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Hellooooo Christians!!!
Hi, my name is Daniel. I’m super, thanks for asking. I’ve recently graduated from B.A.S.H (Yay, me!!). I was confused with the democrats, liberal media and secular science telling folks like me that we was normal and born this way and it’s brain chemistry and animals do it too. Gee whiz, it’s enough to scramble a man’s mind so he don’t know a butt hole from a va-jay-jay. There ain’t no chemistry in my head, it ain’t normal, the jews run the secular media to destroy the Christian family and I ain’t a gosh darn animal (Dogs eat their own poo. So it’s okay for people to eat poo according to seculars? Christ, save me!!!). And now that I’m no longer confused I’m so totally ready to devote my life to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!! Yay!! Go Jesus!!! Oh, my gosh, where do I begin?
O-Kay, my favorite book is 1 Samuel 20. Jonathan and David’s friendship is just soooo beautiful. Especially verses 14 through 17. Geez, I think I have something in my eye. It like totally sums up what being a Christian is all about: Love and Fellowship!! OMG, I’m blushing!! I’m just so filled with the love of Christ!!!
Um, what else? I just LOVE going to the gym and working out with the boys. Rather it’s pump’n iron, playing shootie hoops with the negro help (they need extra guidance due of their disability, you know), banging balls back in forth in the volleyball court, playin footsie touch downs with the old pig skin or swinging stick at the tee hole I’ll be there. It’s a darn shame it’s so dang cold out there. Indoor running ain’t the same as running on the trail. Can’t work up a good sweat on that air conditioned track. Brrrrr! Everybody keeps their shirts on cause they ain’t hot enough. No running shorts. Mmm, God have mercy. No one should ever have to wear sweats in public.
OMG, I’m so nervous!!! Ummm, I set up one of those prayer closets per my counselor’s recommendation. I got a rosso corsa Persian rug with pattern depicting Jesus riding an ass (Matthew 21) and a custom designed royal empire silk curtain depicting 1 Samuel 20:41 with a gold swag valance complete with plum fleur-de-lis embroidery and verse 14-17 stitched across. When the curtains close David and Jonathan are brought together in fellowship. The prayer closet is a place of Love and Fellowship after all. I got some frankincense incense, myrrh candles and a golden carriage that I keep my KJV 1611 leather bound Bible. It signifies the baby Jesus and the gifts of the 3 kings!! It’s so super fabulous!!! I’m thinking about adding some plants. Maybe some artificial hyssop? Or maybe I could go natural and replace them every week? What do ya’ll think? I am in the closet a lot since being cured by the fine men at B.A.S.H. It took three big long hard exasperating years to crack me. But my confusion is no more and I can stay in the closet and pray instead of M’ing to men’s fitness magazines.
I’m originally from San Francisco. Yeah, I know. Don't judge. They’re not all fudge packers down there. I knew a straight guy named Michelle (French maybe? They have girl names, right?) who worked at the post office. I think he was an ex-marine. He had the haircut. Lil peepin tom was always using the lady's room. The perv! Had a girlfriend, real pretty thing, so that’s at least two normals I knew. My parents were church folk, but they didn’t know what to do with me. The power of what I now know is Satan’s Anus was too much for a growing boy. Guess our church wasn’t good enough to keep me away from the lavish homosexual lifestyle. When they found out about you good folks here in Freehold daddy packed up everything and moved to Freehold. Whoa! Big life altering e-veeeent!!! Sent me straight to B.A.S.H. before the furniture arrived. He was planning it behind my back for months. Years later I found out my bossy mother was the reason for my choice to be a disgusting queer so my dad kicked her right out the door for what she’d done to me. Ya’ll might have heard bout that. Women got no place being assertive, financially responsible, having jobs and going yappity yap in the church. Now that I think about it she was probably a lesbo. Ya’ll think she wore lipstick and maek-up to cover up the rashes them carpet munchers get from putting they mouths where they don’t belong? Like - Ewwwww!!! My birth was enough exposure to lady parts for one lifetime. Can I get an amen? Uh, not that I don’t dig the chaste True Christian ladies. I’m a completely heterosexual virile manly man. And it’s so nice that Christian women like to take it slow and not rush things like secular harlots. Courtships could last for years and years without ever so much as holding hands. Praise, Jesus!!!
There I go again. Jesus Christ, I don’t know when to shut my mouth. I need to wrap this up. Well, now that I’m fixed I’ll see you all at services. They'll might have me speak about my miraculous change. Daddy’s a gold tither. Ya’ll know Mr. Duskwight, right? He probably didn’t mention me cause of my confusion. I went straight to B.A.S.H. cause he didn’t want to be embarrassed by me. But now I’m here, I’m Saved, get used to it!!!
Hi, my name is Daniel. I’m super, thanks for asking. I’ve recently graduated from B.A.S.H (Yay, me!!). I was confused with the democrats, liberal media and secular science telling folks like me that we was normal and born this way and it’s brain chemistry and animals do it too. Gee whiz, it’s enough to scramble a man’s mind so he don’t know a butt hole from a va-jay-jay. There ain’t no chemistry in my head, it ain’t normal, the jews run the secular media to destroy the Christian family and I ain’t a gosh darn animal (Dogs eat their own poo. So it’s okay for people to eat poo according to seculars? Christ, save me!!!). And now that I’m no longer confused I’m so totally ready to devote my life to our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!! Yay!! Go Jesus!!! Oh, my gosh, where do I begin?
O-Kay, my favorite book is 1 Samuel 20. Jonathan and David’s friendship is just soooo beautiful. Especially verses 14 through 17. Geez, I think I have something in my eye. It like totally sums up what being a Christian is all about: Love and Fellowship!! OMG, I’m blushing!! I’m just so filled with the love of Christ!!!
Um, what else? I just LOVE going to the gym and working out with the boys. Rather it’s pump’n iron, playing shootie hoops with the negro help (they need extra guidance due of their disability, you know), banging balls back in forth in the volleyball court, playin footsie touch downs with the old pig skin or swinging stick at the tee hole I’ll be there. It’s a darn shame it’s so dang cold out there. Indoor running ain’t the same as running on the trail. Can’t work up a good sweat on that air conditioned track. Brrrrr! Everybody keeps their shirts on cause they ain’t hot enough. No running shorts. Mmm, God have mercy. No one should ever have to wear sweats in public.
OMG, I’m so nervous!!! Ummm, I set up one of those prayer closets per my counselor’s recommendation. I got a rosso corsa Persian rug with pattern depicting Jesus riding an ass (Matthew 21) and a custom designed royal empire silk curtain depicting 1 Samuel 20:41 with a gold swag valance complete with plum fleur-de-lis embroidery and verse 14-17 stitched across. When the curtains close David and Jonathan are brought together in fellowship. The prayer closet is a place of Love and Fellowship after all. I got some frankincense incense, myrrh candles and a golden carriage that I keep my KJV 1611 leather bound Bible. It signifies the baby Jesus and the gifts of the 3 kings!! It’s so super fabulous!!! I’m thinking about adding some plants. Maybe some artificial hyssop? Or maybe I could go natural and replace them every week? What do ya’ll think? I am in the closet a lot since being cured by the fine men at B.A.S.H. It took three big long hard exasperating years to crack me. But my confusion is no more and I can stay in the closet and pray instead of M’ing to men’s fitness magazines.
I’m originally from San Francisco. Yeah, I know. Don't judge. They’re not all fudge packers down there. I knew a straight guy named Michelle (French maybe? They have girl names, right?) who worked at the post office. I think he was an ex-marine. He had the haircut. Lil peepin tom was always using the lady's room. The perv! Had a girlfriend, real pretty thing, so that’s at least two normals I knew. My parents were church folk, but they didn’t know what to do with me. The power of what I now know is Satan’s Anus was too much for a growing boy. Guess our church wasn’t good enough to keep me away from the lavish homosexual lifestyle. When they found out about you good folks here in Freehold daddy packed up everything and moved to Freehold. Whoa! Big life altering e-veeeent!!! Sent me straight to B.A.S.H. before the furniture arrived. He was planning it behind my back for months. Years later I found out my bossy mother was the reason for my choice to be a disgusting queer so my dad kicked her right out the door for what she’d done to me. Ya’ll might have heard bout that. Women got no place being assertive, financially responsible, having jobs and going yappity yap in the church. Now that I think about it she was probably a lesbo. Ya’ll think she wore lipstick and maek-up to cover up the rashes them carpet munchers get from putting they mouths where they don’t belong? Like - Ewwwww!!! My birth was enough exposure to lady parts for one lifetime. Can I get an amen? Uh, not that I don’t dig the chaste True Christian ladies. I’m a completely heterosexual virile manly man. And it’s so nice that Christian women like to take it slow and not rush things like secular harlots. Courtships could last for years and years without ever so much as holding hands. Praise, Jesus!!!
There I go again. Jesus Christ, I don’t know when to shut my mouth. I need to wrap this up. Well, now that I’m fixed I’ll see you all at services. They'll might have me speak about my miraculous change. Daddy’s a gold tither. Ya’ll know Mr. Duskwight, right? He probably didn’t mention me cause of my confusion. I went straight to B.A.S.H. cause he didn’t want to be embarrassed by me. But now I’m here, I’m Saved, get used to it!!!
Technically, I didn't live in Freehold. My daddy did. You see, I was taken directly to the "dehomosexualization facility" and my daddy probably never spoke about me. He sure as heck never called or wrote... I can understand fully why he'd be ashamed to have a queer for a heir. To tell you the truth, Handsome, I'm ashamed of what I was too. Praise Jesus for fixing me up!!!
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