[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I did something unusual. I got a doctor at my house who confirmed I am blessed with the Covid-19!

As soon as the doctor started babbling about ventilators and medicine I kicked him out. He must have been confusing me with a Biden voter.

I haven't heard that ultra violets give you bat plague but that if you had The Symptoms and took the UV and recovered then, what you had, was the Corona.

I am not looking for any cures. If Jesus want's me to suffer, I will suffer (Romans 8:17)!

I feel truly horrible. I am in a lot of pain, especially when I try to breathe. Perhaps Jesus will finally allow me to go to Heaven.

My door is always open in case anyone also want to be blessed with the Covid-19!

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

So much blessing from God that you caught it; think of all those losers who forgot about Him and suffered. One leader stands out here. Of course I'm thinking of King Asa. What did he have? Gangrene? Chronic venous insufficiency? Diabetes? God knew and God acted!

II Chronicles 16:12-14b And Asa in the thirty and ninth year of his reign was diseased in his feet, until his disease was exceeding great: yet in his disease he sought not to the LORD, but to the physicians. And Asa slept with his fathers, and died in the one and fortieth year of his reign. And they buried him in his own sepulchres, which he had made for himself

This is a blessing in disguise; how much blessing can flow out from God? Enough to make us delirious? These were my thoughts reading about Asa but thinking isn't necessary and unhinged ravings have nothing to teach us about God.

II Timothy 1:7-9a For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me his prisoner: but be thou partaker of the afflictions of the gospel according to the power of God; Who hath saved us

Again a blessing in disguise; everyone can see this. Well, maniacs probably can't and some of the stuff out there sends people doolally waving their arms around like Hitler and generally seeming flipped out (quite apart from what they actually say) but that is not God. Those are not people under His dominion. They are not part of The Kingdom any more than Asa was.

Psalm 103:19-22 The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all. Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word. Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure. Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I am still blessed by feeling extremely horrible and almost being unable to breathe. I am constantly coughing up blood, no doubt from eating a lot of red meat.

In case I survive long enough, how exactly does one vote for Donald Trump without leaving the house? I don't want to disappoint Donald Trump by not voting simply because he blessed me with Covid-19.

[Isabella White]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I am still blessed by feeling extremely horrible and almost being unable to breathe. I am constantly coughing up blood, no doubt from eating a lot of red meat.

In case I survive long enough, how exactly does one vote for Donald Trump without leaving the house? I don't want to disappoint Donald Trump by not voting simply because he blessed me with Covid-19.

"In case I survive long enough ..." Oh, dear Brother Cranky! Please do not become discouraged -- Dear help us! For someone as faithful as yourself, you have nothing to fear. is with you -- now, and evermore. He will lead you every step of the way to that polling station. I mean, this is servant, President Trump, that we're speaking of, and needs all of the President's fervent supporters to get out and vote, so, He will be with you!

Psalm 34:7-9:
7 The angel of the encampeth round about them that fear , and delivereth them.
8 O taste and see that the is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in .
9 O fear the , ye his saints: for there is no want to them that fear .

Now, then, as for your coughing and other regrettable, icky situations, those should pose no worry when you're at the voting station. As you know, you will likely need to wear a mask -- but only to prevent those LIE-beral, hysterical Demonrats from calling the police to make false reports. And, goodness knows, if you should develop a bit of a cough whilst voting, and if anybody mentions something, just say, "seasonal allergies" and then ignore them. What they don't know won't hurt them, and it's not like you're under obligation to tell your business to busybodies, especially when we know that they will use any excuse to print you up in the fake news media, Dear!

[Basilissa]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I am still blessed by feeling extremely horrible and almost being unable to breathe. I am constantly coughing up blood, no doubt from eating a lot of red meat.

In case I survive long enough, how exactly does one vote for Donald Trump without leaving the house? I don't want to disappoint Donald Trump by not voting simply because he blessed me with Covid-19.

I am PRAYING that GOD gives you the STRENGTH to go VOTE tomorrow, Brother Cranky.




On a completely unrelated note, have you prepared your will and such? One never knows what's going to happen, and the church needs your estate and/or tithes now more than ever.

[handmaiden]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I am still blessed by feeling extremely horrible and almost being unable to breathe. I am constantly coughing up blood, no doubt from eating a lot of red meat.

In case I survive long enough, how exactly does one vote for Donald Trump without leaving the house? I don't want to disappoint Donald Trump by not voting simply because he blessed me with Covid-19.

As long as you dress warmly and keep a fresh handkerchief to hand, I don't see why you can't go out to vote. I'm sure the community would welcome your sage, solid presence. Just have a helper bring you a folding chair to sit on if you are required to wait in line. A man of your station in life shouldn't be forced to just stand around.

[MitzaLizalor]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Psalm 90:10 The days of our years are threescore years and ten; and if by reason of strength they be fourscore years, yet is their strength labour and sorrow; for it is soon cut off, and we fly away.

[Phony Tony Fauci]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I have to say, I find the disinformation about COVID on your church's forums to be appalling.

COVID is a very real disease that kills. If you don't believe me, ask any emergency room or intensive care doctor about their experiences. Until safe and effective vaccines are ready and widely distributed, which I hope will be in mid-2021, the best way to protect yourself is to avoid large gatherings, practice physical distancing, wash your hands well before every meal, and wear a mask. It isn't a matter of politics or religious faith or personal opinion, it's science.


I hope you all stay safe and healthy!

[Isabella White]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I have to say, I find the disinformation about COVID on your church's forums to be appalling.

COVID is a very real disease that kills. If you don't believe me, ask any emergency room or intensive care doctor about their experiences. Until safe and effective vaccines are ready and widely distributed, which I hope will be in mid-2021, the best way to protect yourself is to avoid large gatherings, practice physical distancing, wash your hands well before every meal, and wear a mask. It isn't a matter of politics or religious faith or personal opinion, it's science.

I hope you all stay safe and healthy!

Oh, my! How nice of you to be so very concerned for us, dear Mr. Phony Tony, but we have nothing to fear, here at . You see, we are protected by the shed of the , so a pesky, little Chinese flu virus means nothing here.

II Thessalonians 3:3 "But the is faithful, who shall stablish you, and keep you from evil."

Now, then, let's move onto other, more important issues, shall we? We would like it if you would kindly make your way to our cordial Introduction Forum, so that you can introduce yourself -- properly -- to the believers at . The link to our friendly forum is here:

https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=16

Whilst there, please pay very careful attention to our simple, but important, requests:

The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

We look forward to getting to know you, Dear.

[Joanna Lytton-Vasey]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

It's lovely to meet you, Doc. May I call you PT? It looks as though you'll have plenty of time on your hands soon, so I'm sure I speak for all True Christians™ here when I say I hope you'll stick around.

But really, there's absolutely no need to worry about us. We'll be absolutely fine, whatever happens. I'm much more concerned about you. At your age, you need to be taking it easy if you want to see your 80th birthday next month. And - much more important - you need to consider whether now is the time to abandon your "humanist" pretensions and get right with Jesus. It's entirely up to you, of course. But if you see sense, our pastors can help.

All the very best, PT. I will pray for you.
JL-V (Mrs)

[WWJDnow]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Hey, Fauci, if I were you, I'd worry less about the coronavirus and more about spit shining my resume.

[Basilissa]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I have to say, I find the disinformation about COVID on your church's forums to be appalling.

COVID is a very real disease that kills. If you don't believe me, ask any emergency room or intensive care doctor about their experiences. Until safe and effective vaccines are ready and widely distributed, which I hope will be in mid-2021, the best way to protect yourself is to avoid large gatherings, practice physical distancing, wash your hands well before every meal, and wear a mask. It isn't a matter of politics or religious faith or personal opinion, it's science.

I hope you all stay safe and healthy!

It is a well known fact, dear, that coronavirus disappears from the news effective today, because it was just a ploy by the Democrats to try to steal the elections.


As of today, nobody is wearing masks, and nobody dies of this nothingburger disease!

[Phony Tony Fauci]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

I am still blessed by feeling extremely horrible and almost being unable to breathe. I am constantly coughing up blood, no doubt from eating a lot of red meat.

I hope you've sought out proper medical attention. You belong in a hospital.

You see, we are protected by the shed of the , so a pesky, little Chinese flu virus means nothing here.

You haven't heard the expression, the Lord helps those who help themselves?

Now, then, let's move onto other, more important issues, shall we? We would like it if you would kindly make your way to our cordial Introduction Forum, so that you can introduce yourself -- properly

I don't have a lot of time these days, but I will do my best.

It's lovely to meet you, Doc. May I call you PT?

Thank you, and likewise. Tony or Anthony will be fine. I'm not sure who changed my name, but I'm concerned with your health, not the names that you call me. The President called me worse things in the Coronavirus Task Force meetings that I used to be invited to.

It looks as though you'll have plenty of time on your hands soon, so I'm sure I speak for all True Christians™ here when I say I hope you'll stick around.

It looks like many people in Washington will be looking for new jobs soon. I will go wherever I am most needed to fight disinformation and keep America safe from infectious diseases.

All the very best, PT. I will pray for you.

I thank you, and I wish you well, too.

[Didymus Much]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

...You haven't heard the expression, the Lord helps those who help themselves?...

Of course they've heard it. So they looked for it in their King James Bibles and... it's not in there. So they look at it as one more thing that the faithless and hellbound console themselves with when their prayers don't work.


Welcome to Landover.

[Phony Tony Fauci]

Re: Advice needed: What is the fastest way to get Covid-19?

Of course they've heard it. So they looked for it in their King James Bibles and... it's not in there. So they look at it as one more thing that the faithless and hellbound console themselves with when their prayers don't work.

I'm no theologian, but doesn't James 4:17 tell us:


Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.


Everyone's prayers are welcome, but following a few simple rules will keep us all much safer in the midst of a pandemic. There are plenty of devout people of all religions who were diligent in their prayers yet still perished from COVID.

Welcome to Landover.

Thank you.