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  • Basilissa
    South of the Border outreach program
    True Christian™
     
    • Mar 2013
    • 12990
    #1

    Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

    Dearest Sister Talitha,

    May I be the first one to wish you all the best on your birthday!

    I hope you're enjoying the cake I baked for you. It was supposed to look like the one on the bottom of this post, but it turned out less fluffy then I wished for. (I was trying to modify an old recipe).

    Anyway, have a blessed birthday!
    God created fossils to test our faith.

    * * *

    My favorite LBC sermons:
    True Christians are Perfect!
    True Christian™ Love.
    Salvation™ made Easy!
    You can’t be a Christian if you don’t believe the Old Testament.
    Jesus is impolite. Deal with it.
    Jesus is xenophobic and so should we.
     Sanctity of Life is NOT a Biblical Concept.
    Biblical view on modern-day slavery.
    The Immorality of the "Universal Declaration of Human Rights."
    Geneva Conventions vs. The Holy Bible.
    God HATES Rational Thinking!
    True Christian™ Man as a spitting image of God.
    Tags: None
    • Daisy Mae Johnson
      The Future Mrs. Ezekiel Flint
      Voted Best Pies in Freehold 10 Years Running
      aka the Biblethumpin Blonde
      True Christian™
      • Sep 2006
      • 15708
      #2
      Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY
      Sister Tali!
      I'm Sure You will be One
      of GOD'S Favorite Angels Come the GLORY!


      sigpic

      Tweet me Here
      My GODLY Bio Here

        Comment

        • James Hutchins
          True Christian™
          Just a Regular Nice Guy
           
          • Jun 2009
          • 29453
          #3
          Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

          Our treasured Deaconess, time has certainly stood still in your presence.You are blessed with the epitome of grace, charm and demure elegance.

          I've sent you a little something(matched set of a brooch, earrings, necklace) from Tiffany's. If you do not like them, please, feel free to exchange it for anything you like. Just have them put it on my account. It is the least I can do for you.

          I still remember the first time I met you, I was (and still am) in awe of your strength and fortitude.
          Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
          Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
          Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
          Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
          Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
          Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

            Comment

            • Sammy The Penitent
              Forum Member
              Forum Member
              • Nov 2012
              • 289
              #4
              Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

              Have a wonderful and blessed birthday, Sister Talitha!
              2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.

                Comment

                • Russell Holbeck
                  True Christian™
                  True Christian™
                  • Dec 2012
                  • 735
                  #5
                  Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                  Hello Talitha.

                  Happy birthday.

                  Thank you.

                  Rusty
                  Psalms 116:6 The LORD preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.

                    Comment

                    • Professor Bessemer
                      Professor of Creation Science at Landover University
                      Certified Ex-Gay Program Graduate
                      Darwin's Worst Nightmare
                      True Christian™
                      • May 2009
                      • 2952
                      #6
                      Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                      Sister Talitha, be sure to thank God today that He let you live another year on this sin filled earth that He created for us. Soon He will take us all into the Kingdom to serve Him for all eternity.
                      Professor of Creation Science and Flood Geology at Landover Baptist University


                      sigpic

                      Sodomites! Stop being gay TODAY!

                      Wherefore lay apart all filthiness and superfluity of naughtiness, and receive with meekness the engrafted word, which is able to save your souls. James 1:21

                        Comment

                        • Mary Etheldreda
                          Gushing for Jesus
                           
                          • Sep 2011
                          • 23775
                          #7
                          Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                          A most blessed birthday to you, Sister in Christ.

                          Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

                            Comment

                            • Talitha
                              Deaconess
                              Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                              True Christian™
                              • May 2026
                              • 15118
                              #8
                              Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                              Well! Isn't this nice. Happy Birthday me.
                              I Praise Jesus for allowing me to celebrate another year without deciding to kill me.
                              GLORY! I must be doing something right.

                              I shall be having a little get together round at my humble mansion this evening and each and every one of you good True Christians(tm) is invited.
                              Please ring at the Gatehouse so you can be accompanied to the house, we wouldn't want any unfortunate accidents. My dogs are hungry at night times.

                              Thank you all for your wishes.

                              God Bless you all.

                              Sister Talitha

                              Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                              HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                              being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                                Comment

                                • John Creeser
                                  Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
                                   
                                  • Aug 2009
                                  • 7248
                                  #9
                                  Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                                  Happy Birthday!! What pie did you bake your husband???
                                  -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
                                  -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

                                  -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
                                  -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
                                  -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
                                  -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
                                  -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

                                  STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!

                                    Comment

                                    • Talitha
                                      Deaconess
                                      Gracious, genteel, kind, tender, and warm True Christian™ Sister
                                      True Christian™
                                      • May 2026
                                      • 15118
                                      #10
                                      Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                                      Originally posted by John Creeser View Post
                                      Happy Birthday!! What pie did you bake your husband???
                                      My what?

                                      Do you people have to keep reminding me of that sad day?
                                      May God rest his Soul.

                                      Sister Talitha

                                      Markswoman, Circumcisionist, Platinum Tither.


                                      HE took the damsel by the hand, and said unto her, Talitha Cumi; which is,
                                      being interpreted, Damsel, I say unto thee, arise!...Mark 5:41


                                        Comment

                                        • John Creeser
                                          Warning: In case of Rapture, this account will be unmanned.
                                           
                                          • Aug 2009
                                          • 7248
                                          #11
                                          Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                                          Originally posted by Talitha View Post
                                          My what?

                                          Do you people have to keep reminding me of that sad day?
                                          May God rest his Soul.
                                          I'm so sorry Sister, I am getting forgetful in my old age. (I haven't felt this bad since I reminded Pastor Ezekiel of Deuteronomy 25:11-12 and his wife).
                                          -Every young man's battle - PORN AND MASTURBATION![/SIZE]
                                          -DISOWN your ATHEIST children - just like this good mother did!!

                                          -FINALLY!! Some rights for the rapists!!
                                          -There is no such thing as animal abuse!!
                                          -Pregnancy through RAPE is a GIFT from God
                                          -Keep the Fags out of the Boy Scouts!!
                                          -WIVES!! Stay in your abusive relationship!

                                          STOP, DROP & ROLL DOESN'T WORK IN HELL!!!!

                                            Comment

                                            • Pastor Ezekiel
                                              Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
                                               
                                              • Sep 2006
                                              • 78556
                                              #12
                                              Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                                              Praise Jesus and many happy returns of the day. I'd join your party if I could, but at the moment I'm up to my neck in nubile young Tahitian boys, all clamoring to hear the Good News.

                                              You understand, I know.
                                              Who Will Jesus Damn?

                                              Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                                              Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                                              Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                                                Comment

                                                • Mary Thompson
                                                  True Christian Lady™, Certified Best Friend of Jesus
                                                  True Christian™
                                                  • Mar 2013
                                                  • 653
                                                  #13
                                                  Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                                                  Happy Birthday, Sister! God Bless you!


                                                  Yours In Christ,
                                                  Mary Thompson
                                                  Thinking of Abortion?
                                                  That fetus will be in Hell, because they never had a chance to repent their sinful ways (Psalms 51:5) (1 Kings 8:46)
                                                  Think of the children. Stop being a slut.

                                                    Comment

                                                    • Pastor Ed Lowman
                                                      Southern Hospitality Exemplified
                                                      Always kind and loving
                                                      True Christian™
                                                      • Sep 2011
                                                      • 1838
                                                      #14
                                                      Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                                                      Happy Birthday, Sister.

                                                      We men have to keep a close eye on you womenfolk, but among them you are a shining light of grace and Christlike-ness. May the Lord grant you many more years on this earth.

                                                      Celebrating from afar,

                                                      Pastor Ed

                                                        Comment

                                                        • Faith_Machine
                                                          Dyed-in-the-wool True Christian™
                                                          True Christian™
                                                          • Mar 2011
                                                          • 10050
                                                          #15
                                                          Re: Happy Birthday, Sister Talitha!

                                                          A belated happy birthday to you, my sister in Christ!

                                                          WARNING:
                                                          In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                                                          REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                                                            Comment

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