[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A rugged cowboy from Brokeback Mountain , Texas , goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says, "I am not going to beat around the bush, You have the AIDS."

The cowboy tugs at his Stetson and sets his jaw and says, "Doc, what can I do?"

The doctor says, "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage,a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of Grape nuts cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice."

The cowboy squares his rugged shoulders and asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your ass is for."

[Jeb Stuart Thurmond]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

[Pastor Al E Pistle]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

On a lighter note, this is a Catholic.

[JennyD]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Great. Another one of those "Blessed Virgin" appearances.

[barneyhilliard]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Why did the woman cross the road? Better yet, why the heck was she out of the kitchen?

[JennyD]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

What kind of gong is responsible for the deaths of over 3,000 Chinese, and torture of thousands more?


...




...




Falun Gong!

[Krusty-Nicole]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

"How can 2,000,000 blacks get into Washington, DC in 1 day in sub zero temps when 200,000 couldn't get out of New Orleans in 85 degree temps with four days notice?"

- Florida Republican State Committeewoman Carol Carter

Do you find funny a dead man??????????

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Do you find funny a dead man??????????

We rejoice in Christ's Love, and He obviously killed that boy for a reason.

"He that sitteth in the heavens shall laugh: the LORD shall have them in derision." Psalm 2:4

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive

Clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance.

The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, 'Well, she's there.'

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

THIS IS FABULOUS!!!

It was written by an 8-year-old named Danny Dutton, who lives in Chula Vista , CA . He wrote it for his third grade homework assignment, to 'explain God.'

[ ..... and he had such an assignment, in California , and someone published it, I guess miracles do happen ! ... ]


EXPLANATION OF GOD:
'One of God's main jobs is making people. He makes them to replace the ones that die, so there will be enough people to take care of things on earth. He doesn't make grownups, just babies. I think because they are smaller and easier to make. That way he doesn't have to take up his valuable time teaching them to talk and walk. He can just leave that to mothers and fathers.'


'God's second most important job is listening to prayers. An awful lot of this goes on, since some people, like preachers and things, pray at times beside bedtime. God doesn't have time to listen to the radio or TV because of this. Because he hears everything, there must be a terrible lot of noise in his ears, unless he has thought of a way to turn it off.'


'God sees everything and hears everything and is everywhere which keeps Him pretty busy. So you shouldn't go wasting his time by going over your mom and dad's head asking for something they said you couldn't have.'


'Atheists are people who don't believe in God. I don't think there are any in Chula Vista At least there aren't any who come to our church.'

'Jesus is God's Son. He used to do all the hard work, like walking on water and performing miracles and trying to teach the people who didn't want to learn about God. They finally got tired of him preaching to them and they crucified him But he was good and kind, like his father, and he told his father that they didn't know what they were doing and to forgive them and God said O.K.'


'His dad (God) appreciated everything that he had done and all his hard work on earth so he told him he didn't have to go out on the road anymore. He could stay in heaven. So he did. And now he helps his dad out by listening to prayers and seeing things which are important for God to take care of and which ones he can take care of himself without having to bother God. Like a secretary, only more important.'


'You can pray anytime you want and they are sure to help you because they got it worked out so one of them is on duty all the time.'

'You should always go to church on Sunday because it makes God happy, and if there's anybody you want to make happy, it's God!


Don't skip church to do something you think will be more fun like going to the beach. This is wrong. And besides the sun doesn't come out at the beach until noon anyway.'


'If you don't believe in God, besides being an atheist, you will be very lonely, because your parents can't go everywhere with you, like to camp, but God can. It is good to know He's around you when you're scared, in the dark or when you can't swim and you get thrown into real deep water by big kids.'


'But... you shouldn't just always think of what God can do for you. I figure God put me here and he can take me back anytime he pleases.

And...that's why I believe in God.'

[A is for Allah]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

ive got a joke for you

BAPTISTS

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Security! Security! This man here is laughing at something I did not find funny in the least. Lock him up in the name of all that is moral and correct!

[A is for Allah]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Now that man above was funny

haha good joke

[Max Bayes]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A dirty Mudslime called Aisforallah walks into a Bar in the penthouse of a twenty story building and orders a pint of beer with a side of pork scratchings. The man next to him turns to him and says, "Hey, you want to see a trick?" Aisforallah scoffs down some pig, and goes "Go on then". The man then goes to the window, opens it, jumps out, flys around the building, and then comes back in through the window.

"Wow," says Aisforallah, "how'd you do that?"
"Simple," says the man, "I just believe in myself, and believe in God, and believe that I can fly around the building. Bet you I can do it again."
"Alright, £50 says you will fall to your death."
"Sportsmen's bet, my friend. Only Atheists sinners gamble. But I will show you again anyway."

With that, the man jumped out the window, and flew around the building.

"That's really the most impressive thing I've ever seen. Can I do that?"
"Sure, all you have to do is believe in yourself, believe in God, and believe you can fly around the building."

Cautiously, Aisforallah goes to the window. He climbs out onto the ledge, jumps, and plummets to his death.

The man turns around to the bartender, "Guess he simply didn't believe in God."
The bartender turns back around and says, "Well, he'll sure as hell believe in Satan, thanks to you, Jesus."

[Daisy Mae Johnson]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot summer
day.

Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because he was
mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a way to get wet and
cool without getting into trouble.

They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when suddenly one
of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Lets get baptized!"

Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet at a
baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the corner and
told the pastor they wanted to get baptized.

The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes of
begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's room and
dunked them both head first into the toilet, then sent them on
their way.

The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the whole
adventure, when one of them asked the other, "Hey, what religion
are we now?"

"I don't know," replied the other. "If we were Baptists, he
would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body like
he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic, he would have poured
it on our heads from a pitcher..."

They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the first one
said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in the toilet, I
think that it means that we're 'pisscapalin."