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  • Professor Brown
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Mar 2008
    • 12

    #1

    ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

    I tried to speak with you in the spirit of the Gospels. You spat back at me selected verses, wrenched out of context, and asked me to demonstrate that you do not follow the Bible. Very well. Over the next week, I and my 30 Christian Studies students will keep track of all posts made here. We will independently look for statements that are un-Biblical or anti-Biblical. Only if 3 or more of us cite a post will I include it in the final report. We will then post our results, and grade you from A to F.

    Professor Brown
  • Deaner
    Christ's Love Messenger
    True Christian™
    • Sep 2006
    • 5932

    #2
    Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

    Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
    Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

    Comment

    • Bobby-Joe
      Landover Security Superviser
      Asset Loss Prevention and Personal Security Expert
      NOT angry and positively NOT Gay
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 18405

      #3
      Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

      Originally posted by Professor Brown View Post
      I tried to speak with you in the spirit of the Gospels. You spat back at me selected verses, wrenched out of context, and asked me to demonstrate that you do not follow the Bible. Very well. Over the next week, I and my 30 Christian Studies students will keep track of all posts made here. We will independently look for statements that are un-Biblical or anti-Biblical. Only if 3 or more of us cite a post will I include it in the final report. We will then post our results, and grade you from A to F.

      Professor Brown
      Friend,

      You can not judge us.
      Matthew 7:1
      Judge not, that ye be not judged.

      That's Jesus talking friend.

      Time to reclaim our FREEDOM from the “Mullah in Chief” and his growing activist voter hoards of socialists, communists, anti-Semites, anti-Christians, atheists, radical gays and lesbians, feminists, illegal immigrants, Muslims, anti-Anglo whites and others.

      Hot Must ReadThreads!


      Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!

      Comment

      • One-eyed Jack
        True Christian™
        True Christian™
        • Nov 2007
        • 1092

        #4
        Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

        Ms. Brown, I am deeply concerned that you are allowed to teach anything more demanding than shoe-tying. You would, in a truly Christian country, be remanded to a Bible Training Camp where you would read Revelation and Isaiah, eat your own dung, and drink your own piss until you understand that it is not for man to comprehend the nature of God. This would be the proper Christian treatment for an uppity female like yourself.

        But Rabshakeh said unto them, Hath my master sent me to thy master, and to thee, to speak these words? hath he not sent me to the men which sit on the wall, that they may eat their own dung, and drink their own piss with you? 2 Kings 18:27

        God is not mocked, Ms. Brown! Not by an uppity Orientalist woman, no, not by a strange woman! Your end shall be bitter as wormwood!

        For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:

        But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Proverbs 5:3,4

        Read ye the Book! Read, and REPENT!

        ~~ OEJ

        Comment

        • Offcr. Albert Martin
          Unsaved Meter Maid
          • Feb 2008
          • 250

          #5
          Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

          Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
          Friend,

          You can not judge us.
          Matthew 7:1
          Judge not, that ye be not judged.

          That's Jesus talking friend.
          Funny YOU should quote that verse...That's the verse you always seem to reject when we bring it up...
          Former member of a church which I cannot dare mention-Now a spiritual free agent-could LBC be the way for me?

          Comment

          • ForGodsSake
            X-Aussie Evangelist
            True Christian™
            • Feb 2008
            • 493

            #6
            Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

            Originally posted by Offcr. Albert Martin View Post
            Funny YOU should quote that verse...That's the verse you always seem to reject when we bring it up...
            What would you know about the Bible. Go back to your stained cup and drink the blood of the prophets, heathen.
            (2 Peter 3:10)

            But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.

            Comment

            • JennyD
              Honorary True Christian™
              Sweet Placid Sister
              Forum Member
              • Dec 2007
              • 9567

              #7
              Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

              I think it should be quite entertaining to see what Ms. Brown and her 30 imaginary friends "students" come up with. Who knows, perhaps we've overlooked some method by which the Unsaved will be damned, and she will find it for us. <snort>

              It's always worthwhile <chortle> to have an additional review! I, for one, look forward to this "audit".

              No, seriously.












              www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
              Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

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              Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

              Comment

              • Ahimaaz Smith
                True Christian™
                True Christian™
                • Nov 2007
                • 2549

                #8
                Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                Originally posted by Bobby-Joe View Post
                Judge not, that ye be not judged.

                That's Jesus talking friend.
                A+

                Originally posted by One-eyed Jack View Post
                Read ye the Book! Read, and REPENT!
                A (would have been an A+, but OEJ, my friend, you buried the lead)

                Originally posted by Offcr. Albert Martin View Post
                Funny YOU should quote that verse...That's the verse you always seem to reject when we bring it up...
                C- Officer Martin, at Landover we respect you and the other men of law enforcement as Real American Heroes(r), but, on the whole, we find our Pastors to be more qualified to interpret the Word.

                Judge not, that ye be not judged applies to those who do not believe 100% in the Bible. Consider 1 Corinthians 5:12-13, For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth and 1 Corinthians 2:15, But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.

                Originally posted by ForGodsSake View Post
                What would you know about the Bible. Go back to your stained cup and drink the blood of the prophets, heathen.
                A+

                Originally posted by JennyD View Post
                I, for one, look forward to this "audit". No, seriously.
                We believe you, Sister Jenny. Is there a way to give a grade higher than an A+?

                Pour out thy fury upon the heathen that know thee not, and upon the families that call not on thy name.... Jeremiah 10:25

                Comment

                • Ezekiel Bathfire
                  Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
                  Christ's Rottweiler
                   
                  • Jan 2008
                  • 22882

                  #9
                  Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                  Originally posted by Professor Brown View Post
                  Over the next week, I and my 30 Christian Studies students will keep track of all posts made here. We will independently look for statements that are un-Biblical or anti-Biblical. Only if 3 or more of us cite a post will I include it in the final report. We will then post our results, and grade you from A to F.

                  Professor Brown
                  Have you consulted Numbers 30 on the matter of vows made before The Lord by a woman. If so, is your husband or father agreeable? Or are you a widow?

                  Or is it that you would intend to cheat and misrepresent Landover Baptist Church and thus have not sworn before The Lord?
                  sigpic


                  “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

                  Author of such illuminating essays as,
                  Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

                  Comment

                  • Daisy Mae Johnson
                    The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                    Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                    aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                    True Christian™
                    • Sep 2006
                    • 15708

                    #10
                    Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                    Originally posted by Professor Brown View Post
                    I tried to speak with you in the spirit of the Gospels. You spat back at me selected verses, wrenched out of context, and asked me to demonstrate that you do not follow the Bible. Very well. Over the next week, I and my 30 Christian Studies students will keep track of all posts made here. We will independently look for statements that are un-Biblical or anti-Biblical. Only if 3 or more of us cite a post will I include it in the final report. We will then post our results, and grade you from A to F.

                    Professor Brown
                    Why aren't you in the kitchen making a honey baked ham and bunny shaped cakes? Has your husband given you permission to be here?
                    sigpic

                    Tweet me Here
                    My GODLY Bio Here

                    Comment

                    • Brother Temperance
                      Senior Usher
                      True Christian™ missionary to the Unsaved Kingdom
                      A very nice young man
                      True Christian™
                      • Sep 2006
                      • 15621

                      #11
                      Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                      Originally posted by Ahimaaz Smith View Post
                      We believe you, Sister Jenny. Is there a way to give a grade higher than an A+?
                      Doubleplus A? Freedom A+?
                      O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it--for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is the ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.



                      God being truth, justice, goodness, beauty, power, and life, man is falsehood, iniquity, evil, ugliness, impotence, and death. God being master, man is the slave. Incapable of finding justice, truth, and eternal life by his own effort, he can attain them only through a divine revelation... he who desires to worship God must harbor no childish illusions about the matter, but bravely renounce his liberty and humanity.

                      Comment

                      • Professor Brown
                        Unsaved trash
                        Under Investigation
                        • Mar 2008
                        • 12

                        #12
                        Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                        Originally posted by One-eyed Jack View Post
                        For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil:

                        But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Proverbs 5:3,4
                        Jack, I may be the strange woman to you, but to someone else I'm the wife of his youth. And God tells him:

                        "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love." Proverbs 5:18-19.

                        Somehow, the fact that God is saying that about me to my husband more than balances things out.

                        Professor Brown

                        Comment

                        • Brother V
                          True Christian™ Nitric Oxide
                          True Christian™
                          • Sep 2006
                          • 3481

                          #13
                          Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                          Originally posted by Professor Brown View Post
                          Jack, I may be the strange woman to you, but to someone else I'm the wife of his youth. And God tells him:

                          "Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love." Proverbs 5:18-19.

                          Somehow, the fact that God is saying that about me to my husband more than balances things out.

                          Professor Brown
                          Perhaps you are familiar with the book of Ezra, (perhaps not). One of the more interesting aspects (in my opinion) was when Ezra dissolved all the marriages between the Israel people and the people of the land.

                          Ezra 10:10 And Ezra the priest stood up, and said unto them, Ye have transgressed, and have taken strange wives, to increase the trespass of Israel.

                          11 Now therefore make confession unto the LORD God of your fathers, and do his pleasure: and separate yourselves from the people of the land, and from the strange wives.


                          They even sent away the women that had children from these mixed marriages. (The law is in Deuteronomy 7:3 Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. because mixed marriages will dilute the purity of the religion.)

                          Are you in an unbiblical mixed marriage?

                          YIC
                          V
                          Judges 9:21 And Jotham ran away, and fled, and went to Beer, and dwelt there, for fear of Abimelech his brother.

                          Comment

                          • Daisy Mae Johnson
                            The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
                            Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
                            aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
                            True Christian™
                            • Sep 2006
                            • 15708

                            #14
                            Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                            Again, I'll ask........

                            If she is a wife, then why is she not in the kitchen making him delicious meals and treats instead of being in here trying to undermine us True Christians?

                            AND did her husband giver her permission to be on here?
                            sigpic

                            Tweet me Here
                            My GODLY Bio Here

                            Comment

                            • JennyD
                              Honorary True Christian™
                              Sweet Placid Sister
                              Forum Member
                              • Dec 2007
                              • 9567

                              #15
                              Re: ANNOUNCEMENT: Biblical Audit Underway

                              My dear Professoress Brown -

                              It seems to me that you read the Bible with an agenda.

                              You have a preconceived notion of God as being all-loving. You believe that everyone goes to Heaven, and that God loves sinners and the unfaithful. You then read the Bible, looking for support for your imaginary "all-loving hippie God", and ignore anything which contradicts it, or declare it "mistranslated" or "metaphorical" or "the work of misguided men".

                              You also claim that the whole (as you say, the "tenor of the work") is very different from its parts. Hundreds of pages of laws are irrelevant because they don't fit your ideas about what the Bible SHOULD say.

                              You are naturally horrified to find that there is a True Christian(tm) Church in existence. We at Landover do not imagine a God of our own liking and then pick and choose verses of the Bible to support our vain imaginings. Rather, we read GOD'S WORD and discover Him in the words He chose to reveal Himself to us.

                              Allow me an analogy:

                              Let's suppose you and a True Christian(tm) were part of an experiment. The experimenter asks you to look at a series of pictures, then write down the animal made up of the constituent parts.

                              The first picture shows some fur. The second picture shows an eye, and the third is a shot of what looks like a duck's bill.

                              You write down, "Cat". Why? Because you saw fur and an eye. Cats have fur and eyes; you like cats; therefore, it must be a cat. The duck's bill? Well, that obviously got mixed up in the pictures by accident. The experimenter made a mistake. Right?

                              The True Christian(tm) waits until she sees ALL of the pictures, then figures out which animal includes ALL the parts . . . a platypus.

                              That's the difference, dear, between your approach to the Bible and that of a True Christian(tm). We look at the WHOLE series of parts and understand God based on ALL of His parts, rather than picking a few parts we like and declaring the rest to be errors or irrelevant.
                              www.palibandaily.com - Your Christian News Source
                              Huckabee/Palin Gingrich 2012 will reclaim America for Christ! PRAISE!

                              Christian Ladies:
                              Savor your separation in style at the Monthly Visitor!

                              Comment

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