[Levi Jones]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Do not attempt to rescue me… (no, really, don't)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Pastor B! Don't worry! We will save you. Shhhhhhh, thank me later. We can't lose you to Denmarkian harlots! You're coming back to Freehold, sir.

[Ezekiel Bathfire]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I sure envy you all, out there preaching the word of God and ministering to all of those filthy fallen women (and transexuals). [...]

Transsexuals!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, Pastor B! Don't worry! We will save you. Shhhhhhh, thank me later. We can't lose you to Denmarkian harlots! You're coming back to Freehold, sir.

Did you read Capt. Portway's post?! Ignore what I said, I want out of here! Where in Damnation are you!

I don't know where I am, here's a few photos of my surroundings, someone must recognize the place.

PS, you don't think that one in the top right is a transsexual do you?

[One-eyed Jack]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Where is everyone?? I just woke up in an alley. The nearest street appears to be named after a sneeze, something like Stagtagachoo!gade.

I don't know if I helped save Ilsabet's soul but gosh she sure is a pretty girl.

However, I may be receiving a punishment from God for not trying harder and longer. Does anyone know if there's a Biblical precedent for painful urination?

~~ OEJ

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Where is everyone?? I just woke up in an alley. The nearest street appears to be named after a sneeze, something like Stagtagachoo!gade.

I don't know if I helped save Ilsabet's soul but gosh she sure is a pretty girl.

However, I may be receiving a punishment from God for not trying harder and longer. Does anyone know if there's a Biblical precedent for painful urination?

~~ OEJ

Don't pisseth against the wall!
I'm lost too. I found another internet cafe, this time a real one. I'm catching the train back to Prague. This place is dangerous.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I'm still deep inside this lair of Swedish sodomites, and there's no end to the rebuking in sight! Satan has these nubile young boys speaking in tongues and contorting themselves into ungodly positions... When I first got here I tried to take them on one at a time, but now we're doing it in huge, sweaty, masculine groups! I won't be coming up for air until these boys are coming for JESUS!


...Or until they start charging again...


Keep the plane ready, captain Portway! And stay out of my liquor cabinet Bible locker!

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

The plane will of course be ready at a moments notice. If it's not too much trouble, could whoever is planning on coming back to the plane first bring me some food? I don't what they eat here, but I'm getting really tired of peanuts and Chex party mix.

And I would never get into your personal stuff Pastor, you can count on that. But I can't speak for the cleaning crew that came in to service the plane yesterday. The looked like Mexicans (except different) and they didn't speak a WORD of American! They all smelled a little like bacon too!

If anything is missing, especially alcohol, I'm sure they took it. And speaking of, did any of you all that flew over here take my hat with you when you went out ministering? I can't find it anywhere!

[Wide-Open]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

The plane will of course be ready at a moments notice. If it's not too much trouble, could whoever is planning on coming back to the plane first bring me some food?

Well Brother, now that everything is stitched back on, I'm to be released from hospital any minute now, and maybe we can do a goat BBQ? We could roast it in your afterburners.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

The plane will of course be ready at a moments notice. If it's not too much trouble, could whoever is planning on coming back to the plane first bring me some food? I don't what they eat here, but I'm getting really tired of peanuts and Chex party mix.

And I would never get into your personal stuff Pastor, you can count on that. But I can't speak for the cleaning crew that came in to service the plane yesterday. The looked like Mexicans (except different) and they didn't speak a WORD of American! They all smelled a little like bacon too!

If anything is missing, especially alcohol, I'm sure they took it. And speaking of, did any of you all that flew over here take my hat with you when you went out ministering? I can't find it anywhere!

No problem. Do you think you could talk them into letting me ride home somewhere else instead of the cargo hold?

I need to recharge my phone anyway and I'm getting tired of ministering to hookers. Those vitamin shots they keep giving me are making me sleepy, yet I continuously find myself craving them.

[eliot mayfield]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I'm in Berlin. They kicked me off the train for giving out Chick Tracts! Europe makes me angry. Could somebody send me some money so i can get a new train ticket?

[Capt. Aaron Portway]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Well Brother, now that everything is stitched back on, I'm to be released from hospital any minute now, and maybe we can do a goat BBQ? We could roast it in your afterburners.

As delicious as that sounds, you know the Pastors won't let me fire up the engines unless it's for church business. And not to be a nag, but do we have a tentative departure date?

I'm just a bit worried about my house. I know Freehold is The Safest Town in America™, but as my front door was hanging off of one hinge when I left (see my first post in this thread), I wonder if it would not be too much trouble for someone who is still in town to run by and check on things for me. And I have a sneaking feeling I may have left the water running in the back bathroom in all the hub-bub.

Oh, and I still can't find my hat.

[SUV]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I'm still deep inside this lair of Swedish sodomites

Pastor! I say, Pastor Ezekiel! Is there any chance you came across a Man of God? One "Pastor Kenneth" in particular?

He can't still be Coverting homer!s in San Francisco after six years' time. Surely© he must have run out by now

Just like he ran out on me

[Free Market Fred]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I just want everyone to know that I'm on my LearJet as I type this, flying to Copenhagen. I think that I need to check out this "conference" carefully, since it might hurt my business if the Chinks get on this global warming bandwagon. If they start some kind of "carbon tax," it might raise my costs by 10% and that would cost me millions.

I'm also going to look into this prostitute thing. It's just despicable what the liberals will do to attract attention. Like PETA, with their nude protests - I always go to check those out, to let them know how immoral it is.

I've brought along a couple of teenage Cambodian girls for the long flight to Copenhagen. I thought it would be interesting for them to pass the time doing "Bible study" during the long flight. I'm about to start a lesson on Sodom and Gomorrah, so I've got to run. More later.

Praise Jesus!
Brother Fred

[Buford T Scoggins]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

I don't know why the prostitutes are bothering to offer free sex to attendees of the global warming conference. Everyone knows that people who believe ini global warming are all homos.

Now, if they offered free sex to anyone who attends one of our tent revivals, I don't think we could find a tent big enough...



...erh, not that I'm suggesting we do this, you understand.

yours in Christ,
Brother Buford

[Wide-Open]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

Only four participants took it up

Susanne Møller is a sex worker in Copenhagen and the spokesperson for the Sex Workers Interest Group (SIO) that launched the “free sex” initiative.

The offer is for real, it's not a joke. But only four participants took it up so far. They have to email a copy of their COP badge as well as a picture ID to get a voucher for free sex, and I guess most would prefer to remain anonymous. It's not poor people coming here, delegates would probably prefer to pay for it and not reveal their identity.

I work from my own place but most sex workers are doing it in "clinics" (the Danish way of referring to brothels). Most girls are doing it only part-time; they rent a room at a "clinic" for an average of 1,000 - 1,500 krone per day (135 to 200 euros) and sell a 30 minute-"normal" sex session for 700 - 1,000 krone (95 to 135 euros).

Prostitution is completely legal in Denmark, but it's regarded as a social problem and you can't support social problems. If I want to join a union or insure my working place, it's impossible! We pay taxes but we are still discriminated against.

The city hall has launched this campaign to portray itself as taking care of its citizens, taking care of Copenhagen's image. They also claimed that a mini climate summit last May led to a prostitution boom, but we have seen no evidence of that"

Liars!

[Gabriel Reproba]

Re: Cream-filled Danish: Prostitutes offer free sex

As delicious as that sounds, you know the Pastors won't let me fire up the engines unless it's for church business. And not to be a nag, but do we have a tentative departure date?

I'm just a bit worried about my house. I know Freehold is The Safest Town in America™, but as my front door was hanging off of one hinge when I left (see my first post in this thread), I wonder if it would not be too much trouble for someone who is still in town to run by and check on things for me. And I have a sneaking feeling I may have left the water running in the back bathroom in all the hub-bub.

Oh, and I still can't find my hat.

I had my servant-girl stop by your place as soon as you posted this. It seems your PS3 and all of your games have been stolen along with you Hi-Def TV and popcorn machine. I had her lock up the house and turn off the tub. The water had only spilled into your basement, ruining that level, but had not gone up any further. I hope you didn't have anything (or anyone) special in the basement.

Now, to celebrate the return of our team from this important Mission for Christ I would like to offer to host a party in celebration. There will be a showing of Expelled: The Movie in Hi Def (along with fresh popcorn) and we will even have a game room for the kids where they can play Jesus in Space on the PS3.

Who's in?