[Basilissa]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

I'm beginning to think he's a man-witch, Sister. Maybe he married your voodoo doll. I don't like to think of the honeymoon.

Eww! That's just disgusting!

[Troubled christian]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

You stealthily married her just now? All the way from the East Coast? Dang!

Yes i did since the bible permits i have 7 wives.
1 Kings 11:3 - And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.

Judges 8:30 - And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives.

2 Chronicles 13:21 - But Abijah waxed mighty, and married fourteen wives, and begat twenty and two sons, and sixteen daughters.

1 Chronicles 4:5 - And Ashur the father of Tekoa had two wives, Helah and Naarah.


While she ain't wife (till the kids are stoned) i still have the right to boss around a woman now stop trying to get me to stop reading my bible i have been reading all day. Now let me get back to the parts were i get told how to treat my slaves.



Also i realize i have not been obeying landover baptist church recently and i must send them my tithes how much should i give them and where? I only have a thousand loose dollars i can give unless you want me to turn and give it to the pentecostals?

[Basilissa]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

Yes i did since the bible permits i have 7 wives.

1 Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

Also compare with Titus 3:1 and Hebrews 13:17. I don't think any jurisdiction in the USA allows polygamy. Why do you insist on breaking God's commandments, then?

While she ain't wife (till the kids are stoned)

Are you planning to stone your kids in the OT meaning, or the 21th century meaning? (In any case, neither is advisable in the light of the US laws).

Also, I do not recall my father making any arrangements with you, so no, we're neither married nor engaged, sweetie!

i still have the right to boss around a woman

Hint: Always support your statements with appropriate Scripture.

now stop trying to get me to stop reading my bible i have been reading all day.

You've been reading the Bible only for a day?!

Now, that explains A LOT of things!

Now let me get back to the parts were i get told how to treat my slaves.

You should start with that verses I so helpfully provided at the beginning of that post, sweetie.

Also i realize i have not been obeying landover baptist church recently and i must send them my tithes how much should i give them and where? I only have a thousand loose dollars i can give unless you want me to turn and give it to the pentecostals?

Are you trying to bribe us? As Sister Mary E. has recently explained in another thread, churches are not supposed to receive money from unsaved trash.

[Troubled christian]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

1 Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

Also compare with Titus 3:1 and Hebrews 13:17. I don't think any jurisdiction in the USA allows polygamy. Why do you insist on breaking God's commandments, then?

Are you planning to stone your kids in the OT meaning, or the 21th century meaning? (In any case, neither is advisable in the light of the US laws).

Also, I do not recall my father making any arrangements with you, so no, we're neither married nor engaged, sweetie!

Hint: Always support your statements with appropriate Scripture.

You've been reading the Bible only for a day?!

Now, that explains A LOT of things!

You should start with that verses I so helpfully provided at the beginning of that post, sweetie.

Are you trying to bribe us? As Sister Mary E. has recently explained in another thread, churches are not supposed to receive money from unsaved trash.

The first the latter is sinful but ill be freed once a Christian gets into office and restores us back to the traditional times.


Your father? i thought i had already paid him 50 shekels of silver? maybe he just did not tell you yet.


I have read the bible for years but maybe now i am just starting to grasp it more.

[Basilissa]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

The first the latter is sinful but ill be freed once a Christian gets into office and restores us back to the traditional times.

In the meantime, you're breaking God's commandments by not following the law. Which part of "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake" is so hard to understand, sweetie?

Your father? i thought i had already paid him 50 shekels of silver? maybe he just did not tell you yet.

Proverbs 19:9 A false witness shall not be unpunished, and [he that] speaketh lies shall perish.
Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

I have read the bible for years but maybe now i am just starting to grasp it more.

That is good news indeed.

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: My introduction and my make-believe story as an attempted christian

If this TC is a True Christian I'll eat the pope's goofy fish-faced hat.

13 For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ.
14 And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light.
15 Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.
2 Corinthians 11:13-15

[Troubled christian]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

In the meantime, you're breaking God's commandments by not following the law. Which part of "Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake" is so hard to understand, sweetie?


Proverbs 19:9 A false witness shall not be unpunished, and [he that] speaketh lies shall perish.
Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

That is good news indeed.

Don't worry i have burned my mixed clothing with frabics and have dedicated myself to the lord,


As for marriage not yet have i married my 8th future wife but i must consult her father about this one.


And i am on the path of repentance after decades of living a lie.

[Brother Gonzalez]

Re: My introduction and my make-believe story as an attempted christian

Maybe you are King, fellow OP?

Because in that case, you have wine forbidden:


Proverbs 31:4-9

4 It is not for kings, O Lemuel, it is not for kings to drink wine; nor for princes strong drink:
5 Lest they drink, and forget the law, and pervert the judgment of any of the afflicted.
6 Give strong drink unto him that is ready to perish, and wine unto those that be of heavy hearts.
7 Let him drink, and forget his poverty, and remember his misery no more.
8 Open thy mouth for the dumb in the cause of all such as are appointed to destruction.
9 Open thy mouth, judge righteously, and plead the cause of the poor and needy.


Notice that, it is said that if you are poor, you are permited to drink a little bit more. How great is God!


Otherwise, drink wine with a merry heart:




Ecclesiastes 9:5-7

5 For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten.
6 Also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither have they any more a portion for ever in any thing that is done under the sun.

7 Go thy way, eat thy bread with joy, and drink thy wine with a merry heart; for God now accepteth thy works.


Now I feel like I'm perishing, so I'm going to pour some bourbon. I guess this is ok, but I would like some True Christian Advice here

Of course, this is rookie advice, you should follow what white True Christian say.

[handmaiden]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

I still have to warn you guys not to become too merry with wine however Jesus does not want drunkards into heaven and if you drink too much wine you become a drunkard. So you fellow Christians better watch out or if you can't control yourself then you must destroy your wine.

Oh, I can control myself. You have no concept regarding the level of control that I am exerting at this very moment.


Oh-so-very-properly Yours,


Handmaiden

[Leroy Llewelyn]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

Yes i did since the bible permits i have 7 wives.
1 Kings 11:3 - And he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines: and his wives turned away his heart.

Lawlz, may I suggest you read the entire chapter before you try to use this cherry-picked verse to try to support your argument when it actually refutes it, unsaved trash.

Judges 8:30 - And Gideon had threescore and ten sons of his body begotten: for he had many wives.

Care to show where it's said he was married to them concurrently? It's not as if women didn't routinely die during childbirth, 3,000 years ago.

2 Chronicles 13:21 - But Abijah waxed mighty, and married fourteen wives, and begat twenty and two sons, and sixteen daughters.

Care to show where it's said he was married to them concurrently? It's not as if women didn't routinely die during childbirth, 3,000 years ago.

1 Chronicles 4:5 - And Ashur the father of Tekoa had two wives, Helah and Naarah.

Care to show where it's said he was married to them concurrently?


You should stick to video games and porn, wretched heathen trash, the Lord allows us to see straight through your pathetic act.

Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
Ephesians 5:6

Yours in Christ,
Leroy Llewellyn

[Troubled christian]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

Oh, I can control myself. You have no concept regarding the level of control that I am exerting at this very moment.


Oh-so-very-properly Yours,


Handmaiden

Just keep praying to God for him to show you your limit.

[handmaiden]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

Just keep praying to God for him to show you your limit.

On this forum, the True Believers refer to God as Him, not "him". And the blessings of the Lord upon me are boundless, so limits aren't a concern for me. . . And neither are you. I trust Jesus to know how to deal with your sort.


Relaxingly Yours,


Handmaiden

[I Man Rastafari]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

Various indignities removed

My friend I am afraid you have angered these white people. I have found them to be very cordial and welcoming to me even though I am a Black man and Rastafari. I have not been under rebuke for some time now and I feel it is because of the great love these Baptists have developed for me. I have found the secret of success in dealing with white people is to never argue with them. That is my advice to you.

Jah Guide
Trevor

[BrotherLarry]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

My friend I am afraid you have angered these white people. I have found them to be very cordial and welcoming to me even though I am a Black man and Rastafari. I have not been under rebuke for some time now and I feel it is because of the great love these Baptists have developed for me. I have found the secret of success in dealing with white people is to never argue with them. That is my advice to you.

Jah Guide
Trevor

Trevor Boy,

The reason you are here is because you keep yourself in your proper place. Never can it be said that the True Christians(TM) of Landover Baptist Church or its many worldwide ministries have ever been racist or segregationist as long as the lesser races cooperated with the mandates of the Church. You have not attempted to proseletyze the faithful into your false religion, and you have been welcoming to newcomers. It's almost as if you did a tap dance for each arrival, keeping them entertained as is your role in this world.

I wouldn't get too cocky or arrogant, since of course yours is a tenuous perch. We know at the end of life's road you'll find yourself in unless you reject the fake, drug infested practice of Rastafarianology, and dedicate yourself to glorifying . (The real one)

I continue to pray for you for a few seconds each day, although it is probably wasted time. I better let you get back to your pie stealing and tap dancing for now. All of the men here are watching you closely, so don't get too close to the gated community. Enjoy our friendly, welcoming forums, now!

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

[Troubled christian]

Re: My introduction and my story as a christian

Trevor Boy,

The reason you are here is because you keep yourself in your proper place. Never can it be said that the True Christians™ of Landover Baptist Church or its many worldwide ministries have ever been racist or segregationist as long as the lesser races cooperated with the mandates of the Church. You have not attempted to proseletyze the faithful into your false religion, and you have been welcoming to newcomers. It's almost as if you did a tap dance for each arrival, keeping them entertained as is your role in this world.

I wouldn't get too cocky or arrogant, since of course yours is a tenuous perch. We know at the end of life's road you'll find yourself in unless you reject the fake, drug infested practice of Rastafarianology, and dedicate yourself to glorifying . (The real one)

I continue to pray for you for a few seconds each day, although it is probably wasted time. I better let you get back to your pie stealing and tap dancing for now. All of the men here are watching you closely, so don't get too close to the gated community. Enjoy our friendly, welcoming forums, now!

COME, LORD JESUS!
BrotherLarry

I will do the same for him since it is clear he needs to repent of his false religion and he needs to worship the one true God instead of his heretic Gods.