a good stoning should be to bludgeon the heretic rather than to go for a "quick kill."

On my pilgrimage to the Holy Land, I made it a point to collect smooth stones for this very purpose. If the apostate is tied to a pole, the best method is to start at the feet and work one's way up only as the lower parts are completely pulverized. The process should take roughly an hour.

However, the Mudslimes - damned as they may be - have come up with a nifty improvisation that expedites the process while inflicting additional psychological trauma during the half-burial process.

Gosh Jedediah,

For a moment there I thought you had dug up one of those Russian Dolls; you know, the ones that fit into eachother.



I thought to myself, what would those commie ruskis be doing in the Holy Land. Thank you so much Brother for the clarification.

YIC,

Mrs.P.Wintersnow

[Dirk]

Re: Have You started collecting stones?

I'm pretty exited for this fest! I can't wait for the pies!