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  • #181
    Re: Manly Jokes

    A husband says to his wife, "What would you do if I won the lottery?"

    She says, "I'd take half then leave you."

    "Excellent," he replies, "I won $10, here's $5 now clear off!"
    sigpic


    “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

    Author of such illuminating essays as,
    Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

    Comment

    • #182
      Re: Manly Jokes

      Q: What did the man say to his wife?
      A: I'm hungry. Go make me some dinner!

      Comment

      • #183
        Re: Manly Jokes

        Originally posted by proteastantguy View Post
        Q: What did the man say to his wife?
        A: I'm hungry. Go make me some dinner!
        Um, that's not funny it's just life.

        Comment

        • #184
          Re: Manly Jokes

          Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
          Um, that's not funny it's just life.
          That's why I posted it. But I wish that was life everywhere

          Comment

          • #185
            Re: Manly Jokes

            Originally posted by proteastantguy View Post
            That's why I posted it. But I wish that was life everywhere
            I could care less how life is everywhere, as long as that's how life is in my home, I'm happy.

            Comment

            • #186
              Re: Manly Jokes

              Originally posted by Brother Enoch View Post
              I could care less how life is everywhere, as long as that's how life is in my home, I'm happy.
              That's fair enough

              Comment

              • #187
                Re: Manly Jokes

                LOL @ Tell her once award!

                Comment

                • #188
                  Re: Manly Jokes

                  Whats 9 inches, lives in a man's pants, and girls like to blow it?



                  $20!







                  What did you think it was?
                  Who Will Jesus Damn?

                  Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

                  Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

                  Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

                  Comment

                  • #189
                    Re: Manly Jokes

                    Q: Why can't Gabrielle Giffords drive?

                    A: Because she's a woman!

                    sigpic

                    Comment

                    • #190
                      Re: Manly Jokes

                      Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with a tampon?

                      A: They are both stuck up cunts.
                      II Thessalonians 1:7-9
                      And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
                      In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
                      Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power
                      The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony

                      Comment

                      • #191
                        Re: Manly Jokes

                        Painting the Church

                        There was a Scottish painter named Smokey Macgregor who was very interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

                        As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but the Local Landover Baptist Church mission centre decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of one of their biggest buildings.

                        Smokey put in a bid, and, because his price was so competitive, he got the job. So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks, and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with white spirit.

                        Well, Smokey was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all over the building and knocking Smokey clear off the scaffold to land on the lawn, surrounded by telltale puddles of the thinned and useless paint.



                        Smokey was no fool. He knew this was a judgment from the Almighty, so he got down on his knees and cried:

                        "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"



                        And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke......








                        "Repaint! Repaint!

                        And thin nomore!"
                        Matthew 10:34
                        Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.

                        Comment

                        • #192
                          Re: Manly Jokes

                          Originally posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
                          Since we are alone here, I thought I'd share a few of my favorite jokes with you guys. Feel free to post your own.

                          Q: What do 10,000 "abused" women have in common?

                          A: They just wouldn't listen!



                          Q: What do you say to a woman with two black-eyes?

                          A: Nothing - you already told her twice!...


                          Q: Whats the first thing a beaten wife should do after coming back from hospital after the last "incident"?

                          A: The dishes if she know's whats good for her.

                          I find this thread disgusting. To joke about the sin of abusing a woman is not righteous. Somehow I don't think God will find these jokes funny. I pray that God works in all of your hearts.
                          Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his Maker: and he that is glad at calamities shall not be unpunished

                          Fools make a mockery of sin: but among the righteous there is favor.

                          Comment

                          • #193
                            Re: Manly Jokes

                            Originally posted by AdamE135 View Post
                            I find this thread disgusting. To joke about the sin of abusing a woman is not righteous. Somehow I don't think God will find these jokes funny. I pray that God works in all of your hearts.
                            Don't be such a wet blanket. God told us we are to have some laughter in our lives:

                            (Ecclesiastes 3:4) "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
                            sigpic

                            Comment

                            • #194
                              Re: Manly Jokes

                              Originally posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
                              Don't be such a wet blanket. God told us we are to have some laughter in our lives:

                              (Ecclesiastes 3:4) "A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance."
                              Yes, have laughter of course. But not at the exspense of others or of sin.
                              Whoso mocketh the poor reproacheth his Maker: and he that is glad at calamities shall not be unpunished

                              Fools make a mockery of sin: but among the righteous there is favor.

                              Comment

                              • #195
                                Re: Manly Jokes

                                Originally posted by AdamE135 View Post
                                Yes, have laughter of course. But not at the exspense of others or of sin.
                                Instead of coming in here and trying to boss people around, how about telling a joke of your own? One that you feel God would approve of, naturally.
                                sigpic

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