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As all True Christians know, evolution and global warming are nefarious plots perpetrated by so-called "scientists" in league with George Soros and Al Gore, in order to establish a New World Order based on Obamacare, vegan food, Islam and gay marriage. Of course, I needn't tell you all that, because if you've been watching Fox News or listening to Rush Limbaugh, you've heard it all before.
Unfortunately, impressionable young children are far more vulnerable to liberal lies. As long as Big Government runs the school system, your children are in grave danger of having their minds polluted by evil scientists and atheist union thugs (ie public school teachers). And don't get me started on "sex education," in which pedophile-homo teachers perform Satanic sexual rituals with your kids right in the classroom.
Obviously, the only way to keep your kids safe is to keep them out of school. If you don't have time to home school because you're too busy working three jobs at Wal-Mart, McDonald's and Taco Bell, you can of course just chain-and-padlock the brats onto a port-a-potty chair parked in front of a TV tuned to the Trinity Broadcast Network. Be sure to leave some soda pop and Doritos within easy reach, and hose them down every few days.
That having been said, I know that there are many doting Christian parents out there who DO have time to home school - especially women who are locked in the basement by their loving husbands who don't let them out except for Sunday church services or when they're needed to shovel the driveway during a blizzard.
So yes, I'm speaking to you, ladies. If you're going to home school your little bundle of joy, you'll need some good teaching materials, especially for the difficult topics like science which women are generally incapable of understanding. And you're in luck, because my company has just recently come out with a new series of educational Christian videos which we've produced in cooperation with such esteemed organizations like The Heritage Foundation, CATO Institute, and the Ku Klux Klan.
I'd like to draw your attention to our latest and greatest creation science video yet, The Hollow Earth:
As you might have learned if you went to an evil public school, so-called scientists have long claimed that the earth is composed of a relatively thin crust floating on what is more-or-less bubbling hot lava with a molten iron core at its center. But that is all a BIG LIE.
As it turns out, the earth is hollow. One reason we know this is that there are two large, hard-to-hide openings at the North and South Poles. However, thanks to the elitist liberal pseudo-intellectual science-conspiracy, the global climate sensing satellite known as AMSR did not fail last October due to its age (9 years, it was only designed for 6 years operation). Rather, it was intentionally shut down to "hide the truth." You see, that big white sheet of plastic over the North Pole that hid the entrance to the Hollow Earth got blown away by the wind. So "they" (liberals) had to shut down the satellite, or else we would have seen the entrance on the satellite photos.
But you needn't just take my word for it. Aside from the above-mentioned video, check out this excellent web site by Hollow Earth researcher Rodney M Cluff:
Of course, as you all know, my company is a world leader in financial innovation. Thus, I am pleased to announce that we are the first to start selling real estate in this new, exciting market. We've got a map up so you can choose your favorite prime location.
If you've ever dreamed of living or retiring in the Garden of Eden, now is your chance! Prices begin at just $100,000 per acre. But hurry - opportunities like this come just once in a lifetime.
Unfortunately, impressionable young children are far more vulnerable to liberal lies. As long as Big Government runs the school system, your children are in grave danger of having their minds polluted by evil scientists and atheist union thugs (ie public school teachers). And don't get me started on "sex education," in which pedophile-homo teachers perform Satanic sexual rituals with your kids right in the classroom.
Obviously, the only way to keep your kids safe is to keep them out of school. If you don't have time to home school because you're too busy working three jobs at Wal-Mart, McDonald's and Taco Bell, you can of course just chain-and-padlock the brats onto a port-a-potty chair parked in front of a TV tuned to the Trinity Broadcast Network. Be sure to leave some soda pop and Doritos within easy reach, and hose them down every few days.
That having been said, I know that there are many doting Christian parents out there who DO have time to home school - especially women who are locked in the basement by their loving husbands who don't let them out except for Sunday church services or when they're needed to shovel the driveway during a blizzard.
So yes, I'm speaking to you, ladies. If you're going to home school your little bundle of joy, you'll need some good teaching materials, especially for the difficult topics like science which women are generally incapable of understanding. And you're in luck, because my company has just recently come out with a new series of educational Christian videos which we've produced in cooperation with such esteemed organizations like The Heritage Foundation, CATO Institute, and the Ku Klux Klan.
I'd like to draw your attention to our latest and greatest creation science video yet, The Hollow Earth:
As you might have learned if you went to an evil public school, so-called scientists have long claimed that the earth is composed of a relatively thin crust floating on what is more-or-less bubbling hot lava with a molten iron core at its center. But that is all a BIG LIE.
As it turns out, the earth is hollow. One reason we know this is that there are two large, hard-to-hide openings at the North and South Poles. However, thanks to the elitist liberal pseudo-intellectual science-conspiracy, the global climate sensing satellite known as AMSR did not fail last October due to its age (9 years, it was only designed for 6 years operation). Rather, it was intentionally shut down to "hide the truth." You see, that big white sheet of plastic over the North Pole that hid the entrance to the Hollow Earth got blown away by the wind. So "they" (liberals) had to shut down the satellite, or else we would have seen the entrance on the satellite photos.
But you needn't just take my word for it. Aside from the above-mentioned video, check out this excellent web site by Hollow Earth researcher Rodney M Cluff:
The Hollow Earth
What is Our Hollow Earth like?
It is a terrestrial paradise,
...where the original Garden of Eden is located today
...where the Lost Tribes of Israel live
...where the Political Kingdom of God is located
...where the Lost Viking Colonies of Greenland migrated to
...where vanquished Germans migrated to after World War II
...where flying saucers come from
...where people live to be hundreds of years old in perfect health
...where peace and prosperity exists for everyone
...where Heaven is located (the inner sun)
Learn more from those that have been there!
What is Our Hollow Earth like?
It is a terrestrial paradise,
...where the original Garden of Eden is located today
...where the Lost Tribes of Israel live
...where the Political Kingdom of God is located
...where the Lost Viking Colonies of Greenland migrated to
...where vanquished Germans migrated to after World War II
...where flying saucers come from
...where people live to be hundreds of years old in perfect health
...where peace and prosperity exists for everyone
...where Heaven is located (the inner sun)
Learn more from those that have been there!
If you've ever dreamed of living or retiring in the Garden of Eden, now is your chance! Prices begin at just $100,000 per acre. But hurry - opportunities like this come just once in a lifetime.
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