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Being Sheriff feels even better than I imagined it would.
This afternoon I did my first rural patrol to check up on the good citizens of our county and already I am uprooting criminals.
I was going down the old dirt road out by Carver's farm and I spotted a badly parked car along the shoulder.
Two people bundled up in coats and scarves were standing in the ditch with what looked like wreathes in their hands.
I turned on my lights and chirped my siren to alert them that they should stop their suspicious activity.
It's really cold out there so I rolled down my window part way to question the suspects.
"What are you doing parked on the side of a country road standing in the ditch with wreaths?"
The couple were probably in their late 40s and explained that today was the first anniversary of their daughter's death in a car wreck at this very spot.
It was the O'Malley family, I remembered the story now. Their daughter was a Catholic whore who was probably drunk on communion wine the night she went careening off the icy road and into the oak tree under which a lone white cross now stood.
I thought about it for a moment and then asked, "Do you ever think that had you not raised your daughter in the devil's church that she might still be alive today?"
The two Mary worshipers didn't say anything, they just stood their with their mouths open staring at me.
"I'm just saying, God generally doesn't kill people when they worship Him the right way."
They began to protest and I could tell they were being controlled by their emotions.
My nose was starting to get cold and I didn't want to argue anymore so I ticketed them for littering and trespassing on property that either belongs to the county or a farmer.
They were both trying to get sympathy by crying but I'd have none of that. I made them take their blasphemous catholic ornaments, including the white cross, with them.
It's frightening to think about how much people were getting away with out in the country before I was elected Sheriff.
Over and out.
This afternoon I did my first rural patrol to check up on the good citizens of our county and already I am uprooting criminals.
I was going down the old dirt road out by Carver's farm and I spotted a badly parked car along the shoulder.
Two people bundled up in coats and scarves were standing in the ditch with what looked like wreathes in their hands.
I turned on my lights and chirped my siren to alert them that they should stop their suspicious activity.
It's really cold out there so I rolled down my window part way to question the suspects.
"What are you doing parked on the side of a country road standing in the ditch with wreaths?"
The couple were probably in their late 40s and explained that today was the first anniversary of their daughter's death in a car wreck at this very spot.
It was the O'Malley family, I remembered the story now. Their daughter was a Catholic whore who was probably drunk on communion wine the night she went careening off the icy road and into the oak tree under which a lone white cross now stood.
I thought about it for a moment and then asked, "Do you ever think that had you not raised your daughter in the devil's church that she might still be alive today?"
The two Mary worshipers didn't say anything, they just stood their with their mouths open staring at me.
"I'm just saying, God generally doesn't kill people when they worship Him the right way."
They began to protest and I could tell they were being controlled by their emotions.
My nose was starting to get cold and I didn't want to argue anymore so I ticketed them for littering and trespassing on property that either belongs to the county or a farmer.
They were both trying to get sympathy by crying but I'd have none of that. I made them take their blasphemous catholic ornaments, including the white cross, with them.
It's frightening to think about how much people were getting away with out in the country before I was elected Sheriff.
Over and out.
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