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  • Vorobye
    Unsaved trash
    Under Investigation
    • Dec 2010
    • 3

    #1

    I seek guidance

    Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ!

    This forum came under my humble attention after hearing about it from felow Belgians. Apparently there is a thread saying God hates Belgium.

    This might very well be possible.

    As you all know we have recently discovered a mass of pedhopile priests.
    These men, under the false claim of being a Priest for The Lord, layed their hand on young boys, whose intentions were of a pure and innocent kind,
    to serve the Lord and God the Father.

    Therefor I seek guidance, how to escape the poisoneous influence of the devils in disguise, causing our Churches to remain empty,
    and how to live a life that will please God, as in how to become a true Christian in these dark times?
  • Gabriel Reproba
    Head Attorney of Landover's Legal Team
    The Most Honest Lawyer in America
    True Christian™
    • Nov 2009
    • 2479

    #2
    Re: I seek guidance

    Originally posted by Vorobye View Post
    Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ!
    Welcome, but are you saying that you speak for God, or that you ARE God? Either way, I suggest you rephrase this right away.

    Apparently there is a thread saying God hates Belgium.
    You can use the search function to find the famous thread.

    Therefor I seek guidance, how to escape the poisoneous influence of the devils in disguise, causing our Churches to remain empty, and how to live a life that will please God, as in how to become a true Christian in these dark times?
    Simple...

    Step 1: Read the King James Bible

    Step 2: Do whatever it says

    Step 3: Go to step 1.
    Yours In Christ,

    Gabriel Reproba, Esq. (Lawyer for the Lord)

    Further reading to help you become a True Christian™

    Stoning Sinners: A How-To Guide
    Scientific Study: Bible is NOT "All About Love"
    The One Sin Jesus Says He Won't EVER Forgive!
    Should we only follow SOME of the Bible?
    How will YOU sacrifice your kids?
    20 Questions To See If Your Son Is A Fag
    God: Dress Like A Whore...Get Raped!
    Bible: If You Love Your Wife, Beat Her!
    Logic and Bible Agree: Gay is a choice!
    Nursery Rhymes Teach kids that Christ is Lord!
    There is no such thing as an "agnostic!"
    Science: People are Only Islamic Because They are Depressed!

    Reading only the parts of the Bible your pastor tells you to (those that make you feel warm and fuzzy) is nothing but mental and spiritual masturbation. Read the WHOLE Bible to find out what Christianity is REALLY all about! Only then can you talk to us about why we try so hard to save people from Hell.

    Comment

    • Lost Sheep McUinnean
      Linguistics and Translation Consultant
      True Christian™
      • Nov 2009
      • 2193

      #3
      Re: I seek guidance

      Welcome. Bienvenue. Wilkommen.

      Yes, God does indeed hate Belgium I'm afraid, but then again most Belgians do too.

      Tell us about yourself.
      Favourite Bible Verse?
      Religion?
      Are you trilingual? If so, what do you aim to do to remedy that?
      Are you married?
      How did God bring you here , to God's favourite Forum?



      YiC, McUinnean, of that Ilk.

      Comment

      • Vorobye
        Unsaved trash
        Under Investigation
        • Dec 2010
        • 3

        #4
        Re: I seek guidance

        @ Gabriel Reproba

        My greeting is perhaps formed in a rather misleading way, therefor if offer my apologies. English is not my native language, let us not be over-corrective on things we all understand.

        @ Lost Sheep McUinnean


        Thanks for the welcome!

        I am 20 years young, and, as you all know by know, live in Belgium.

        Favorite Bible verse:
        Ephesians 2:15
        His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace.

        Relegion:
        I was raised Catholic, and I have a certain fascination for the Bible.
        Especially the Apocalypse, is a book to think about on dark, cold evenings.

        Trilingual:
        Yes, but not as in 'Belgian'-trilingual. I do not speak German.
        Dutch and French, because those are the languages i was raised in,
        and English, because this was learned to me in school.
        A remedy to this is not necessary. One can reach and understand
        more people, when one has the capabilty of communicating in different languages.

        How did God bring me here?
        I do not think God brought me here, as I do not see God as an 'interactive'
        power, rather inspiring power.

        Comment

        • Lost Sheep McUinnean
          Linguistics and Translation Consultant
          True Christian™
          • Nov 2009
          • 2193

          #5
          Re: I seek guidance

          Originally posted by Vorobye View Post
          @ Gabriel Reproba

          My greeting is perhaps formed in a rather misleading way, therefor if offer my apologies. English is not my native language, let us not be over-corrective on things we all understand.

          Don't worry. We're very tolerant. We try to understand bad English from foreigners, despite the obvious inconveniences this causes us.


          Originally posted by Vorobye View Post
          @ Lost Sheep McUinnean

          Favorite Bible verse:
          Ephesians 2:15
          His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace.

          Relegion:
          I was raised Catholic, and I have a certain fascination for the Bible.
          Especially the Apocalypse, is a book to think about on dark, cold evenings.
          Why?

          Originally posted by Vorobye View Post
          Trilingual:
          Yes, but not as in 'Belgian'-trilingual. I do not speak German.
          Dutch and French, because those are the languages i was raised in,
          and English, because this was learned to me in school.
          A remedy to this is not necessary. One can reach and understand
          more people, when one has the capabilty of communicating in different languages.
          Well as long as American is one of them that's fine by God. And who am I to argue. I'm a linguist myself. I agree about the ability to spread the Word through communication. So far so good.

          Originally posted by Vorobye View Post
          How did God bring me here?
          I do not think God brought me here, as I do not see God as an 'interactive'
          power, rather inspiring power.
          Ah. Now that's where you're wrong. You should stick around and learn about God. I don't have time right now to fill you in as I'm going offline but feel free to ask any of the Pastors or Biblical Experts here and they'll have you fixed and cured in no time.

          Again, welcome.

          YiC, McUinnean, of this welcoming Ilk.

          Comment

          • Ezekiel Bathfire
            Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
            Christ's Rottweiler
             
            • Jan 2008
            • 22912

            #6
            Re: I seek guidance

            Originally posted by Vorobye View Post
            Grace and peace to you from God the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ!

            Therefor I seek guidance, how to escape the poisoneous influence of the devils in disguise, causing our Churches to remain empty,
            and how to live a life that will please God, as in how to become a true Christian in these dark times?
            It is not a church that causes these problems, it is the anti-Christ who rules from the Vatican. Stop being a mary-worshiping Catholic and you will be safe from molestation.

            Originally posted by Vorobye View Post
            @ Gabriel Reproba

            I was raised Catholic,
            I told you to stop being Catlick!

            How did God bring me here?
            His ways are Mysterious and cannot be understood by man.
            sigpic


            “We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

            Author of such illuminating essays as,
            Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.

            Comment

            • Vorobye
              Unsaved trash
              Under Investigation
              • Dec 2010
              • 3

              #7
              Re: I seek guidance

              Originally posted by Lost Sheep McUinnean View Post
              @ Lost Sheep McUinnean





              Why?



              Well as long as American is one of them that's fine by God. And who am I to argue. I'm a linguist myself. I agree about the ability to spread the Word through communication. So far so good.



              Ah. Now that's where you're wrong. You should stick around and learn about God. I don't have time right now to fill you in as I'm going offline but feel free to ask any of the Pastors or Biblical Experts here and they'll have you fixed and cured in no time.

              Again, welcome.

              YiC, McUinnean, of this welcoming Ilk.
              Why? As on the Bible verse:
              My interpretation of it, is that of a personal sacrifice in order te enhance
              the situation of others.

              As on the fascination of Apocalypse on dark cold evenings:
              These are the evenings that I easily find myself in a more peacefull condition. Thus being able to think in a more focussed way on how to
              interpretate the things written in Apocalyps.

              Filling me in might not be necessary. Just provide me with enough time,
              and I will eventually read what I need to know and learn about God.

              I hope these answers were somewhat satisfying.

              Comment

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