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Landover has a long tradition of warning True Christians™ about the dangers of fruits and vegetables. We were the first to warn Christians about vegetable assisted rape and Pastor Deacon Fred was the first who warned America about vegetable based porn targeting innocent children.
Now it is time to warn Christians for the most horrible of all: TOMATOES!
It goes without saying that these communist red tomatoes are unfit for consumption (Romans 14:2). It's not even possible to figure out whether they are fruit or vegetable. It takes days to get rid of their horrible taste. The breath of someone who ate tomatoes is enough to make one puke.
Traitor Colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson of Salem, New Jersey (no surprise there) brought the tomato home from abroad in 1808. Up until the end of the eighteenth century, physicians warned against eating tomatoes, knowing they caused not only appendicitis but also stomach cancer from tomato skins adhering to the lining of the stomach. Then democrats hid the evidence and started spreading the lie that tomatoes are healthy. The primary reason that fast food causes death is the tomatoes. If you remove the tomatoes, all that is left is very healthy American food!
Tomatoes are nightshade plants, plants that only grow when it is completely dark, which shows us that tomatoes are created by Satan. It can be no coincidence the Bible never mentions tomatoes. Tomatoes were clearly introduced by Satan after 1611.
Since our patriotic TSA has made it impossible for armed freedom hating terrorists to enter America, terrorists have now switched to tomatoes. Unfortunately the TSA body scanners have not been adapted to this new reality, so only very thorough pat downs will keep America safe! Tomato size objects will have to be inserted into people's orifices to make sure they are not hiding tomatoes. A small price to pay to keep America safe.
Terrorists could even bring along tomato seeds to grow their own weapons! So clearly gardening, which is a gay habit anyway, has to be outlawed as soon as possible. It will surprise no one that Obama is completely ignoring this threat to America.
One of many victims of tomato terrorism:
Terrorist instruction on using tomatoes against Christians. It even says
"If you don’t spread this message, know that it is the devil who stopped you”.
So you can be sure every terrorist on the planet has read this:
Don't let the terrorists win by giving innocent children filthy tomatoes:
Now it is time to warn Christians for the most horrible of all: TOMATOES!
It goes without saying that these communist red tomatoes are unfit for consumption (Romans 14:2). It's not even possible to figure out whether they are fruit or vegetable. It takes days to get rid of their horrible taste. The breath of someone who ate tomatoes is enough to make one puke.
Traitor Colonel Robert Gibbon Johnson of Salem, New Jersey (no surprise there) brought the tomato home from abroad in 1808. Up until the end of the eighteenth century, physicians warned against eating tomatoes, knowing they caused not only appendicitis but also stomach cancer from tomato skins adhering to the lining of the stomach. Then democrats hid the evidence and started spreading the lie that tomatoes are healthy. The primary reason that fast food causes death is the tomatoes. If you remove the tomatoes, all that is left is very healthy American food!
Tomatoes are nightshade plants, plants that only grow when it is completely dark, which shows us that tomatoes are created by Satan. It can be no coincidence the Bible never mentions tomatoes. Tomatoes were clearly introduced by Satan after 1611.
Since our patriotic TSA has made it impossible for armed freedom hating terrorists to enter America, terrorists have now switched to tomatoes. Unfortunately the TSA body scanners have not been adapted to this new reality, so only very thorough pat downs will keep America safe! Tomato size objects will have to be inserted into people's orifices to make sure they are not hiding tomatoes. A small price to pay to keep America safe.
Terrorists could even bring along tomato seeds to grow their own weapons! So clearly gardening, which is a gay habit anyway, has to be outlawed as soon as possible. It will surprise no one that Obama is completely ignoring this threat to America.
One of many victims of tomato terrorism:
Terrorist instruction on using tomatoes against Christians. It even says
"If you don’t spread this message, know that it is the devil who stopped you”.
So you can be sure every terrorist on the planet has read this:
Don't let the terrorists win by giving innocent children filthy tomatoes:
) was not an apple but a tomato (aka satan's apples)! 
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