[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

Q: What do you call a fat chinaman?

A: A chunk.
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[Virginia Day Templeton]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A lion is walking through the jungle when a banana falls out of a tree and hits him on the head.

"Ow!" says the lion. He looks up and sees a monkey scurrying away through the branches, and quick as can be, he bounds up the nearest trunk and grabs the monkey in his paw.

"P-please, Mr. Lion, don't hurt me!" the monkey stammers.

"Listen, punk," growls the lion. "I'll give you a choice. I'm either gonna bite off your tail or bite off your head. Up to you."

The monkey pauses for a moment, deep in thought. Then his eyes widen and he blurts out:

"Please, Mr. Lion, bite off my head!"

The lion is taken aback.

"But if I bite your head," says the lion, "you'll die."

"Yeah," says the monkey. "But if you bite off my tail, I'll be a Negro!"

[MisterM]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

How do you make a dog say "meow"?

You put it in a freezer and saws it apart with a bandsaw the day after, it will sound like "meeeeeeoooooowwww"

How do you make cat say woof? Pour some gasoline over it and then use matchstick "woooooof".

[Proud Faroese]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

How do you make a dog say "meow"?

You put it in a freezer and saws it apart with a bandsaw the day after, it will sound like "meeeeeeoooooowwww"

[Zechariah Smyth]

knock knock... whos there? nigger... HOLY S HIT RUN!!! hahaha

Please do not use racist terms when speaking about the lesser races.



Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth
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[theblackest1youknow]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

knock knock... whos there? nigger... HOLY S HIT RUN!!! hahaha

[Dan U. Holier]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

If Africa had more mosquito nets, every year we could save thousands of mosquitos from dying needlessly of AIDS.

Q: How do you starve a mexican?
A: Hide his food stamps under his work boots.

Q: Why won't a black guy use aspirin?
A: He's too proud to pick the cotton out of the bottle.

[Jack O'fagan]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The Dalai Lama walks into a Baptist-owned pizza parlor and asks, "Can you make me One with Everything?"

The owner replies, "We don't serve weirdos in pajamas."

In the end he gets his pizza and hands over twenty dollars. He stands there for a while and then asks for his change.

The pizza guy says 'change comes from within, now piss off pajama freak'

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

The Dalai Lama walks into a Baptist-owned pizza parlor and asks, "Can you make me One with Everything?"

The owner replies, "We don't serve weirdos in pajamas."

[Yeshua bar Yusuf]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

A joo woman, a papist whore, and a Godly Christian woman were talking one day.
"I finally got my husband to cook dinner every night," the mackerel-snapping slut said with a smile.
"Gracious, how did you do that?" asked the Christian woman.
"It was easy," said the bead-rattler. "I just decided not to cook one night. Sure he complained a little on the first day, and then on the second day he ordered a pizza, but on the third day he cooked dinner and now he does it all the time."
"That's nothing!" exclaimed the jooess proudly. "I figured out a way to get my husband to do all the housework."
"Goodness, how did you manage that?" the Christian woman asked.
"It was easy," replied the Jesus-murdering harlot. "I just stopped doing it. The dishes and the laundry piled up. The first day, I couldn't see any change, and t he second day I didn't see anything either, but then my husband got fed up and washed the dishes and clothes himself, and now he does it all the time."

After some cajoling, the two heathens tempted the Christian woman into trying something similar at her own home. About two weeks later, they ran into each other again.

"So how did it go?" the godless jezebels asked the Christian.
"Alright, I think," replied the Christian. "When I got home, I sat down to watch TV, and when my husband got home, there were dirty dishes in the sink and the laundry hadn't been folded, and I hadn't even started cooking dinner."
"And then what happened?" the hell-bound whores asked.
"Well, I didn't see anything the first day, and I didn't see anything the second day...But on the third day the swelling in my left eye had gone down enough that I could see to wash the dishes!"

[Nobar King]

Re: Good clean Christian jokes

Usually jokes are funny because they're true. In this case men don't ever get pregnant, so the joke is funny because it's not true. They guy asked God for something he shouldn't have, and he got pregnant. How is that not funny?

[Brother Enoch]

Re: Good clean Christian jokes

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. ... The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman... He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate... Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog... Then, it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: - Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back.. Amen!' The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But you'll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.

That's not funny.. Have you been infested by a feminazi demon, Nobar?

[Nobar King]

Good clean Christian jokes

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: 'Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. ... The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman... He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate... Awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, Fed them breakfast, Packed their lunches, Drove them to school, Came home and picked up the dry cleaning, Took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, Went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the check book. He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog... Then, it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, Dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home. Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework. Then, set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing. At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper. After supper, He cleaned the kitchen, Ran the dishwasher, Folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said: - Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, Oh! Please, let us trade back.. Amen!' The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But you'll have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night.

[Brother Enoch]

My Dad's experience with a parking cop

My Dad and his wife were vacationing in Sarasota, Florida last week and enjoying a meal at a local restaurant.

When they came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. They went up to him and said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
He ignored them and continued writing the ticket. Dad called him a Nazi turd. He glared at him and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So his wife (my stepmom) called him a ****-head. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more they abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Finally the cop left and my Dad called a taxi, leaving the car with the Obama bumper-sticker and the tickets all over the windshield behind.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Good, Clean Christian Jokes

There’s a Mexican a black and a Puerto Rican in the back seat, who's driving?
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The cop.