[Lisa H]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

October 9, 2010: 7:30pm

The streets have been quiet lately, but as a crime-fighter like myself comes to learn very fast: there's always a calm before the eye of the storm.

From my vantage point in the bushes outside the Randal house I was afforded a perfect view into their dining room this evening, and I watched as they sat down to dinner. Window into a perfect American household, or a view to a crime? After their prayer little Johnny, aged 10, asked Mr. Randal if he could have a sip of wine. Mr. Randal, completely disregarding the underaged drinking laws in this state, agreed, and let little Johnny drink a thimblefull.

As the final drop of wine slid down Johnny's throat and he drunkenly stumbled back to his chair I kicked their front door down and stood in the front walkway. Mrs. Randal screamed and Mr. Randal grabbed a metal candle holder and stood ready to strike me with it. "Underaged drinking is a serious offense. I'm gonna have to take you in," I bellowed. "And I don't want to hear any... whining!" I then threw a net on Mr. Randal and dragged him out of the house as his wife hid in the closet with the children. I threw his worthless butt in the back of my crime-fighting car and drove him to the slammer. I left him in a fat law-breaking heap outside the back door and drove off wondering how much longer the people of this town are going to have to put up with crime like this before a real sheriff is ready to step up and clean up the streets.

November isn't too far away, Officer Richards.

What were you doing in the bushes perving into windows of peoples houses. What kind of depraved thoughts were racing through your mind. No wonder Mrs Randal and her son where hiding in fear. Mr Randal was trying to protect his family when you kidnapped him.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

Pardon me, Limp-Wristed Jackoff, but no Iowa state law was broken.

Iowa
- No one under the age of 21 is allowed to consume or posses alcohol, unless at a private home when the parent or guardian gives it to his/her child or ward and the said parent or guardian is present (supervising).

As you described, Mr. Randal, in his private home, gave alcohol to his child and was present, supervising.

I believe you now must turn yourself in for kidnapping, since your "citizen's arrest" was based on a law that does not exist.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

October 9, 2010: 7:30pm

The streets have been quiet lately, but as a crime-fighter like myself comes to learn very fast: there's always a calm before the eye of the storm.

From my vantage point in the bushes outside the Randal house I was afforded a perfect view into their dining room this evening, and I watched as they sat down to dinner. Window into a perfect American household, or a view to a crime? After their prayer little Johnny, aged 10, asked Mr. Randal if he could have a sip of wine. Mr. Randal, completely disregarding the underaged drinking laws in this state, agreed, and let little Johnny drink a thimblefull.

As the final drop of wine slid down Johnny's throat and he drunkenly stumbled back to his chair I kicked their front door down and stood in the front walkway. Mrs. Randal screamed and Mr. Randal grabbed a metal candle holder and stood ready to strike me with it. "Underaged drinking is a serious offense. I'm gonna have to take you in," I bellowed. "And I don't want to hear any... whining!" I then threw a net on Mr. Randal and dragged him out of the house as his wife hid in the closet with the children. I threw his worthless butt in the back of my crime-fighting car and drove him to the slammer. I left him in a fat law-breaking heap outside the back door and drove off wondering how much longer the people of this town are going to have to put up with crime like this before a real sheriff is ready to step up and clean up the streets.

November isn't too far away, Officer Richards.

I tried to hire you for my son's birthday last month, you didn't even have the decency to reply. You work for Obama, don't you

I was hoping that you would try to kidnap my child in a prank at the party.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Spring Heeled Jack's Crime Log

I'm really glad you brought this to my attention. I am going to have to check out the security footage captured on our cameras out back and see if we can't get a make, model, and license plate on the "crime-fighting vehicle."

Thanks for the tip.