Please save me from the Rapture!

[DanishHam]

Hello, my name is Lars, and I am from Denmark.
I'm in serious doubt about my own country. Just a few years ago, we had one of the most stable economys in the world. Now, we have a national debt larger than a gay man's asshole.
I can't help but think Denmark is going to hell soon, and I want to get in the safezone of Jesus Christ Almighty before that happens. I do not have any religion at the moment, but after a long night full of booze and women, Jesus Christ appeared before me and demanded that I would stop my sinfull ways. And that's why I joined this forum, in hope of gaining some knowledge of the Bible and Jesus Christ Almighty. I hope that I can get some help on my way to salvation before the Rapture comes, but until then, I will use the time to enjoy my stay at this forum .

[Brother Harold Porter]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

A cautious welcome, young man. Please watch the profanity as many children are on their father's laps reading our forums for Bible study at any given time.

Matthew 15:11 "Not that which goeth into the mouth defileth a man; but that which cometh out of the mouth, this defileth a man."

We understand the wretched life of the Dutch, given to serious sexual sin, degenerate living and God-mocking. You have my sympathy.

Are you wanting to establish a personal relationship with Jesus Christ? Renounce the sins of your Godless parents? Find eternal peace, happiness and salvation in the warm embrace of our Savior?

If so, you have come to the right place.

Tell us some more about yourself. How do you earn your shekels? Why are you not married and producing offspring for God? What particular filthy sin makes your nights sleepless?

In Christ

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

Hello, my name is Lars, and I am from Denmark.
I'm in serious doubt about my own country. Just a few years ago, we had one of the most stable economys in the world. Now, we have a national debt larger than a gay man's asshole.
I can't help but think Denmark is going to hell soon, and I want to get in the safezone of Jesus Christ Almighty before that happens. I do not have any religion at the moment, but after a long night full of booze and women, Jesus Christ appeared before me and demanded that I would stop my sinfull ways. And that's why I joined this forum, in hope of gaining some knowledge of the Bible and Jesus Christ Almighty. I hope that I can get some help on my way to salvation before the Rapture comes, but until then, I will use the time to enjoy my stay at this forum .

Stop your whining. You sound like a little girl tantruming at the county fair because her father wouldn't buy her a third corndog.

This is the introduction forum. You're supposed to tell us about your church, yourself, and your walk with Christ. Stop being a fag and introduce yourself.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.

[Pure_Angel]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

Hello fellow scandinavian brother!

There is only one way to "win God's love" and that is to read the KVJBible and follow every word in it!
This forum is a great place where we praise Jesus, so it's good that you joined us.

It doesn't matter what country you live in, not even USA is safe since the got Obama... but I understand that you don't like Denmark, it is even worse than Sweden, with a FEMALE primeminister! (maybe that's why you got debts, maybe she bought herself pearls and other whorish things.)

Yours in Christ
Elisabeth

[Repentant]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

Hello, my name is Lars, and I am from Denmark.
I'm in serious doubt about my own country. Just a few years ago, we had one of the most stable economys in the world. Now, we have a national debt larger than a gay man's asshole.
I can't help but think Denmark is going to hell soon, and I want to get in the safezone of Jesus Christ Almighty before that happens. I do not have any religion at the moment, but after a long night full of booze and women, Jesus Christ appeared before me and demanded that I would stop my sinfull ways. And that's why I joined this forum, in hope of gaining some knowledge of the Bible and Jesus Christ Almighty. I hope that I can get some help on my way to salvation before the Rapture comes, but until then, I will use the time to enjoy my stay at this forum .

Welcome my bacon munching friend. You are indeed right to worry about the Lord coming to take over your harlot of a country. I have worked there, under duress of course, and although the women are a shining example of beauty, I found them to be altogether to "dominant" to be True Christians.

Anyway your country has screwed itself over, and is now at the mercy of the Chinese:


Mark 10:21-25
Job 20:15


Hope you are looking forward to licking the Chinese generals boots when they invade your country.

[Repentant]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

I suggest selling everything you have and sending it Pastor Ezekiel, then make your way to Freehold whilst you can. Once you are inside the town walls I am sure you will be given a righteous place to sleep.

Proverbs 13:7

[DanishHam]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

Thanks for the warm welcome!
But I have gotton a new problem now. A negor couple has just moved in next to me. They are not at all christian, and they have a negro child, who makes fun of Jesus by playing this weird "rap-music". What should I do??

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

I suggest selling everything you have and sending it Pastor Ezekiel, then make your way to Freehold whilst you can. Once you are inside the town walls I am sure you will be given a righteous place to sleep.

Proverbs 13:7

Why are you inviting unsaved trash to pester the borders of Freehold?

[Repentant]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

It is true RP that I cannot speak for the Pastor, but I did feel that if the big Dane really wanted to make a show of his belief in becoming a True Christian, by selling all his worldy goods and making this his tithe, that he may be able to at least open a discussion with the Pastor and Jesus.

I probably should have thought a little more

[Bobby-Joe]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

Thanks for the warm welcome!
But I have gotton a new problem now. A negor couple has just moved in next to me. They are not at all christian, and they have a negro child, who makes fun of Jesus by playing this weird "rap-music". What should I do??

Why aren't you don't the right thing and not over right there reading gospel to them and help them be saved? Jesus loves everyone and everyone must be saved. I know I am so full of the love of Christ I would hook an unbeliever up to a car battery if that would help him reach Jesus. You need to show some compassion and love.

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

I suggest selling everything you have and sending it Pastor Ezekiel, then make your way to Freehold whilst you can. Once you are inside the town walls I am sure you will be given a righteous place to sleep.

Proverbs 13:7

I see that you are Unsaved Trash. As such, you no doubt are one of the many hackers trying to disrupt tithes being sent electronically to Landover, so you can steal the money and use it to fund your Occupy Wall Street beggar villages.

Fortunately for Mr. Ham, an alternate funds transfer method via my church has been set up. I will send him the payment details via private message.

Another #OWS tard defeated!

[Repentant]

Re: Please save me from the Rapture!

I see that you are Unsaved Trash. As such, you no doubt are one of the many hackers trying to disrupt tithes being sent electronically to Landover, so you can steal the money and use it to fund your Occupy Wall Street beggar villages.

Fortunately for Mr. Ham, an alternate funds transfer method via my church has been set up. I will send him the payment details via private message.

Another #OWS tard defeated!

I am hurt that you would accuse of such liberalism/communist clap trap as the OWS brigade. I was only wishing to ensure that the Landover church was able to help this lost soul, as well raise new funds for all the Godly work being done.