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Please donate all you can to Pastor Ezekiel's Legal Defense Fund!
ATTENTION ALL MEMBERS OF LANDOVER BAPTIST CHURCH!
As we all know, our beloved Pastor Ezekiel Flint has been wrongfully imprisoned. I am grateful for all the kind words and support our faithful congregation has offered. However, all the prayer and the ram's horns won't be able to pay the exorbitant legal fees that are rapidly accumulating.
This is why I am petitioning you, as a humble pastor, the director of fundraising and tithing, and most importantly, a dear friend and brother in Christ to Pastor Zeke to ask you to open up your hearts and wallets and donate as much as you can!
The legal costs are staggering. We have assembled a top-notch team of extremely successful lawyers to present the facts in the case so that he will be released early and the charges will be dropped by the D.A. These lawyers make O.J.'s "Dream Team" look like a bunch of drop-outs from a correspondence law school. Unfortunately, they charge heavily for their services, with upwards of $10,000 an hour for some of them.
Besides the official costs, we must take special care of these attorneys. They are each currently staying in a four-star hotel with unlimited room service, as well as having transportation provided for them using some of the church's extensive limo fleet. There are also special advertising fees we must pay (we have put out full-page ads in both the Freehold Times and the Des Moines Register, as well as plans in advertising in USA Today, the Wall St. Journal, the New York Times, and Chicago Tribune) in order to convince the public that Pastor Zeke is indeed innocent and also to rebuild the image of Landover Baptist Church.
In order to promote the donation drive, we are offering special gifts to you so that you know your money is appreciated.
So please, donate everything you can! We need your support!
As we all know, our beloved Pastor Ezekiel Flint has been wrongfully imprisoned. I am grateful for all the kind words and support our faithful congregation has offered. However, all the prayer and the ram's horns won't be able to pay the exorbitant legal fees that are rapidly accumulating.
This is why I am petitioning you, as a humble pastor, the director of fundraising and tithing, and most importantly, a dear friend and brother in Christ to Pastor Zeke to ask you to open up your hearts and wallets and donate as much as you can!
The legal costs are staggering. We have assembled a top-notch team of extremely successful lawyers to present the facts in the case so that he will be released early and the charges will be dropped by the D.A. These lawyers make O.J.'s "Dream Team" look like a bunch of drop-outs from a correspondence law school. Unfortunately, they charge heavily for their services, with upwards of $10,000 an hour for some of them.
Besides the official costs, we must take special care of these attorneys. They are each currently staying in a four-star hotel with unlimited room service, as well as having transportation provided for them using some of the church's extensive limo fleet. There are also special advertising fees we must pay (we have put out full-page ads in both the Freehold Times and the Des Moines Register, as well as plans in advertising in USA Today, the Wall St. Journal, the New York Times, and Chicago Tribune) in order to convince the public that Pastor Zeke is indeed innocent and also to rebuild the image of Landover Baptist Church.
In order to promote the donation drive, we are offering special gifts to you so that you know your money is appreciated.
- Donations below $1,000 -- One name of your choice to be included in our weekly prayer requests.
- Donations between $1,000 - $5,000 - CD of Pastor Billy-Reuben's scientific explanation on why the sun is only 500 miles away, along with a poster illustrating the facts!
- Donations between $5,001 - $10,000 - Signed copy of Wash O'Hanley's upcoming book!
- Donations between $10,001 - $25,000 - One hour of private pastoral counseling with myself, Rev. Jim Osborne, where I can provide support and answer your questions and help you with your problems ($750 value!)
- Donations above $25,000 - Complimentary ride in one of our limos to and from next Sunday's services, (with unlimited beverage service) along with enjoying the Executive Lounge during the service. Comfortable massage chairs, a tropical brunch, and being able to view the service on a 72" flat-screen LCD screen.
So please, donate everything you can! We need your support!
Mr.Rev Jim, i busteds open my piggy banks an gotted the moneys out, 
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