Advice Humbly Requested

[Angelie]

I am getting married in 2 weeks. Now due to the fact that I grew up without my parents, I don't actually know what a wife is to do exactly in a Godly marriage. I know that a woman is supposed to their husbands, as is stated in Ephesians 5:22-
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
I also realize that as a wife I am meant to be my husband's helpmeet, as is stated in Genesis 2:20-
And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him..
Lastly, I know that to honor God and my husband, I need to have as many children (especially Godly sons) as is shown in 1 Timothy 2:11-15-
Notwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety.

Honestly, I really need all the advice I can get from the True Christian women here. I have studied the tips listed in the Wedding Bells forum, but if there is any more advice that I could get in regards to fulfilling my role as a wife, I'd greatly appreciate it.

Thank you for taking time to give me counsel.

Humbly Yours in Christ,
Angelie

[Deaner]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

Thank you for taking time to give me counsel.

Humbly Yours in Christ,
Angelie

Oh Lordy;

Angelie, what man wouldn't want you? You have researched your Christian female duties more that I've seen any other.

I'm sure you know that females have "feebler" brains (I'm trying to be gentle here, my wife hates the "feebler" brain part when I beat her); but you are one of a kind.

Lucky for you, Landover has a "New Wives" program which is run by (you guessed it) the longest line of Landover Pastors you've ever seen. Your body will feel vibrated and relieved; your soul like a slippery, gel filled flower.

Your husband will feel like he's just bought a brand new, broken in Buggatti!

Life will be a dream.

The cost? A measly $1900 a day with a Chrysler K-Car included.

Jesus loves you my sweet. Show your faith by using (or stealing your parents) Visa cards to pay an approximate $42,895.60 for a 3 Day cruise (all fee's included) with your life partner and your "LiFE PARTNER" (Jesus Christ of America) by your side.

God Bless you Child

YIC

Deaner

[Angelie]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

Oh Lordy;

Angelie, what man wouldn't want you? You have researched your Christian female duties more that I've seen any other.

I'm sure you know that females have "feebler" brains (I'm trying to be gentle here, my wife hates the "feebler" brain part when I beat her); but you are one of a kind.

Lucky for you, Landover has a "New Wives" program which is run by (you guessed it) the longest line of Landover Pastors you've ever seen. Your body will feel vibrated and relieved; your soul like a slippery, gel filled flower.

Your husband will feel like he's just bought a brand new, broken in Buggatti!

Life will be a dream.

The cost? A measly $1900 a day with a Chrysler K-Car included.

Jesus loves you my sweet. Show your faith by using (or stealing your parents) Visa cards to pay an approximate $42,895.60 for a 3 Day cruise with your life partner and your "LiFE PARTNER" by your side (Jesus Christ of America).

God Bless you Child

YIC

Deaner

I will discuss it with my fiance. Thank you for your compliment! I have been spending every moment that I'm not here reading the Bible and preparing for the wedding, so that everything will be perfect for my husband. I am extremely excited about this entire thing!

[Deaner]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

I will discuss it with my fiance. Thank you for your compliment! I have been spending every moment that I'm not here reading the Bible and preparing for the wedding, so that everything will be perfect for my husband. I am extremely excited about this entire thing!

That's wonderful my innocent 19 year old child of Christ.

If you ever need some beer or cigarettes when your boyfriend isn't around just let me know.

YIC

Deaner

[Angelie]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

That's wonderful my innocent 19 year old child of Christ.

If you ever need some beer or cigarettes when your boyfriend isn't around just let me know.

YIC

Deaner

While I appreciate your offer, my fiance wouldn't take too kindly to it. Besides, I left drinking and smoking in my past- I am not going back to that mess.

[Deaner]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

While I appreciate your offer, my fiance wouldn't take too kindly to it. Besides, I left drinking and smoking in my past- I am not going back to that mess.

What mess sweetheart?

If anybody has ever laid a hand on you in an inappropriate way I'll kick his teeth up thru his brain.

If you're only expressing the frustration of love I understand.

I have an idea!!!

How's about during the first year of your marriage; I sleep inbetween you and your husband until we're sure he's not some kind of abusive pervert??

We can still get naked and stuff; I'll be there to protect you.

[Angelie]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

Again, your kind offer is appreciated, but I realize that I could have made myself more clear. My apologies.
When I was unsaved, I used to smoke and drink. However, Christ delivered me from that, and I'm not willing to return to that dark pit I wasted so much of my life in.
This has nothing to do with my wonderful fiance, who is one of the Godliest men I've ever met in my life, this is simply a sin that I am very unwilling to approach at the moment.

[Cranky Old Man]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

I have put all the information your husband needs in 3 easy guides. All you have to do is whatever your husband tells you to do.

Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide To MAKING CHILDREN!
Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide To RAISING CHILDREN!
Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide To GETTING RID OF CHILDREN!

You're welcome!

[Angelie]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

I have put all the information your husband needs in 3 easy guides. All you have to do is whatever your husband tells you to do.

Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide To MAKING CHILDREN!
Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide To RAISING CHILDREN!
Cranky Old Man's Easy Guide To GETTING RID OF CHILDREN!

You're welcome!

Thank you so very much! I will give this information to my future husband as soon as possible.

[Zechariah Smyth]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

Brother Deaner, the lengths that you will go to ensure a problem-free wedlock for this young lady is an example for us all.



YiC,

Zech

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

Brother Deaner, the lengths that you will go to ensure a problem-free wedlock for this young lady is an example for us all.



YiC,

Zech

It's an example to us all how much Deaner will pump himself up for Jesus when it comes to ensuring a young lady has the right marital experience.

[Angelie]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

Brother Deaner, the lengths that you will go to ensure a problem-free wedlock for this young lady is an example for us all.



YiC,

Zech

I'm not marrying out of wedlock. However, I do truly appreciate all the assistance I have received from you all. Thank you very much!

[James Hutchins]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

I am not your father but I have unfortunately, a wife who has borne me 15 or so daughters. Sometimes when I come in the house unannounced, it sounds like a chicken coop, what with call the female cackling. So one bit of advice I can give you is to not speak unless spoken to.
Stay busy. A floor cannot be too clean, an oven, too well scrubbed, a toilet not glistening enough.
Stay pregnant. Show God (and your husband), how much you worship the gift of life they allow you to have. Only produce sons. If you have a daughter, be sure everyone knows of your shame.
Do not be a slut.
Never touch yourself 'there'
Never touch your husband 'there' however, if he is not feeling well and you do not employ a nigra 'wiper', you should do this for him.
If your husband never speaks to you, do not think for one moment he is ignoring you. He is giving you the peace and quiet that he too, relishes. Thank God he rarely speaks to you. When he does, realize you once again made a major error. Always have a slice of pie ready.
If he brings business associates home, be ready to provide them with any and all comforts possible. If it is a female, understand how distasteful it is for your husband and do your best to make him feel unencumbered by your presence. If he wants you to join in, be willing. Do not be selfish. Remember, he is doing this for YOU.


I have this pasted on the wall in my wifes sleeping space in the basement.

• Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have be thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they get home and the prospect of a good meal is part of the warm welcome needed.
• Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
• Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dustcloth over the tables.
• During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering to his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
• Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be happy to see him.
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
• Don't complain if he's late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through at work.
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or lie him down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

[Angelie]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

Thank you for your advice- I will practice until I've gotten everything down right!

[Redeemed Papist]

Re: Advice Humbly Requested

It's important to remember that, even though the feminazis will tell you that men like James are just being lazy scum mistreating women and treating them as worse than slaves, the Bible tells you to submit utterly to your husband so everything He just said is absolutely perfect in the eyes of God.

Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

Esther 1:20 And when the king's decree which he shall make shall be published throughout all his empire, (for it is great,) all the wives shall give to their husbands honour, both to great and small.

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.