Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

My name is going to be on the ballots this November and of course I expect you all to vote for me.

I have given countless hours of dutiful protection to this fair city and I intend to spread the law of God not just to streets of Freehold, but the county roads as well.

I am accepting donations in the form of cash, credit cards, and money orders. (No checks.)

In the meantime I am working on a shortlist of campaign managers.

I also have created a campaign poster which I think will spread my message far and wide to the voters of this fine county.

[Pastor Ezekiel]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

You know you've got my vote, brother Richards, all 12 of them.

After the service you provided to brother Bobby Joe and I that night, it's the least I can do.

[Seth Campbell]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

You have my 2 votes. Praise Jesus, it's about time we had some righteous leadership!

[Nobar King]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

I like your kind of policing, so I'll vote for you.

[James Hutchins]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Ofc. Richards, you will be pleased to know I have started a PAC fund for your campaign. All of my employees wholeheartedly put in a months before tax salary. More will be gladly contributed. We need to keep Landover safe and you are just the man to do it!

[Rev. M. Rodimer]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Officer, how wonderful to hear you running for such a powerful office! Now I know how Texans must have felt when GW Bush ran for President . . . Eager to see him succeed, but so very sad to see him leave his local role. I only wish I could vote for you myself.

Soon, you will be in an office processing paperwork instead of being shot at daily and cracking Negro heads on the wild streets of Jenkem Flats. Who will replace you on that beat? Brother Nobar, perhaps?

[Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Dear Ofc. Don W. Richards,

My name is going to be on the ballots this November and of course I expect you all to vote for me.

Like I told you last Sunday after church, you most certainly have my vote. Especially since I am not really happy about the current sherrif of Freehold. He seems to be too interested in my past and I do not really like nosy people with no respect for my privacy. Like you already assured me yesterday, with you as sheriff my privacy would be properly respected. I also hope my substantial cash donation to your campaign fund will turn out to be a useful one. I am at your service for whatever help you might need in assuring that you get the position which you so clearly deserve! "the sheriffs, and all the rulers of the provinces, were gathered together unto the dedication" (Daniel 3:3)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Dear Ofc. Don W. Richards,

Like I told you last Sunday after church, you most certainly have my vote. Especially since I am not really happy about the current sherrif of Freehold. He seems to be too interested in my past and I do not really like nosy people with no respect for my privacy. Like you already assured me yesterday, with you as sheriff my privacy would be properly respected. I also hope my substantial cash donation to your campaign fund will turn out to be a useful one. I am at your service for whatever help you might need in assuring that you get the position which you so clearly deserve! "the sheriffs, and all the rulers of the provinces, were gathered together unto the dedication" (Daniel 3:3)

Yours in Christ,

Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D.

Well I never paid too much attention to the Sheriff while a cop on the beat.

But you can bet your bottom dollar Sheriff Richards will PROTECT the privacy of Freehold's residents (as long as they are True Christians.)

I appreciate all the donations I have received so far, and the promised support as well.

[Johny Joe Hold]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Well I never paid too much attention to the Sheriff while a cop on the beat.

But you can bet your bottom dollar Sheriff Richards will PROTECT the privacy of Freehold's residents (as long as they are True Christians.)

I appreciate all the donations I have received so far, and the promised support as well.

Officer Richards, you have been a great asset to the City of Freehold. I look forward to your further service as Sheriff.

In my drives out in the County, I've been struck by the huge volume of marajuana that growns between the fields and in the ditches. Does it concern you? If so, perhaps you could discuss with us what you might do about it.

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

In my drives out in the County, I've been struck by the huge volume of marajuana that growns between the fields and in the ditches. Does it concern you? If so, perhaps you could discuss with us what you might do about it.

It does concern me, and once I am elected Sheriff, mother nature will no longer be allowed to grow this insidious plant wherever she happens to please.

I'm sure that my friend Freemarket Fred would be able to hook up the Sheriff's department with some Agent Orange which I'm sure local Mexicans would be happy squirt out of super-soakers from the back of a moving pickup truck along the highway, which would then conveniently drop them off in front of the Immigration Office.

[Levi Jones]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Officer Don, you are a natural born politician. You would make Sheriff Joe Arpaio jealous. Maybe you could discuss your policies on how you could make our prison system profitable.

[Timofey]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

In my drives out in the County, I've been struck by the huge volume of marajuana that growns between the fields and in the ditches. Does it concern you? If so, perhaps you could discuss with us what you might do about it.

Brother Mayor,

If I may, in my hedonistic life before Jesus I was well know for domestic cultivation of aforementioned species. Being a green businessman I wondered what I would do with the tons of left over plant material, after processing. One of my former business partners (RIP) and I came up with a method of turning this waste into stylish clothing:



We made quite a bundle on the material we would normally just burn or compost which is not carbon neutral (on aside, we ginned up carbon credits for NOT burning the tons of plant materiel and sold the credits on the Chicago Climate Exchange, just another thought for Freehold revenue enhancement Mayor).

A blurb from our old brochure:
The outer shell is built with the unrivaled properties of Timotex (a materiel my Chiniamen manufacturing partners reversed engineered), from the UK. Timotex is teamed-up with Eco Friendly Hemp Ripstop for breathability & lined with real honest to goodness down. The Johny Joe Hold Jacket is good times for Landover town livin.

The name for the new product is just a suggestion.

After processing the stalks into clothing, perhaps Pastor Manning might be able to help me figure out what to do the new waste material?

Just some random thoughts form the Godless state of California.

YIC Timofey

[Ofc. Don W. Richards]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Officer Don, you are a natural born politician. You would make Sheriff Joe Arpaio jealous. Maybe you could discuss your policies on how you could make our prison system profitable.

I've been a long standing advocate of active rehabilitation of criminals into decent people.

I think there's massive potential in putting prisoners to (unpaid) work in local businesses, where they will scrub floors, stock shelves, and move heavy items around.

Criminals learn the value of good hard (unpaid) work, and local shopkeepers experience a boom in productivity without losing any money.

Of course in the interest of safety, all shopkeepers would be issued a free tazer and police baton, and the criminals would be fitted with GPS tracking systems at all times.

[James Dewitt]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

I've been a long standing advocate of active rehabilitation of criminals into decent people.

I think there's massive potential in putting prisoners to (unpaid) work in local businesses, where they will scrub floors, stock shelves, and move heavy items around.

Criminals learn the value of good hard (unpaid) work, and local shopkeepers experience a boom in productivity without losing any money.

Of course in the interest of safety, all shopkeepers would be issued a free tazer and police baton, and the criminals would be fitted with GPS tracking systems at all times.

You have the full backing of the Dewitt Foundation for the Advancement of Christianity,DFAC will be more than happy to donate a six figure amount of cash to your political war chest. Is it possible to have lunch and discuss strategy at the Men's club on Friday?
I am in a bit of a bind

[Spring Heeled Jack]

Re: Ofc. Don W. Richards Running for Sheriff 2010

Officer Richards,

I want to believe that you're going to be the best man for this job, especially after all those times you've helped me in the past, but after enduring the last 10 years under our current Sheriff I don't feel a sliver of hope. Our previous Sheriff has been a disaster and we as a town have had to sit back in terror as failed policy after failed policy have torn this community apart.

After dusk the pimps and the drug peddlers and the gang members take over the streets of our fair town. And what has Sheriff Newcome done about it? Well it feels like he's been looking the other way. Since he took office murders, rapes, car and pie cooling on the window sill theft, and drug dealing are all up ten fold in this community. Meanwhile the prison population is at an all time low; it's as if the front gate of the prison is a revolving door. We're sending people in there to do hard time, but in the end they just get out a few years later for "good behavior." But are they really rehabilitated? Most of the people we're letting out of the jails are going right back in for doing the same thing less than a year later. So if they aren't learning to be productive members of society what are they learning? Gang warfare, drug dealing and in some cases even domestic terrorism.

It's the failed policies of this administration that have caused this. Every day home owners fear break-ins, store owners fear robberies and young women fear rape. We can't let our children and grand children play hop scotch out in the streets because of the hoodlums and the degenerates.

The police in this town are no better. Most of them inebriated or high on the job: taking kick-backs from the drug lords and the prostitutes. This is a corrupt system and our police force is working hand-in-hand with the same people murdering citizens out on the streets.

One day the Devil was having a going out of business sale at his store. A man entered the Devil's store and took a look around. "What you do you have for sale?" He asked.


The Devil replied, "I'm going out of business and I'm selling all my tools, everything must go."

So the man had a look around and then asked the Devil, "Which tool is the most useful?"

To which the Devil replied, "Discouragement. Discouragement is my most useful tool because once a person becomes discouraged all of my tools become useful."

Officer Richards, the people of this town have become discouraged, and it's only a matter of time before we sink down into the ground. People will drive by the giant crater on the side of the freeway and wonder if a town once stood there. Maybe I'm crazy, maybe I should just let this town sink down to Hell.


For the last two weeks I've been on the street, shrouded by darkness, lurking in the back alleys; looking for trouble. Last week I took out a crack house on Birch Street and just two nights ago I nabbed two street toughs robbing a woman. If this town is going to Hell I'm going with it. Freehold is my home and if I can't fix it I don't think we have a hope.


I don't like vigilante justice but sometimes we must take the law into our own hands. That's why I'm writing you this letter, Officer Richards, and posting it on the town's bulletin board. I want to know what your intentions are and what you plan to do to clean up this city. I'm writing it so all the townspeople can see it too. Are you with us, or are you just going to be more of the same failed policies? More of the kick backs? More of the greed? I know what I'm doing is against the law, and for that I will strike this bargain with you. If you're with us and you win this election and prove you're going to clean up the streets, I will unmask and turn myself in: because when this town has a Sheriff that is ready to step up and fix this debacle there will be no more need for a man like me to dress up and fight crime at night.


What'll it be, Officer?

Whether you're with me or not, I'll see you around.

-Spring Heeled Jack