[Chewer]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Well, you know, Jesus was never too fussed about women: I know you and all the other True Christian™ females do a good job of keepoing the side up but let's keep things in perspective.

And Jesus Himself shows me the way withregard to my youghtful, young clean limbed, supple, firm thighed eager young Newphew: I need to teach him thusly:

1st Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.

And women in general need to take some responsibilty for themselves.

Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

I'm sure that Brother Faith may look like a lecherous, depraved, potentially dangerous obsessive but he is actual a tool.

A tool of Jesus to teach women how to please Holy Jesus. If they cannot resist his pedestrian whiles how can they expect a place oin Heaven?

1st Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;

Women should show some decorum and think about what Jesus would do; not how they can give up their virtual to Faith Machine.

It's about women taking personal reponsibililty rather than blaming Brother Faith
for being how God made him.

YIC

If I was you I sure wouldn't drink that wine. She probably put a dash of laxatives in it!

[Mary Etheldreda]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

If I was you I sure wouldn't drink that wine. She probably put a dash of laxatives in it!

What inspires you to make such an accusation against a True Christian™?

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Hello Naomi Ruth Lamb.

If you have a camera on your computer you should put a Post-It Note over the lens when you are not using it. There are people out there who will find your camera and turn it on and if you walk around in your underpants they will see you.

Web cams were not invented in the Bible but still people should not be looking at you in your underpants look at Jude 1:4 it says:

For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ.

I do not like the idea of people having lascivious thoughts when they see me in my underpants not everybody wears boxer shorts you know.

Thank you.

Rusty

Sweet Brother Rusty,


I would love to hug you tight right now. I am so grateful for your concern. If I were to see you in your undergarments, I would simply turn my meek, subservient head and then I would walk backward carrying a cloak to cover you. There would be no need for embarrassment.


I hope you will come to North Dakota and give a special poem of thanks to Jesus when Naomi's Moist Pie opens. I will pay for it.


Your friend forever, ::
Naomi

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

There's the answer to the missing funds. The joos have your money Brother Hutchins. Brother Faith is innocent. Mistress Cookie is innocent too. I will ask my husband to raise this at the monthly meeting, appoint new accountants, and drag those thieving hook nosed joos to be dealt with by the law.


->

Brother Hutchins,


When this hoopla started, I offered to send enough money to rescue your ministry and even had a nice truck on reserve that you could have picked up. From that point, both FM and others seemed to work against my offer of assistance and it appears there is still some sort of controversial and unseemly work going on behind the scenes here. I know that Mother of Seven has been experiencing some guilt (made even more dangerous since she is incontinent after carrying seven overweight children - doctors have described the stretching and damage on her bladder as catastrophic).
I can afford investigators if you want me to use them for you. I know that FM is NOT to be trusted (He is forever banned from Naomi's Moist Pie) and Mother of Seven seems to be very much in his defense.
Brother Jim, I want to help you. There is demonic activity involved in this and I have the Blood of Jesus protecting me. I pray that the Blood of Jesus also covers you at this moment and that the Holy Spirit will provide us with the truth. By the way, I know a CHRISTIAN lawyer that can get to the bottom of this.


With much love and GOD'S STRENGTH and PROTECTION,
NRL

[Basilissa]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

BI know that FM is NOT to be trusted (He is forever banned from Naomi's Moist Pie) and Mother of Seven seems to be very much in his defense.

My dearest Sister Naomi, aren't you too harsh in your judgement against our beloved (albeit somewhat wayward) Brother Machine? I mean, he is a True Christian™, you know, and therefore he's washed in Jesus' blood, and therefore he's innocent until proven guilty (which is never gonna happen, obviously, because since FM is a True Christian™, in all that has happened, I'm absolutely sure that he's just a victim of some unscrupulous heathen conmen).

Brother Machine, you're welcome to taste my pie anytime, and don't be afraid to ask for second helping!

[Faith_Machine]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Bless you, Sister. Naomi is certainly correct in thinking I allowed myself to be used as Satan's willing pawn, and I have committed many misdeeds, but I can't understand why she's still flapping her gums about it. Oh well. I suppose women just love to talk, talk, talk, all the time, about any little thing that should happen to flit into their heads.

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Sister Naomi, The condition of my bladder and urethra is mint. Any defects are in your mind only. I wonder why you spend so long every day pondering the condition of my lady bits. You certainly have a fixation on them. Would you care to answer that? Hmmmm?


Brother Machine, Without a man in her life, Sister Naomi seems to need to waste her little brain on things that happened in the distant past and on the private parts of other ladies.

[Faith_Machine]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Please, can you not use the actual words for the various lady parts? I have just a few days of abstinence from self abuse under my belt, and I need to avoid anything that might trigger a relapse.

Thank you for understanding.

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

My dearest Sister Naomi, aren't you too harsh in your judgement against our beloved (albeit somewhat wayward) Brother Machine? I mean, he is a True Christian™, you know, and therefore he's washed in Jesus' blood, and therefore he's innocent until proven guilty (which is never gonna happen, obviously, because since FM is a True Christian™, in all that has happened, I'm absolutely sure that he's just a victim of some unscrupulous heathen conmen).

Brother Machine, you're welcome to taste my pie anytime, and don't be afraid to ask for second helping!

Dearest Darling Sister Liss:

If you are going to side with that nasty man, despite my Christian love for you, I may have to decide on somewhere besides Michigan - this after I have offered some commie a place to settle to get away from Putin and his warring ways. Think carefully before you give FM too much credit. Are you blinded by him so that as a True Christian(TM) woman you would think I have no discernment as a gift of the Holy Ghost? I have never been quick to judge.

Also remember your proposed salary, dear.

NRL

[Mother Of Seven]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Could someone please find this woman a husband? Brother Machine, me, and now Brother Fred. It seems that she is becoming an old maid very quickly in her dotage.

[Attila's Wife]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

When this hoopla started, I offered to send enough money to rescue your ministry and even had a nice truck on reserve that you could have picked up.

Sister Naomi Ruth, I do wish you would keep these interminable boastings of your wealth and (alleged) generosity away from the public forum. It is not seemly.

Matthew 6:2-4

Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward.

But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:

That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

(In other areas of your life, you seem to have no difficulty with the part in bold.)

Who knows, if He saw you displaying a little more feminine modesty, He might even reward you with a husband?

With kindest wishes and love, dear,
AW

[Faith_Machine]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Think carefully before you give FM too much credit.

My dear, beautiful sister in Christ, herein lies the crux of your confusion. Your thought processes are those of a pre-saved woman, still looking to give credit to mere men and invest in your mortal fellows the type of power and wisdom only God possesses.

I like to keep the following verse foremost in my mind whenever I forget that even holding a coherent thought in my head is something I am unqualified to do without the Lord's help:

2 Corinthians 3:5

Not that wee are sufficient of our selues to thinke any thing as of our selues: but our sufficiencie is of God:

All credit belongs to Jesus, Naomi. I claim no credit for myself.

[Basilissa]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

Dearest Darling Sister Liss:

If you are going to side with that nasty man, despite my Christian love for you, I may have to decide on somewhere besides Michigan - this after I have offered some commie a place to settle to get away from Putin and his warring ways. Think carefully before you give FM too much credit. Are you blinded by him so that as a True Christian™ woman you would think I have no discernment as a gift of the Holy Ghost? I have never been quick to judge.

Also remember your proposed salary, dear.

NRL

My dearest, sweetest Sister Naomi:

As the innocent young lady that I am, I always see the good in people. However, a few of the fellow True Christians™ have contacted me via PM, warning me that the deal you were offering me was not as sweet as it seemed to my inexperienced eyes. It also hurts me to see a True Christian™ woman questioning a True Christian™ Man. Don't you know, that a man always knows better? (Beloved Brother Faith Machine, as you can see, if we were in any kind of relationship, I would always have sided with you!)

Therefore, after much consideration, I must reject your kind offer, Sister Naomi. After all, I prefer to be the person who decides whom to offer my own pie.

I hope it won't hurt your feelings.

With warm wishes,

Basilissa.

[Godfly]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

When FM was passed out in my shed during "his" last embarrassing escapade "he" would occasionally sob in the most high pitched voice I have ever heard. When they finally dragged "him" from the shed "he" screamed so loud it broke every dish in my place. "He" had also dressed "himself" from a box if my late wife's clothes though this could have been to keep warm.

When I saw them cuff those thin hairless wrists of "his" I just assumed this Faith Machine I knew only through the inter webs was a young, pitifully unattractive, girl. I'm sorry for my mistake "brother" and I wish you well on your journey.

Godfly

[Dr Laurence Niles]

Re: EMERGENCY Security Alert

When FM was passed out in my shed during "his" last embarrassing escapade "he" would occasionally sob in the most high pitched voice I have ever heard. When they finally dragged "him" from the shed "he" screamed so loud it broke every dish in my place. "He" had also dressed "himself" from a box if my late wife's clothes though this could have been to keep warm.

When I saw them cuff those thin hairless wrists of "his" I just assumed this Faith Machine I knew only through the inter webs was a young, pitifully unattractive, girl. I'm sorry for my mistake "brother" and I wish you well on your journey.

Godfly

So Faith Machine is actually a woman?

YIC