X
Collapse
 
  • Page of 2
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts
Previous 1 2 template Next
  • #1

    Hello I am considered a 'noob'

    Hello my name is Holly I was told about this site from a friend cause I have never been to church before and was told I would like it. I got introuble for posting in a ONLY MEN thread which I am sorry for not seeing. I apologize. Here is some things about me, I know how to play three instruments, the Flute, Piano, and Keyboard. I am on my schools Honor Role, I am 17 and I am a really good cook. I have NEVER been anything but Christian but I dont know my fit yet.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

    Welcome to God's favorite forum. What church does your husband take you to, young lady?

    If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

    If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

    You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

    Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
    Who Will Jesus Damn?

    Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

    Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

    Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!

    Comment

    • #3
      Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

      Originally posted by hollysteck View Post
      Hello my name is Holly I was told about this site from a friend cause I have never been to church before and was told I would like it. I got introuble for posting in a ONLY MEN thread which I am sorry for not seeing. I apologize. Here is some things about me, I know how to play three instruments, the Flute, Piano, and Keyboard. I am on my schools Honor Role, I am 17 and I am a really good cook. I have NEVER been anything but Christian but I dont know my fit yet.
      You have never been anything but Christian and yet you've never been to church?

      Oh you poor thing! We have many wonderful Bible studies here! I hope you won't hesitate to ask any questions you might have.

      Hello, my name is Mary. I hope to fellowship with you! That is, unless you don't listen to church authority (Deuteronomy 17:12); are a witch (Exodus 22:17); are a homosexual (Leviticus 20:13; Romans 1:24-32); or fortuneteller (Leviticus 20:27) or a snotty kid who hits their dad (Exodus 21:15); or curses their parents (Proverbs 20:20; Leviticus 20:9); an adulterer (Leviticus 20:10); a non-Christian (Exodus 22:19; Deuteronomy 13:7-12; Deuteronomy 17:2-5;Romans 1:24-32); an atheist (2 Chronicles 15:12-13); or false prophet (Zechariah 13:3); from the town of one who worships another, false god (Deuteronomy 13:13-19); were a non-virgin bride (Deuteronomy 22:20-21); or blasphemer (Leviticus 24:10-16), as God calls for your execution and will no doubt send you to Hell, and I have no interest developing a friendship with the Spiritually Walking Dead.

      Comment

      • #4
        Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

        I do not have a husband and my friend is still stalling to take me so I havent been to church yet

        Comment

        • #5
          Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

          Originally posted by hollysteck View Post
          I do not have a husband and my friend is still stalling to take me so I havent been to church yet
          Beware, almost all Pastors are liars. You should listen to the good Landover Pastors and read your Bible. Every word from Genesis to the last Amen in Revelation. It will change your life.

          YIC

          Jack
          Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.

          sigpic

          I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.

          Comment

          • #6
            Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

            Originally posted by hollysteck View Post
            I do not have a husband and my friend is still stalling to take me so I havent been to church yet
            But you read the bible, right? You have chosen the entirely real God out of all the other entirely imaginary supreme beings put forwards by heathens based on the infallible testimony of ancient prophets and divinely inspired scribes. You know about the Hell thing and other bits like a future legal obligation to execute homosexuals when we have laws based on biblical values.

            I hope so because explaining all of this over and over to non-literate unsaved trash is tiresome. Read your bible and you will believe in God as much as we do.
            sigpic
            Isaiah 34:6 The sword of the LORD is filled with blood, it is made fat with fatness, and with the blood of lambs and goats, with the fat of the kidneys of rams: for the LORD hath a sacrifice in Bozrah, and a great slaughter in the land of Idumea.

            John 5:46,47 For had ye believed Moses, ye would have believed me: for he wrote of me. But if ye believe not his writings, how shall ye believe my words?

            Join me in scoffing at backwards Muslims clinging to their beliefs in the face of the evidence!
            The truth about volcanos
            Sex and debauchery in public schools
            Faith wins over science (explained for even the very stupid)
            God Cures AIDS - GLORY!
            Desert whale bones prove Great Flood once and for all.

            Comment

            • #7
              Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

              I just don't get the obsession with "playing" with things that kids have these days. Put the oboe down, pick The Bible up. Same with all your other toys - it only leads to vanity when you worship some obscure skill on an instrument. Why not put the childish toys down now and start to listen to the Pastors like a grown up. Kids ...

              Comment

              • #8
                Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                Hello Holly, are you very good at playing the flute? You can use your talents to give glory to God, you know. I've noticed you do not yet have a profile pic uploaded. Why don't you upload a pic of yourself playing the flute?
                WARNING:
                In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                Comment

                • #9
                  Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                  I do hope this one is a real Christian returning to the gentle embrace of Jesus's conditional love and not another God mocker.

                  YIC
                  1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

                  Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

                  Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                    I have read the bible with my mom when I was little and currently I read a chapter every night. and I am a real christian and the people who have committed Blasphemy and will most likely go to hell. and I am having a hard time learning about this site so when I figure out how to put a picture I will.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                      Hi, Holly!

                      Originally posted by hollysteck View Post
                      I am on my schools Honor Role, I am 17
                      Wow.

                      Holly, I'd like you to look up "role" in the dictionary. Use an online dictionary if you don't have a real one at home.

                      Are you sure that's what you're on? Or perhaps you have embellished your academic credentials just a tad . . .
                      Bible boring? Nonsense!
                      Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
                      You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                        Originally posted by hollysteck View Post
                        and I am a real christian and the people who have committed Blasphemy and will most likely go to hell.
                        This sentence is self-contradictory. Either you are a real Christian or you are the people who have committed blasphemy and will most likely go to Hell. You can't be both.

                        Given that you capitalize the word "blasphemy," but not the word "Christian," I have a pretty good idea which one you are.

                        This makes me very sad. Have you made any progress with that picture of yourself playing the flute at least? Maybe if you really play that flute well, and dedicate all your playing to God, perhaps He will be able to enter you and fill you up with His spirit.
                        WARNING:
                        In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                        REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                          I am sorry. I admit I am not very good at english. I am a Christian I promise on God. I never promise on God unless it is not possible to be proven false. I am really trying to put i picture up but I have no idea how to get the pixels right. It seems every picture is too big.

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                            Originally posted by hollysteck View Post
                            I am sorry. I admit I am not very good at english. I am a Christian I promise on God. I never promise on God unless it is not possible to be proven false. I am really trying to put i picture up but I have no idea how to get the pixels right. It seems every picture is too big.
                            My dear friend, you might want to think very carefully about whether you want to "promise on God." There are certainly a few places in the Bible where such behavior is discouraged:

                            James 5:12

                            12 But above all things, my brethren, swear not, neither by heaven, neither by the earth, neither by any other oath: but let your yea be yea; and your nay, nay; lest ye fall into condemnation.
                            As to your problem uploading your picture, I would suggest you resize it post haste. We're all just dying to be able to put a face to the name!
                            WARNING:
                            In accordance with article 7 of the Swaggart Amendment to the Landover Baptist Church Constitution, you are hereby notified that this forum user is a
                            REGISTERED SPIRITUAL PREDATOR, and prohibited from sending or receiving personal messages, text messages, or instant messages to forum users below the rank of True Christian™. This user is further prohibited from engaging with any persons in real-time audio or video "chats" via Web cams, Skype, Facetime, or any other Internet audio/video technology or service.

                            Comment

                            • #15
                              Re: Hello I am considered a 'noob'

                              Welcome Holly. Tell me, do you follow Gods word as written in the Bible exactly? Or do you modify it? Many people do you know. Could you imagine, someone likes something you baked, does not follow the exact instructions you give them to make the same thing? They get mad at you when it is really their fault for not following the instructions you put great effort in writing out. God feels the same way.

                              I hope you are a good and honest girl and not some trollop. What music do you listen to? Are you engaged yet?
                              Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
                              Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
                              Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
                              Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
                              Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
                              Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.

                              Comment

                              Previous 1 2 template Next
                              Working...
                              X