[Rachael Van Helsing]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Sounds like you both could uses a few days in my Bible class! Step 5 in my twelve step process to having "Great Sex In Christ" is "Spare the rod, spoil the wife" but I'm talking about the Godrod! Often christian women become disobedeient and neglectful of their day to day duties when their husbands forget to give them their nightly innoculation against virginity.

The 'godrod'?????

Your poor husband/partner/boyfriend! If you tell him every night to give you the 'godrod', then how is it that he manages not to giggle uncontrollably to the point of said rod not being able to function in a sexual capacity? *snicker*

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Sounds like you both could uses a few days in my Bible class! Step 5 in my twelve step process to having "Great Sex In Christ" is "Spare the rod, spoil the wife" but I'm talking about the Godrod! Often christian women become disobedeient and neglectful of their day to day duties when their husbands forget to give them their nightly innoculation against virginity.

When was the last time you knew her? (As in, how Ham knew Noah when he was drunk and passed out in his tent?)

Lady, I don't know what kind of perverted lifestyle YOU lead, but I have remained chaste from sister Thumper lo these many months. I have not even bethrothed her yet, much less had our relationship sanctified by Jesus. True Christians™ do not engage in whoredoms or fornications. It sounds to me like you are encouraging blatant, stinking sin!

What are you a Universalist Unitarian or something? They aren't even Christians!

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

I never thought of that, but that's an interesting thought. MOst of my techniques involve reading scripture together, or if that does not work, I had one colored gentleman tell me he slammed the Good Book shut on his genitals, over and over. I'm not recommending this, but he swears by it!

I can see how that could have its advantages, but only as long as he clearly marked the book he was using and everyone else knew not to touch it. I'd hate to accidentally touch a Bible that had the AIDS on it.

Okay, WTF? I know plenty of white whores. In fact I know more white whores than black whores.

Friend, A ) no-one's convinced by your claim to know women, and
B ) Polacks don't count as white.

You do know she is a filthy infrasexual whore who got out of jail because her syphilis might spread throughout the prison population? Is it really proper to place the holy halo of the enlightened bodhisattvas' on the head of a drunken infraconscious slut with a VD?

You do know that unless you learn to speak English and get right with Christ, you're in line to get a whole bunch of infraconsciousaction points heaped on your empty little head?

And anyway, your name sounds like a lady who could use a little Godrod in her baby vault! Don't you know that unlike the Pope-dopes, we believe in birth control these days? And intercourse suring menses is on the table, thanks to Jesus suffering on the blood-soaked cross.

Where in the Bible does it say that?

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Where in the Bible does it say that?

Dear Brother Temperance,

Galatians 3:23-25:
"Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law."

Rituals and rules found in the Old Testament were given to Israel.
Christians are no longer bound by these laws. By faith we live in Jesus Christ, not in Leviticus!

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Lady, I don't know what kind of perverted lifestyle YOU lead, but I have remained chaste from sister Thumper lo these many months. I have not even bethrothed her yet, much less had our relationship sanctified by Jesus. True Christians™ do not engage in whoredoms or fornications. It sounds to me like you are encouraging blatant, stinking sin!

What are you a Universalist Unitarian or something? They aren't even Christians!

Pastor Ezekiel
I'm sorry if I upset you, I assumed wrongly that you were married! Of course I don't teach fornication. But where in the New Testament Bible does it say a wife and husband can't have a mutually satisfying sex life through Christ Jesus?

[Brother V]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Rituals and rules found in the Old Testament were given to Israel.
Christians are no longer bound by these laws. By faith we live in Jesus Christ, not in Leviticus!

WHOOOOOOOAAAAA!!!!

Hold your horses there young'n.

Friend, you seem to have forgotten (if you ever knew) what Jesus said about those laws found in Leviticus.

Matthew 5:18 For verily I say unto you, Till heaven and earth pass, one jot or one tittle shall in no wise pass from the law, till all be fulfilled.

Friend, until Jesus comes back, all of those laws aren't fulfilled.

We are still under THE LAW!!!

God didn't change.

Hebrews 13:8 Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever.

Why do you expect HIM to change to YOUR wishes?

You should really consider bending to His desires (which are pretty much spelled out in Leviticus and Deuteronomy).

YIC
V

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

That doesn't sound like God is in favor of birth control to me! I'm starting to wonder if you even are on the narrow path to salvation or if you're just another heathen here to mock.

1 Corinthians 7:5 Do not deprive each other, except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, to be free for prayer, but then return to one another, so that Satan may not tempt you through your lack of self-control.

The Bible says that the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church. Would Christ say to the Chrurch, I'm going to force you to be pregnant even though we can't afford another child? No, out of loving concern Jesus would take precautions before penetrating the congregation. To refrain altogether could lead to adultery!


Sounds like your prudish discomfort may have to do with brainwashing from your papist days.

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

You should really consider bending to His desires (which are pretty much spelled out in Leviticus and Deuteronomy).

YIC
V

Excuse me "Brother V" but it does not look to me like you keep a kosher diet, or wear blue tassels on your clothes, or sow your garden according to the old testament. Have you stoned your neighbor or plucked out your son's eye lately? Shall I give you a refresher on the rules? Or do you just pick and choose as convenient?

"...Brothers, you know that in the early days God chose me to be the one among you through whom the Gentiles would hear the message of the gospel and believe. 8 God, who knows everyone's heart, showed them he approved by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us. 9 He made no distinction between them and us, because he cleansed their hearts by faith. 10 So why do you test God by putting on the disciples' neck a yoke that neither our ancestors nor we could carry? 11 We certainly believe that it is through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ that we are saved, just as they are."
--Acts 15:7b-11

"For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under Law but under grace".

[Brother Temperance]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Dear Brother Temperance,

Galatians 3:23-25:
"Before this faith came, we were held prisoners by the law, locked up until faith should be revealed. So the law was put in charge to lead us to Christ that we might be justified by faith. Now that faith has come, we are no longer under the supervision of the law."

Um, nowhere in the Bible does it say that. You are clearly using a fake Bible, probably purchased at a joke shop, so there is no need to pay attention to anything you say.

[Brother V]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Excuse me "Brother V" but it does not look to me like you keep a kosher diet, or wear blue tassels on your clothes, or sow your garden according to the old testament. Have you stoned your neighbor or plucked out your son's eye lately? Shall I give you a refresher on the rules? Or do you just pick and choose as convenient?

"...Brothers, you know that in the early days God chose me to be the one among you through whom the Gentiles would hear the message of the gospel and believe. 8 God, who knows everyone's heart, showed them he approved by giving them the Holy Spirit, just as he did to us. 9 He made no distinction between them and us, because he cleansed their hearts by faith. 10 So why do you test God by putting on the disciples' neck a yoke that neither our ancestors nor we could carry? 11 We certainly believe that it is through the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ that we are saved, just as they are."
--Acts 15:7b-11

"For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under Law but under grace".

Friend, I follow the whole Bible (KJV1611). Is it refresher course time?

Are you familiar with Acts 10?

11 And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending upon him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth:

12 Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air.

13 And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat.

14 But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean.

15 And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.

Why don't we stone our harlot neighbours? Friend, that is illegal according to man's laws. We are commanded in 1 Peter 2 to follow ALL of mans laws.

13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.

15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

That is why we are praying for the day (and actively voting for the Bible (kjv1611) ) when we are once again allowed to stone homers, witches and disobedient children.

YIC
V

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Friend, I follow the whole Bible (KJV1611). Is it refresher course time?

Are you familiar with Acts 10?

11 And saw heaven opened, and a certain vessel descending upon him, as it had been a great sheet knit at the four corners, and let down to the earth:

12 Wherein were all manner of fourfooted beasts of the earth, and wild beasts, and creeping things, and fowls of the air.

13 And there came a voice to him, Rise, Peter; kill, and eat.

14 But Peter said, Not so, Lord; for I have never eaten any thing that is common or unclean.

15 And the voice spake unto him again the second time, What God hath cleansed, that call not thou common.

Why don't we stone our harlot neighbours? Friend, that is illegal according to man's laws. We are commanded in 1 Peter 2 to follow ALL of mans laws.

13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;

14 Or unto governors, as unto them that are sent by him for the punishment of evildoers, and for the praise of them that do well.

15 For so is the will of God, that with well doing ye may put to silence the ignorance of foolish men:

That is why we are praying for the day (and actively voting for the Bible (kjv1611) ) when we are once again allowed to stone homers, witches and disobedient children.

YIC
V

This is indeed very confusing. I guess I'll just have to "lean not unto my own understanding" when it comes to these fickle rules, until I consult with our Head Deacon. Pray for me!

My expertise is on improving the marriage bed, anyway. If you would you l ike to know what Christ has to say about that, ie, oral sex or "threesomes" within marriage, perhaps I can be of service to you or your wife?

[Brother V]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

This is indeed very confusing. I guess I'll just have to "lean not unto my own understanding" when it comes to these fickle rules, until I consult with our Head Deacon. Pray for me!

My expertise is on improving the marriage bed, anyway. If you would you l ike to know what Christ has to say about that, ie, oral sex or "threesomes" within marriage, perhaps I can be of service to you or your wife?

Oral Sex is covered under most sodomy laws. (I defer again to 1 Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;)

U.S. Sodomy Laws

So, are you also aware of what your local laws have to say about the legality of what you think is acceptable behaviour?

If you are saying it's ok for people to engage in oral sex. You (claiming to be from Georgia) should know that some forms of oral sex are illegal.

Secular News Source.

Georgia legislators changed the law in 2006 to make oral sex among teens a misdemeanor.

So, being in Georgia, are you telling your people that after they have oral sex that they need to pray for forgiveness?

Lets take this further.

Are you familiar with the Book of Amos (it's more Old Testament stuff)?

In Amos 1:3, God says: 3 Thus saith the LORD; For three transgressions of Damascus, and for four, I will not turn away the punishment thereof; because they have threshed Gilead with threshing instruments of iron:

That's right, God doesn't forgive unlimited amounts of time. God only forgives 4 times. On the fifth sin, God gets really angry. He knows that you don't mean it when you ask for forgiveness. 4 But I will send a fire into the house of Hazael, which shall devour the palaces of Benhadad.

5 I will break also the bar of Damascus, and cut off the inhabitant from the plain of Aven, and him that holdeth the sceptre from the house of Eden: and the people of Syria shall go into captivity unto Kir, saith the LORD.

"Going down" on your lover may be illegal in certain jurisdictions. One must be aware of the local laws, in order to prevent committing a sin. As you should know, ignorance of the law is no excuse.

Do you really want to tempt the Lord with trivialities like a "blow job" when that time should be spent making Soldiers for Christ?

YIC
V

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Oral Sex is covered under most sodomy laws. (I defer again to 1 Peter 2:13 Submit yourselves to every ordinance of man for the Lord's sake: whether it be to the king, as supreme;)


YIC
V

Brother V, I am aware of all the laws of my state, and the laws of my God. I will defer to you, since I would rather not be thrice smothered with streaming wads of scripture. Perhaps your wife would enjoy a good dowsing?

[Brother V]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Brother V, I am aware of all the laws of my state, and the laws of my God. I will defer to you, since I would rather not be thrice smothered with streaming wads of scripture. Perhaps your wife would enjoy a good dowsing?

What kind of a christian are you that doesn't like to be inundated with the Words of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ as set forth in the Bible (kjv1611).

2 Timothy 3:16 All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

But, you don't seem to want to read what God has to say, you'd rather talk about threesomes and blowjobs.

YIC
V

[Betty Lambskin]

Re: I am NOT UNSAVED TRASH ! please explain

Let's see what God's Word has to say about fellatio:

his:
" Like an apple tree among the trees of the forest, so is my beloved among the young men. In his shade I took great delight and sat down, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. "(Song of Solomon 2:3)

hers: " Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south; make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits! " (Song of Solomon 4:16)